Thread: The Blokes' Healthy Kitchen

Originally Posted by Reg Dingle

We need a Mendy and Loopy early evening jousting thread.

Well, it seems that only you need that.

You freak.

I must say it was nice to have a flat stomach again though.

Originally Posted by Reg Dingle

^^ you must have a different definition of flat to me!

Deary me, this health food thread has taken a curious and somewhat unhealthy turn

Reg has been busy conjuring some unfeasibly monstrous members for a medieval evening joust

The tale of the liberation of my splendid if somewhat average sized cock came with some twists and turns.

My first plan was to shoot it with my Rambo bow but the calibration proved that its aim was bending to the right (the opposite direction to my cock) so I was not confident and did not want to just injure it and have it run off with an arrow sticking out of his arse.

I then pursued a strategy of trying to poison it with cunningly disguised bright blue rat poison in its yellow grains

I succeeded in getting it to eat quite a bit of rat poison before reading that avians, and chickens in particular, and cocks in particular particular are highly resistant to most rat poisons.

I then formulated a plan to kill it with my bare hands. I am highly experienced in various vigorous chicken choking and cock throttling techniques.

It had taken to roosting in a tree near the house. Once it started roosting it became very drowsy. I was able to knock it off its perch with my pool pole and it then ran off.

But being a dazzling white cock (the best kind) it was easy to find, even in the dark, as it stuck out like a sore thumb even on a moonless night. I tiptoed right up to it and its eyes were open but nobody was home. I grabbed it while wearing my gardening gloves to protect against its talons and had a miniature pick axe I was going to batter it to death with but as soon as I touched it leapt back to life and off into the forest and took to roosting further afield on the following nights.

But it was always back in the morning looking for a feed.

I was happy in the end with my trap solution

My conscience did not have to bear the crushing weight of a bludgeoned and battered, bloody and bruised cock and my heart is warmed knowing that my splendid white cock roams the hills and dales of New South Wales to wake some other coont up at 4.30am

Originally Posted by Looper

knowing that my splendid white cock roams the hills and dales of New South Wales to wake some other coont up at 4.30am

Wonder if it will find it's way home?

^I do not know if chickens share any homing navigation genes with the more airworthy avians.

I deliberately chose a spot south of the mighty Tweed river which is about 100m wide

If he makes it I will name him Lassie

But I will also invest in some Rambo II grenade tips for my arrows so that I can dispatch him without risk of partial injury

Easy caveman dinner

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