Thread: The new couple in the flat upstairs

Originally Posted by kingwilly

Originally Posted by somtamslap

That's all well and good but when the finale of Peppa Pig Goes To Ballet ends in screeches of "Gimme more of that cock, Dickie you fucking animal" one has to explain to the children that the nice couple upstairs aren't butchering one another.

or that they are...

Or that she wasn't fighting with the dog over the last piece of chicken.

alternatively

yet another approach

ooh American neighbours

^^^ Green sent Sumo! Cracker!

Great stuff.

I can empathise with the last one.

Originally Posted by somtamslap

I can empathise with the last one.

I thought these neighbours lived above you ?

No probs, balance a chair on a table, put stout box on chair, stand upright on box, one hand braced to ceiling, other hand gripping cup to ceiling, then by turning one's head,


anything could happen.

^^Ok, replace wall with ceiling.

Anyway. Richard apparently still has his bollocks on charge.

I wait, cowering behind the Daily Mail, for the forthcoming extravaganza of brute savagery.

Slap, perhaps the new neighbours don't realise how easily noise travels between the flats so start singing some Thai karaoke as loud and badly as you can. Your new neighbours might then work it out for themselves.

Too bad Slap that you cannot offer you and your spouse's version of a sexual encounter to counter your upstairs neighbors frolicking? A hand job just isn't sufficient response I dare say.

Graphic pictures pinned to their door may offer sufficient notice that they are not unnoticed? Sign them "Hard 1 in B-132"

Probably the second best wank i ever had, was whilst alone in a hotel room in Vienna, after my plane was delayed, listening to a screamer in the adjacent room.

They'd finished by the time i put my tab out.

How long are these 2 going at it Slap? Any chance of PM'ing me a recording?

^Oh no, its going global...

The couple should have first tested the apartment more diligently, like this :

Originally Posted by ltnt

A hand job just isn't sufficient response I dare say.

maybe if he loaded a few corks into his japs eye first

Originally Posted by taxexile

Woman handed Asbo for loud sex sessions after neighbours complained to police 25 times
By DAILY MAIL REPORTER
UPDATED: 00:49, 18 April 2009

The couple’s partially deaf neighbour Margery Ball said she had not had a decent night’s sleep in two years because of the noise made by the couple.

‘You could have made efforts to minimise your vocalisation while having sex. You have not shown due respect for other human beings.’

do your civic duty slap and report the inconsiderate bastards.

"Partially Deaf" - that's the best bit!!!

There's such a richness in Uk English...words like 'dogging' and 'slagging'.
I had to google 'Asbo' to find out what that meant.

Buy a rooster.

When the neighbors start complaining about the noise the cock makes in the morning, you can honestly remark about the noise the cock in 24-B is creating.

Also, it'll give you the chance to show the little ones where chicken nuggets come from.

Educational for both the neighbors and the little ones.

Originally Posted by Paddy Whackery

Originally Posted by taxexile

Woman handed Asbo for loud sex sessions after neighbours complained to police 25 times
By DAILY MAIL REPORTER
UPDATED: 00:49, 18 April 2009

The couple’s partially deaf neighbour Margery Ball said she had not had a decent night’s sleep in two years because of the noise made by the couple.

‘You could have made efforts to minimise your vocalisation while having sex. You have not shown due respect for other human beings.’

do your civic duty slap and report the inconsiderate bastards.

"Partially Deaf" - that's the best bit!!!

There's such a richness in Uk English...words like 'dogging' and 'slagging'.
I had to google 'Asbo' to find out what that meant.

Just been on the trusty old urban dictionary to research this:
Worldwide Dogging championships are held in Rivington Lancs. Most popular categories are - Ten man train, Pearly Rain (?) and Biggest Slapper.

Pearly Rain is that like Bukkake? Biggest Slapper, Nora Batty's big sister perhaps?
I was looking on Lancashire Tourists Board's website, alas no link...

I once lived next door to a prostitute whose speciality was whipping. And the room she used was across from my kitchen. Great fun when you're having a dinner party!! The conversation would stop and then start again until we were shouting at each other.

And the clients she had looked like wee weazel sort of men, i used to look through the peep hole on my door. You really do have to have a sense of humour in these sort of situations.

I would think Pearly Rain is like pearl necklace - as in a woman receiving sperm on her.

I had a neighbour who made noise in the middle of the night, it sounded like she was dragging dead bodies around. When i got to know her as a friend i mentioned it and she said that she must have been practicing her belly dancing moves!!

Originally Posted by patsycat

she said that she must have been practicing her belly dancing moves!!

Dragging that big belly along the floor...

The funny thing was she is a wee skinny thing. La Jolie Sylvie. Men drooled over her.

Originally Posted by patsycat

The funny thing was she is a wee skinny thing. La Jolie Sylvie. Men drooled over her.

Are you sure it was drool?