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  1. #1
    A Cockless Wonder
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    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway

    Ezequiel Lavezzi has retired from the Argentine squad so he won't be playing in the semi but I was inspired by his Chinese Super League promotional face pulling to try my hand at Chinese cooking.

    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway-photo_139618-jpg

    I have spent the last 12 months perfecting the Indian curry to die for and I now feel the time is right to rise to new challenges

    I went for Black Bean Sauce.

    Cooking instructions on t'internet are normally for a stir fry but I want the BBS that you get in real chinkies. When you get a takeaway the BBS is in tub like stew. It is not like a stir fry.

    So anyway I add some olive oil and sesame oil to the pan and chop my chicken and onion into it to gently heat up.

    I then added a whole bottle of BBS, some rice wine vinegar, ginger and garlic and also some Vietnamese chilli sauce to give it some kick.

    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway-img_20221213_224201-jpg

    I added water and flour to give it a more stewy body and added a splash of honey.

    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway-img_20221213_230422-jpg

    I ended up with this.

    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway-img_20221213_231647-jpg

    I do not know what it is called. It does not resemble classic Chinese takeaway BBS in any way but it is very tasty and I would happily make my new Chinese mystery dish again as is. But probably next time I will do more research on how to attain something closer to the real takeaway flavour

    Or maybe turn my hand to Sweet and Sour

    Gotta love Zeke's ecclesiastical chest tattoo.

    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway-ezequiel-lavezzi-jesus-tattoo-png

    I might get one of them after watching The Passion last month.

  2. #2
    Making people dance. :-)
    Edmond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Looper View Post
    I ended up with this.
    A motivational cooking line if ever there was one.




    I'll actually take 6 tubs delivered if yer good for it.

  3. #3
    A Cockless Wonder
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edmond View Post
    A motivational cooking line if ever there was one
    I might beat a retreat and start with sweet and sour baby steps before tackling my next BBS experiment

    Quote Originally Posted by Edmond View Post
    I'll actually take 6 tubs delivered if yer good for it.
    This takeaway tub actually contains 6 serves going by the serve yieldage obtained from my Indian Curry batch cookery method

    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway-img_20221214_061236-jpg

    I need to get smaller oblong plastic tubs to give it that authentic Golden Dragon takeaway vibe

  4. #4
    5 4 Knoll
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    Real Chinese spy rescuing a person from Manchester by force



    A Ms Reg Dong Dinglebowl had basted himslef in sweet and sour sauce with her b/f a Mr Chitychitty Hoisin Duckandsuck and begged to be pulled off the pavement without satisfaction
    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer View Post
    I just want the chance to use a bigger porridge bowl.

  5. #5
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    olive oil
    Try corn oil, for Chinese. Those black beans look a bit suss- more like kidney beans. Anyway, it tasted good so kudos.

  6. #6
    A Cockless Wonder
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    Quote Originally Posted by Looper View Post
    I might beat a retreat and start with sweet and sour baby steps before tackling my next BBS experiment
    Et viola...

    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway-img_20221222_223305-jpg

    The early stage cooking shot did not come out on my chinko phone. It is 4 years old that phone so that is not a denigration or negative refelection on our fine Chinese friends' engineering skillz.

    Add the sweet and sour sauce + ginger and garlic. It is easy to make your own SSS (use the juice from the pineapple tin as a base) but it is even easier to buy a big jar for $4. This was 2 big jars for the batch job.

    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway-img_20221222_223740-jpg

    And plated

    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway-img_20221222_231900-jpg

    It was not as exciting as the BBS at first. But I added some vietnamese super-spicy chilli sauce to give it a turbo boost and it grew on me

    Quote Originally Posted by sabang View Post
    Those black beans look a bit suss- more like kidney beans
    I added kidney beans since the chicken was not enough bulk mass for a batch job

  7. #7
    A Cockless Wonder
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    Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

    This smoky tomato Chinese BBQ sauce showed mild promise upon uncorking the jar to go with the Onions and Chicken.

    I turbocharged it with

    Soy sauce
    Rice wine vinegar
    Ginger
    Garlic
    Black bean
    Sesame oil
    Vietnamese chilli sauce
    Thai Fit Sot

    And rocketed it straight to a podium finish for the Chinese fakey takeaway 2023 cullinary olympics

    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway-img_20230226_215610-jpg

    This is a bona fide winner and will be repeated meticulously as per my original hashed up random recipe

    Awesome possum

    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway-img_20230226_220415-jpg


    Took about 15 minutes and made a batch that will do at least 4 dinners which is under the blokeworthy bar of 4 minutes per meal. (the rice had already been cooked and just needed 2 minutes in the nookyulator)

    A pot noodle takes 3 minutes.

    Can't say fairer than that.

    I did not even know that tomatoes existed in China.

  8. #8
    A Cockless Wonder
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    I am feeling more confident about the merits of this Chinese smoky BBQ sauce so I thought I would pull out the blokish stops with a double batch

    I bring you a jar sauce masterclass:

    Maillard reaction temperature must be reached before uncorking the jars

    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway-20230402_201507-jpg


    What the sauce really brings is smokiness. The rest of the flavour is meh and needs a bit of a leg-up so time to wheel in the supporting cast of

    garlic
    ginger
    soy sauce
    fit sot
    sesame oil
    vietnamese chilli sauce
    rice wine vinegar
    black bean sauce

    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway-20230402_202106-jpg

    The first plate left me with 2 litres of BBQ stew leftover which will last over a week

    The TeakDOOR Chinese Takeaway-20230402_205353-jpg

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