Thread: Stumped And Stamped

It was with much trepidation and horror recently that i had to make a personal and mandatory appearance at the Nong Khai Immigration Office.
Not being such a big deal usually but this time accompanying me was my passport that had been through 4 cycles of the samsung 8 kilo load washing machine.Possibly one of the cleanest passports this side of the nearest Bangkok brothel. It wasn't also clean but torn, ripped,ragged and looked like 4 rats had Christmas dinner with it..With it i had to obtain a re entry permit to go to Laos to obtain a new one.
Upon arriving i was summoned to a chair opposite an official with all the charm of a gas chamber attendant. An irredeemable man of no character who was all hat and no rabbit,all medals with no battles and a blandness that screamed my mum's cooking.His furious stamping and leafing of forms were the only signs of his personality. He took my passport to examine it,question it,doubt it and hopefully i thought fall in love with it.
With his first look at me after 5 minutes, his opening gambit was shot at me like a vindaloo fart. ''AUSTRALIAN'', err, certainly mate,''WHAT?'', yes sir.
'WHAT YOU DO IN THAILAND?', i shout at drunken Englishmen, ''WHY'', to teach them proper English of cause. ''REALLY'', yes indeed, i own a bar and can't work it myself, so you tell me, and because you won't give me a work permit i have to yell at the Thai staff as well.''WHY?'' because they can't speak English. Thumbing through my dilapidated passport now and where was once my sacred but one could conjure, dodgy retirement visa, the cat and mouse questioning began. ''WHERE YOU GET PASSPORT?'' Laos, ''WHY?'' why not? ''WHERE YOU GET RETIRE VISA'' eeeerrrrrrrrrrrr Khon Khan.''BIG PROBLEM'' I shit myself , err what problem?''WITH YOU GET NEW PASSPORT YOU GO TO KHON KHAN FOR NEW VISA STAMP'' I breathed again.Suddenly he jumped to his feet and headed to another room,i stopped breathing again ,with one short leg he walked as though he was going uphill and downhill all at the same time. Returning quickly he had a ream of paper and started furiously stamping,tearing and jamming sheets in his typewriter, this wasn't going well. Someone,somewhere,somehow had really upset him.''WHY YOU RETIRE HERE?'' cause i can.''YOU TOO YOUNG'', i'm older than you, ''YOU TOO OLD THEN''. ''I SOLLY, COME BACK TOMORROW'' Fuck, this ain't good.Next day i walked in, gave my passport to the regular stunner i see, hello Big Fella, hello sweetness, bing, bang , bong, here is all you need and when you get your new passport come back to me and i'll get everything you need done. It's amazing what you can get done here by giving someone the occasional OBE, (old brown envelope) .THAILAND,UNBELIEVABLE ONE DAY, AMAZING THE NEXT. (STUMPED AND STAMPED)

Happy ending to the story ,, always good news

I'm interested in which part of the proceedings the "old brown envelope" appeared.
I've never had to do this. Requested by whom ? Stumpy, or the girl ? And was it referred to as a "donation to the local orphanage" ?

Why do you have to go to Laos to get a replacement passport?
Did our embassy burn down?

Originally Posted by dake333

An irredeemable man of no character who was all hat and no rabbit,all medals with no battles and a blandness that screamed my mum's cooking.His furious stamping and leafing of forms were the only signs of his personality.

Sounds like the prick we had at Udon for a while.

Charmless nerk.

Just as aside, this gave me a chuckle

"''WHY'', to teach them proper English of cause." (sic)

Aussies lol

We're not all cultureless dorks. Though I did cringe a lot at the Sunday markets today.

Originally Posted by Necron99

Why do you have to go to Laos to get a replacement passport?
Did our embassy burn down?

Probably worn out his welsome on South Sathorn Road.

Originally Posted by pseudolus

Charmless nerk.

Just as aside, this gave me a chuckle

"''WHY'', to teach them proper English of cause." (sic)

Aussies lol

GREAT TO SEE AT LEAST ONE PERSON ON TD WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR.