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  1. #1
    Member arfursixpence's Avatar
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    Tonights Entertainment at my place is...

    My wife and her family are extremely under the influence of the Jowtie, they give whisky and food and believe all of this shit in a big way. Truly, they feed the Jowtie with food and drink everyday - if something goes wrong they appease the Jowtie, it is like a God to them (They were not impressed when I shot up his little home a few years back with an air rifle - in fact I think they see me as being condemned to hell forever for that act)

    However,

    Today, my son recorded some evil wicked message on his computer which was in Northern Thai, their local dialect, that basically went "Wake up you fucker and get out of bed and give me, the Jowtie 10,000 Baht NOW"

    I thought it was quite amusing, but it progressed........

    He recorded it on his computer then used some voice / audio software to change the sound into something like a Thai Darth Vader, and believe me, if the mother in law heard it she would die of shock! (There is no way they would think it was him - it sounds like some 100 year old spook .)

    So his plan continues...

    So now he transfers the audio onto his handphone, and sets the new audio up as the ringtone. When you dial his phone you get this fucking horrible Jowtie message!

    The phone is now hidden under the wifes bed.....we are just waiting for her to fall slightly asleep before we call her! (We have one of those traditional Thai teak beds - like a giant open coffin with drawers and cupboards at the headboard, the phone is under these one inch thick planks of teak which seem to act as a sounding box!

    I rang it today before she came back home and I swear to god if I got that message in the middle of the night I would shit myself.

    I have already warned him, if she finds this is on his phone she will smash it to pieces, however he seems willing to take the chance, I'll let you know what happens!

    I expect it to end in tears, but there you go.

    However, if we should find 10,000 Baht at the Jowtie tomorrow, maybe I'll have a beer with you all in Bangkok!

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat
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    That's fucking brilliant.

    Your lad is going to be a fucking Bond villain before he's 25.

  3. #3
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    Looking forward to it.

  4. #4
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    Very impressed.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bettyboo View Post
    Very impressed.
    Yep. He does have a way with his family tales.

    9/10

  6. #6
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    I take it you don't sleep with your wife.

  7. #7
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    He must have at least once.

  8. #8
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    So when is she due to go to bed?

  9. #9
    Member arfursixpence's Avatar
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    We just made the first call of the night, she was lying on her back then clasped her hands in some sort of prayer gesture and started shaking! I had to end the call as it seemed like she was going into a fit!

    The funny thing now is, she is wasting all her True Move calls ringing the relatives to describe the experience!!!!!

    The boy cannot sleep, he wants to spook her again and to be truthfull I am all for it!

  10. #10
    Knows fok all
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    Save it for another day

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by arfursixpence View Post
    We just made the first call of the night, she was lying on her back then clasped her hands in some sort of prayer gesture and started shaking! I had to end the call as it seemed like she was going into a fit!

    The funny thing now is, she is wasting all her True Move calls ringing the relatives to describe the experience!!!!!

    The boy cannot sleep, he wants to spook her again and to be truthfull I am all for it!
    Classic,

    I wonder if they're organizing getting the 10,000 together.
    You could be onto something here.
    Buy another cheap phone that you can leave there more or less permanantly for use when you need a bit of extra cash.

  12. #12
    Member arfursixpence's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog View Post
    I take it you don't sleep with your wife.

    Not until she sleeps first or I pass out!

  13. #13
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    Jowtie ??

  14. #14
    Member arfursixpence's Avatar
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    Really though, something is up, the boy has been summoned to bed, and she seems to be in a rather excited mood - I have promised to ring him again in five minutes!.....honestly, there are tears running down my face! And True Move is HOT!

  15. #15
    Member arfursixpence's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fondles View Post
    Jowtie ??
    Those stupid fucking spirit houses that the so called "Buddists" (Animists) keep at the bottom of the garden - the mother in law just bought a new one with a fucking golden ladder for the little demon bastard to climb!

  16. #16
    The Pikey Hunter
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog
    I take it you don't sleep with your wife.
    I don't fucking blame her. If he as much of a cnut in real life as he makes out here.

    Once he becomes worth more dead than alive, I expect his life expectancy will drop to zero.

  17. #17
    Member arfursixpence's Avatar
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    Just made the second call.....just a tirade of "FUCK OFF" Guess we got rumbled! I can hear the kid getting one hell of a scolding - I told the daft fucker not to get in the same bed!

    Guess that is the fun over for tonight - pay the piper in the morning.

    It was worth it though, apparently she was trying to claw at the walls (concrete) to find where the "VOICE" was coming from!
    Last edited by arfursixpence; 25-02-2012 at 11:00 PM.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by arfursixpence
    fucking golden ladder for the little demon bastard to climb!
    Oh so funny, made me chuckle!!!
    It was worth it though, apparently she was trying to claw at the walls (concrete) to find where the "VOICE" was coming from!
    My misses is the most supersticious Woman ive ever know gotta try something like this on her!

  19. #19
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    What an excellent ploy. Can't he upload it to a Thai ringtone site and coin some gold?

    Is checking your neighbours "Jowtie" for left goodies frowned upon?

  20. #20
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    Heavy breather fever,I hope you are prepared for the"LOOK"

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by OhOh View Post
    What an excellent ploy. Can't he upload it to a Thai ringtone site and coin some gold?

    Is checking your neighbours "Jowtie" for left goodies frowned upon?

  22. #22
    anonymous ant
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    Quote Originally Posted by Koojo View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by OhOh View Post
    What an excellent ploy. Can't he upload it to a Thai ringtone site and coin some gold?

    Is checking your neighbours "Jowtie" for left goodies frowned upon?
    my ex used to leave a small glass of hooch and some fruit for the kunt, and it was always finished by the next morning...........
    she never said a word, but my kids eventually found out that the disappearing cookie and bottle of beer they would leave for santa on xmas eve was consumed by tsicar.
    either the kids were brighter than her, or she knew i used to drink budda's tipple but said nothing and just went through the motions anyway coz it is a thai thing.

    screw her AND that budda fellow AND the bloody spooks and plastic animals in the spookhouse: i PAID for the stuff in the first place!
    brrrzzzzt, brrrzzzt!
    beep!. ting, ting
    redirecting, please be patient..........:

    hello, insect!
    brrrzzzt, brrrzzzt..................

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by tsicar
    just went through the motions anyway coz it is a thai thing.
    Keeping everyone happy is their main aim in life, earns them kudos with everyone.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by tsicar View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Koojo View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by OhOh View Post
    What an excellent ploy. Can't he upload it to a Thai ringtone site and coin some gold?

    Is checking your neighbours "Jowtie" for left goodies frowned upon?
    my ex used to leave a small glass of hooch and some fruit for the kunt, and it was always finished by the next morning...........
    she never said a word, but my kids eventually found out that the disappearing cookie and bottle of beer they would leave for santa on xmas eve was consumed by tsicar.
    either the kids were brighter than her, or she knew i used to drink budda's tipple but said nothing and just went through the motions anyway coz it is a thai thing.

    screw her AND that budda fellow AND the bloody spooks and plastic animals in the spookhouse: i PAID for the stuff in the first place!
    Next time, try a full packet of cigs and Fanta green.....it usually last longer.

  25. #25
    Member BillyBobThai's Avatar
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    My wife daily puts out a small cup of cooked rice, a peeled boiled egg and a bowl of water for what she calls, her Buddha. The dog eats the egg and drinks the water and everybody is happy.

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