Thread: Being an Older parent

Originally Posted by Looper

the earlier in adult life that comes the better and for old parents that is more likely to be early.

I'd argue for various reasons, that this windfall would be most productive to come in their 30's or 40's.

I think we are designed to have children at a young-ish age. (Less wear and tear on the female body, higher energy levels to cope with demands of infants, etc).
Having said that, had my 1st boy at 45 (missus 39 yo) last year though, and nothing could have made us happier. (Even with the financial ramifications ).

I have a 32 year old daughter, a 9 year old daughter a few in between and 2 grandchildren.

I was in my early 20's for my first and mid 40's for my last and it has nothing about age but more about spending quality time with your kids particularly when they are young.

Originally Posted by adzt1

45 +39 . all good I take it? . no probs ? out of the ordinary worries?
my wife wants another (already) , she is 37 in December and will be closer to ifnot 38.
she is worried she will be too old and have complications . although we would love another we are both worried about this.

Have your wife get checked out by a good gyno. If no physical problems, go for it - 38 isn't old. Nor is 45 old for a man.

At 38, you've obviously got a higher risk of having a child with Downs Syndrome.

Originally Posted by adzt1

45 +39 . all good I take it? . no probs ? out of the ordinary worries?
my wife wants another (already) , she is 37 in December and will be closer to ifnot 38.
she is worried she will be too old and have complications . although we would love another we are both worried about this.

Not too old, but probably worth having an amniocentesis test. Odds still way in your favour - but probably the benefits of the test outway the risks:

Frequency of Down syndrome per maternal age

Originally Posted by Zooheekock

At 38, you've obviously got a higher risk of having a child with Downs Syndrome.

It is an increased risk. About 1/1000 at age 25. About 1/100 at age 40. Still, that's a 1% risk factor.

^ yes . its a risk we are worried about though.
I mean , when my son was born , they brought him out said its a boy , yahoo I thought , then a second later I'm asking how many toes? fingers all ok? does he look ok ? is he ok ? when will he open his eyes so I can see if they are ok? n all that.
misses comes out 2 hrs later, first thing out of her mouth is , is he healthy? yes I says , she goes quiet, I could see the relaxation flow into her body, Jesus I thought , she was worried more than me and I was fkin worried.

I suppose our worries are for the child and for us too, it would be hard for us to care for a child 24-7 , we're in Thailand so although medical aftercare is available it would mean a very big put out each time.
so just the last few days we've been thinking, another or not?,
one day its one answer the next day another.

were going to start to look into it and do some research

Originally Posted by adzt1

45 +39 . all good I take it? . no probs ? out of the ordinary worries?
my wife wants another (already) , she is 37 in December and will be closer to ifnot 38.
she is worried she will be too old and have complications . although we would love another we are both worried about this.

Late 30's for a Mother carries additional risk of Downs and other birth defects as stated^. Nothing much to worry about if your missus is in good health and had no previous problems with pregnancy and birth.
Make sure she gets checked out (ultrasound and amniotic checks) throughout the pregnancy by a good doctor. (Bkk-Pattaya were very good for us, throughout the whole pregnancy and birth).

We fortunately had no probs, and have a very healthy 1 yo boy now.

Hoping all goes just as well for you. Do it.

Man am I glad my child days are lonnnng behind me now. My daughters are 21 and 18 and are heading off on life now. I could not imagine going through the 9 months of having to watch everything you eat, stay away from bad elements that might damage the fetus during those 3 trimesters, buying special foods and body cremes. The endless whining about how her feet, back and legs hurt. Then when the grunion pops out having to go through long sleepless nights of crying, shitty diapers, doctor appts, worrying etc. Moreover watching the child latch onto Mom knowing I can only watch. Then wait for months to have sex again as she is not "Feeling" like it at all. While the sex is gone you are still loading the stroller and car seats, packing diaper bags and making sure that all is in order before leaving the house.

A great number of women have such a bizarre life change when having children when older. The body does not bounce back to what it was. Her recovery is longer. Depression can takes over and sex becomes just a word.........

^ ahh , too much detail



former western wife? we're talking Thai .now!!!!

are you sure? tell me it ain't true !

Originally Posted by JPPR2

I could not imagine going through the 9 months of having to watch everything you eat, stay away from bad elements that might damage the fetus during those 3 trimesters, buying special foods and body cremes.

It is your wife that should be doing all that

Whatever floats your stick!!! Personally, I have a 2 1/2 year old son with a Thai and three other grown childred back in the US. I have been able to spend far more time with my young son than the other three which is much to his benefit and mine.

Even though I had more money coming in before I retired, it did me no good since much of my energy and time was consumed by work. I have been lucky to be healthy enough to have a son in my retirement years and have no regrets. Who knows how long I will be around. I could have started my family in my 20's and then be killed in a car crash shortly after, so there are no assurances how long you have to spend with your children in the end.

yes its not selfish at all . otherwise do you campaign that all infantry on deployments are selfish if they have children?

Originally Posted by rickschoppers

I have a 2 1/2 year old son with a Thai and three other grown childred back in the US.

Ass whipped in the US same as JPR2 ? Ass whipped in Thailand probably not.

Originally Posted by adzt1

yes its not selfish at all . otherwise do you campaign that all infantry on deployments are selfish if they have children?

At what stage are pregnant "infantry on deployment" sent back home?

one had her baby in Iraq recently

Originally Posted by OhOh

Ass whipped in the US same as JPR2 ? Ass whipped in Thailand probably not.

Not ass whipped... just VERY different worlds. In US both parents almost have to work to sustain a descent life. I made a full commitment to my children and because I was able to do that I spent quality time with them from birth and do so even now. I CHOSE to be involved. I enjoyed all those night times reading stories, Getting them ready for bed. Assisting with homework, going on field trips, Showing them how to fish, surf, scuba dive, coaching them both to swim competitively, sad nights when boys broke their hearts, and seeing them both off to college. The list is HUGE. If that's ass whipped then I am glad I was....... This is why I say having children very late in life leads me to believe that men will not be able to be actively involved in their lives, Sure moral support, financial support but the other stuff like street smarts, academics, physical activities, Listening to their music and learning how to appreciate it somehow, Its a ton of work and takes a tremendous amount patience.

As for Thailand, it is 180 of US in most regards. I personally think a majority men in Thailand are very hands off in rearing their children. I have witnessed it first hand on many occasions. I have Thai friends where the man plays with his child for a few minutes but the wife feeds, bathes, cleans up after the little one, dresses them for bed, and sees the little one off for the night. Basically wife takes care of everything including all the family chores. I suspect many foreigners married to Thais receive similar treatment and why many moved to Thailand for that very reason. Not saying its bad mind you, their lives, their choices. Its like the 50- 60's in US. Man worked, women stayed home.

Regardless of my stance on having children when older I applaud any man that takes an active role in raising their children, young or old. Your affect on them is powerful and lasts with them forever. RickC, Davis K my hats are off to you.

Originally Posted by JPPR2

As for Thailand, it is 180 of US in most regards. I personally think a majority men in Thailand are very hands off in rearing their children. I have witnessed it first hand on many occasions. I have Thai friends where the man plays with his child for a few minutes but the wife feeds, bathes, cleans up after the little one, dresses them for bed, and sees the little one off for the night. Basically wife takes care of everything including all the family chores..

Interesting cultural differences. When I lived in Brazil it was the father who took over nearly 100% care of the child. Out in public it was Dad carrying the baby - fussing over it while Mom schmoozed with her girlfriends.

Originally Posted by JPPR2

Listening to their music and learning how to appreciate it

I bet they were glad about that

Hope you learned all the dance moves too to show them how much you appreciate their music!

Originally Posted by OhOh

Originally Posted by JPPR2

I could not imagine going through the 9 months of having to watch everything you eat, stay away from bad elements that might damage the fetus during those 3 trimesters, buying special foods and body cremes. The endless whining about how her feet, back and legs hurt. Then when the grunion pops out having to go through long sleepless nights of crying, shitty diapers, doctor appts, worrying etc. Moreover watching the child latch onto Mom knowing I can only watch. Then wait for months to have sex again as she is not "Feeling" like it at all. While the sex is gone you are still loading the stroller and car seats, packing diaper bags and making sure that all is in order before leaving the house.

Originally Posted by JPPR2

I enjoyed all those night times reading stories, Getting them ready for bed. Assisting with homework, going on field trips, Showing them how to fish, surf, scuba dive, coaching them both to swim competitively, sad nights when boys broke their hearts, and seeing them both off to college. The list is HUGE. If that's ass whipped then I am glad I was

I knew when I posted my comment it was a little over the top and as you say it is the accepted fact now that US males have a tough time negotiating relationships with US females.

The examples you gave in the first post, husband/wife relationship and were pretty negative. The second post is regarding your father/child relationship and I would not expect that to be in any way the same. As you have listed it is a thrill, if not some times challenging, to raise kids, wherever you live.

True they do appear a bit negative. However the first paragraph had nothing to do with being ass whipped just the reality if you are in a relationship where you are TRULY supporting your wife and why I said I could NEVER do it again. Especially later in life when we all know your patience for things seems to dwindle.

I do not care what anyone says, raising children is very difficult if YOU do it and not a Nanny or a grandparent. There are great rewards in raising your child but a ton of sacrifices. So what I am saying is I enjoyed it(still do but of course totally hands off now),would never change what I had to pass on to accomplish it, but would never do it again.

While I still retain a great level of patience and am out doing all the things I did when raising my daughters, I am not willing to make that sacrifice. I do not want to give up my personal freedom nor have a child to appease a younger wife nor subject an older gal to health risks to dump the little one on an inlaw or expect my wife to raise it while I play. This is my time now........

As I said, this is just my view on the subject.

Originally Posted by JPPR2

but of course totally hands off now

I don't think kids are ever totally hands off, there always something that needs a helping hand.

Originally Posted by OhOh

Originally Posted by JPPR2

but of course totally hands off now

I don't think kids are ever totally hands off, there always something that needs a helping hand.

A phone call away but nothing day to day.