Jesus is coming

**jizzybloke** · 23-08-2013, 02:12 PM

Sat in a little bar having a beer last week and this thing lurched over to me from the pavement and told me "Jesus is coming"
I smiled and said " the more the merrier but I'm not paying for his drinks"
She said it about 4 times getting more stroppy every time and each time I would say that I don't like Ponce's and I won't buy him a drink.
Then she said "I'm just minding my own business but I wanted you to know that he's coming"
I got a bit pissed off at that so I said " you went out of your way to come here and tell me some shit about someone that doesn't exist, so keep minding your own business and fuck off"

Big retarded sounding black woman with starey loony eyes and big hair.

Where do these nutters come from and how do they always find me???

**baldrick** · 23-08-2013, 02:35 PM

Originally Posted by jizzybloke

"I'm just minding my own business but I wanted you to know that he's coming"

well if she isn't , then some one else must be jerking him off

**Davis Knowlton** · 23-08-2013, 02:52 PM

Creatures like that never approach me. My wife says I ooze hostility. Whatever it is, works a charm.

**Fluke** · 23-08-2013, 03:05 PM

An American guy walked the the bar recently and pronounced himself as a reincarnation of Buddha , I could just say "Oh yeah"....he paused for a while and then pronounced himself to be a messenger from God....a Prophet .
All I could say was "Thats bloody good going , well done"

**Thormaturge** · 23-08-2013, 03:10 PM

I understand Jesus saves.

Send him to Crystal Palace.

**Jesus Jones** · 23-08-2013, 04:00 PM

I had a very old Chinese guy tell me and a couple of mates in very good English the same thing a while back. A week after he spoke to us Jesus was coming. He then realized one of my friends was French and told him in fluent French. Obviously clever but mad at the same time!

**Bung** · 23-08-2013, 04:06 PM

Jesus is coming.

Look busy.

**Hans Mann** · 23-08-2013, 04:14 PM

Hide your bong.

**Albert Shagnastier** · 23-08-2013, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by Hans Mann

Hide your bong.

Jesus will be caned and able.

**jizzybloke** · 23-08-2013, 04:23 PM

Funny thing was that I saw this big lump walk past the bar out the corner of my eye and it must have come back on itself just to come and tell me that cobblers

**November Rain** · 23-08-2013, 05:11 PM

Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton

My wife says I ooze hostility

That sounds really cool. Wish I did.

**misskit** · 23-08-2013, 05:19 PM

^Ha! Me, too, NR. I am loony magnet.

I try to avoid sitting with an empty seat open next to me on any public transportation. Sure as the sun shines, the next ranting nut job boarding will sit right there by my side, even if the rest of the seats are empty.

**Davis Knowlton** · 23-08-2013, 05:19 PM

Originally Posted by November Rain

Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton

My wife says I ooze hostility

That sounds really cool. Wish I did.

It is. I still have a grading card from pre-school in a French lycee in which my teacher comments, "Davis exudes an aura of barely restrained aggression and hostility". I have always treasured that keepsake.

**VocalNeal** · 23-08-2013, 05:23 PM

Was sat once at the far (soi23) end of cowboy there were some nutters with placards, exploitation of women, this is a heathen place, repent your sins blah,blah blah I was sat outside with a mate on the left at the very small terrace watching all this. After about an hour they must have been a bit hoarse 'cause they came into the bar and had a beer!

**reddog** · 23-08-2013, 06:52 PM

Originally Posted by misskit

^Ha! Me, too, NR. I am loony magnet.

I try to avoid sitting with an empty seat open next to me on any public transportation. Sure as the sun shines, the next ranting nut job boarding will sit right there by my side, even if the rest of the seats are empty.

i think you may have to change to a new perfume.

**Aberlour** · 23-08-2013, 07:12 PM

Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton

Creatures like that never approach me. My wife says I ooze hostility. Whatever it is, works a charm.

I've been working on mine for years. I can't remember the last time one of those charity people standing on the high street dared approach me.

You just have to remember to turn it off before you get served by the little old lady in the bakers.

**Cujo** · 23-08-2013, 09:19 PM

Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton

It is. I still have a grading card from pre-school in a French lycee in which my teacher comments, "Davis exudes an aura of barely restrained aggression and hostility". I have always treasured that keepsake.

Pre school..

**Gerbil** · 23-08-2013, 09:27 PM

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,

"Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird, Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller, Jesus."

**Thormaturge** · 23-08-2013, 11:36 PM

Originally Posted by jizzybloke

Sat in a little bar having a beer last week and this thing lurched over to me from the pavement and told me "Jesus is coming"

Don't worry, we're ready for him this time.

There can't be a town, not even a hamlet, in the Christian world that doesn't have a cross ready for him.

**wasabi** · 24-08-2013, 12:33 AM

I would really enjoy the company of Jesus in a Bar,I would order a huge jug of tap water,and hey presto he could turn the water into wine.

**Davis Knowlton** · 24-08-2013, 09:46 AM

Originally Posted by Koojo

Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton

It is. I still have a grading card from pre-school in a French lycee in which my teacher comments, "Davis exudes an aura of barely restrained aggression and hostility". I have always treasured that keepsake.

Pre school..

Those little surrender monkeys were lining up to hand over their lunch money and wine rations.............

**terry57** · 24-08-2013, 10:12 AM

I seen Jesus last night in Sathorn after a skin full off piss.

He looked like he needed a good hair cut and a shower so I kicked him in the bolliks and fuked of home to my Hotel.

**Ratchaburi** · 24-08-2013, 10:21 AM

Originally Posted by jizzybloke

Sat in a little bar having a beer last week and this thing lurched over to me from the pavement and told me "Jesus is coming"
I smiled and said " the more the merrier but I'm not paying for his drinks"
She said it about 4 times getting more stroppy every time and each time I would say that I don't like Ponce's and I won't buy him a drink.
Then she said "I'm just minding my own business but I wanted you to know that he's coming"
I got a bit pissed off at that so I said " you went out of your way to come here and tell me some shit about someone that doesn't exist, so keep minding your own business and fuck off"

Big retarded sounding black woman with starey loony eyes and big hair.

Where do these nutters come from and how do they always find me???

Welcome to Thailand it a Farangs thing

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