Thread: Fawlty Titties - tales from the guesthouse

Good plan...

However, where necessary please avoid the use of multiple punctuation marks - lest you wish to be mistaken for a 14-year-old girl...

Originally Posted by Simon43

hat your hotel had a different name???'

He only accepts Chinese and Thai guests now.

Originally Posted by Simon43

Howabout I start this thread to relate witty, sad, illogical etc etc tales from my little hotels?

Here's a tale from yesterday, actually an email from a guest.

'Sir, your hotel bears absolutely no resemblence to the photos posted on Booking.com.... blah blah blah, moan ,moan etc'

My reply:

'Dear Shawn

Thank-you for your email. Can I just point out that although you had a confirmed reservation at my hotel last night, you actually managed to go and check in at a completely different hotel - did you not notice that your hotel had a different name???'

Dumb fcuk

He was Australian BTW

classic.
Looking forward to this thread.

Me too. Great thread possibilities....

Fukkin Aussies

Where's Terry not left the prison colony again has he.

OK, here's another one, this time yesterday from my ex #2's hotel.

American guy complains that there is no internet. I apologise and explain to him that a tree fell on the telephone cable during the high winds and right now the internet/phone line is lying on the ground outside the hotel, whereas it should be connected up on the pole opposite the hotel.

'But I need the internet' he insists.

'OK, let me get you a ladder....'

(I said this with a deadpan, straight face - guy didn't see the joke at all).

Note to self, ban all Yanks and Ozzies.

Originally Posted by Simon43

OK, here's another one, this time yesterday from my ex #2's hotel.

American guy complains that there is no internet. I apologise and explain to him that a tree fell on the telephone cable during the high winds and right now the internet/phone line is lying on the ground outside the hotel, whereas it should be connected up on the pole opposite the hotel.

'But I need the internet' he insists.

'OK, let me get you a ladder....'

(I said this with a deadpan, straight face - guy didn't see the joke at all).

Note to self, ban all Yanks and Ozzies.

As an Aussie I'll bite on this one.
The tree knocking the line down is your problem, not his.
he just wants what he paid for.
Buy a few 3g dongles for emergencies.

Originally Posted by david44

Keep up the great posts and remeber yor living the dream

if you remember the history he's possibly not.

Originally Posted by Necron99

The tree knocking the line down is your problem, not his.
he just wants what he paid for.
Buy a few 3g dongles for emergencies.

He was stating what he needed.

You could have offered one or two solutions, dongle is one, location of a coffee shop or cheap internet cafe another.

Careful could get sued

"A dongle ate my baby"

Simon is learning from his mistakes it seems when he offered to get the yank a ladder.

Originally Posted by kingwilly

Originally Posted by Necron99

The tree knocking the line down is your problem, not his.
he just wants what he paid for.
Buy a few 3g dongles for emergencies.

He was stating what he needed.

You could have offered one or two solutions, dongle is one, location of a coffee shop or cheap internet cafe another.

Didn't Simon have a spot of bother just the other week when a guest whipped his dongle out in front of Simon's (ex?) sister-in-law?

When dealing with an angry American the suggestion of a coffee shop might be the better course of action because, as well as sorting out the lack of internet, the caffeine might do him some good.

However there could be some mileage for Simon in making sure his personal dongle is suitably charged up and ready to serve certain types of guests.

His Chinese tourists come to mind here. I'm not sure if the ones below are his actual guests as these ones do look particularly dirty, filthy in fact, but I suspect they are indicative of the type he is trying to attract:



I just hope that, as well as his internet, Simon doesn't have a problem with his plumbing?

^The pool could use a wash, Simon...

The wee fatty on the right doesn't seem to be having a very good time. And the one at the front has a penis.

That sounds likeTOt, everytime we ring them up about the net going off, solly sir tree fall down.

Originally Posted by Simon43

OK, here's another one, this time yesterday from my ex #2's hotel.

American guy complains that there is no internet. I apologise and explain to him that a tree fell on the telephone cable during the high winds and right now the internet/phone line is lying on the ground outside the hotel, whereas it should be connected up on the pole opposite the hotel.

'But I need the internet' he insists.

'OK, let me get you a ladder....'

(I said this with a deadpan, straight face - guy didn't see the joke at all).

Note to self, ban all Yanks and Ozzies.

Simon charge the fekkers for the internet,then they can't complain, as mentioned hire out the dongles.

Saying that PR in hotels is essential.

Doing away with the Americans and Aussies, think i'd prefer them to the Chinese and Thais,they trash rooms.

Originally Posted by patsycat

The wee fatty on the right doesn't seem to be having a very good time. And the one at the front has a penis.

Nice observations, Pats....

I'd do the whole back row.

^^^^^is that a budgie, or the beginning of a camel toe?

Seems they never listened to the PMs advice.

Originally Posted by Roobarb

Originally Posted by kingwilly

Originally Posted by Necron99

The tree knocking the line down is your problem, not his.
he just wants what he paid for.
Buy a few 3g dongles for emergencies.

He was stating what he needed.

You could have offered one or two solutions, dongle is one, location of a coffee shop or cheap internet cafe another.

Didn't Simon have a spot of bother just the other week when a guest whipped his dongle out in front of Simon's (ex?) sister-in-law?

When dealing with an angry American the suggestion of a coffee shop might be the better course of action because, as well as sorting out the lack of internet, the caffeine might do him some good.

However there could be some mileage for Simon in making sure his personal dongle is suitably charged up and ready to serve certain types of guests.

His Chinese tourists come to mind here. I'm not sure if the ones below are his actual guests as these ones do look particularly dirty, filthy in fact, but I suspect they are indicative of the type he is trying to attract:



I just hope that, as well as his internet, Simon doesn't have a problem with his plumbing?

The center one is packin extra equipment.

If you want to see more photos of the Chinese mud babes:

Bikini girls shine in 'Sea Mud Carnival' (19) - People's Daily Online


An article that give a little info on the "Sea Mud Festival":

Bikini girls get down and dirty at Zhejiang sea mud festival?Society?News?WantChinaTimes.com

Originally Posted by Hans Mann

^^^^^is that a budgie, or the beginning of a camel toe?

I think it's the whole camel.