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  1. #1
    A Cockless Wonder
    Looper's Avatar
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    How to make a cup of coffee

    First chop down 4 out of the 5 strange bushes growing in your garden before thinking of taking a pic and posting online to find out what they are.

    How to make a cup of coffee-img_20200525_175128-jpg


    Once you find out that they are coffee bushes refrain from cutting down the the last one and wait till the cherries turn from green to red before picking them off (the coffee bush blunder was 2 years ago and the mistakenly axed ones have bounced back fairly quickly).

    How to make a cup of coffee-img_20200525_175052-jpg


    Mash the beans in a pestle like what they use to make som tam.

    How to make a cup of coffee-img_20200530_201826-jpg


    Don't throw the cherry flesh away as it is sweet and yummy.

    How to make a cup of coffee-img_20200530_203242-jpg


    You can eat it or you can dry it and use the fried flesh to make herbal tea.... coffee tea! You can even make tea from the fresh flesh.

    How to make a cup of coffee-img_20200626_012008-jpg


    Dry the defleshed beans for a few days until the outer covering turns papery white.

    How to make a cup of coffee-img_20200625_011217-jpg


    Mash the dried beans with the pestle again to remove the papery covering and inside you will find the coffee beans which are not brown but rather a kind of olive green.


    How to make a cup of coffee-img_20200625_013420-jpg


    Don't feel disappointed and inadequate if your beans appear smaller than other fella's beans. These are green beans and they will swell up with pride and vigour during roasting.

    Roast the green beans in a pan for about 10 minutes or until they start to turn brown.

    How to make a cup of coffee-img_20210507_031820-jpg


    When you are roasting after about 5 minutes you will hear the 'first crack' which is like a kind of popcorn noise the beans make as they get contorted by the heat and the oils start to migrate from the bean centre and the Maillard reaction begins.

    This is the start of light roast and you can stop now if you want.

    Or you can continue towards second crack which is another cracking stage when approaching a dark roast via the post-maillard caramelisation process.

    How to make a cup of coffee-img_20210507_033215-jpg


    Try to under-cook it as the beans will go on roasting for a few minutes even after removed from the heat.

    Be careful to whip them off second crack at the latest as very soon you will have charcoal beans if you don't cool them down.

    Now leave the beans to settle for a couple of days in a sealed container in the fridge. This process is called degassing and lets CO2 formed during roasting escape from the beans. If you grind it to soon there will be incomplete degassing which makes for an uneven flavour.

    Grind the beans after they have breathed for 2 days

    Now make your coffee in a 12 bar coffee machine

    How to make a cup of coffee-img_20191009_030937-jpg


    And finally settle down to meditate and feel your neurons popping like roasting coffee beans in your pre-frontal cortex

    How to make a cup of coffee-img_20210724_165848-jpg

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat helge's Avatar
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    Well done

    How did it taste ?

  3. #3
    Excommunicated baldrick's Avatar
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    very good effort

    Quote Originally Posted by Looper View Post
    a 12 bar coffee machine
    90 AUD from tarjay and has been working just fine for a year

  4. #4
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    I've often thought of doing just what you did, from the bean to the coffee cup. But damn thats a lot of work for a cup of coffee, and you left out the most important part. How did it taste?

  5. #5
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    Excellent pictorial thread. I enjoyed reading it and learned something new today. Though I had a vague idea, I did not know how coffee was really made.
    Thank you for sharing.
    Unfortunately for me I cant have coffee anymore. After I had a pacemaker implanted a few months ago to mitigate an arrhythmia, one day, I was filling like crap and when to the doctor to have the pacemaker checked out.
    As it turned our ,the pacemaker was working fine, but I was experiencing a condition called Premature ventricular contractions (PCV are extra heartbeats that begin in one of your heart's two lower pumping chambers ventricles ) ,
    The doctor said that coffee could trigger such condition on people with pacemakers, and it usually only lasts a few days , but if it continued I would need to take medication for it.
    I stopped drinking coffee and the condition indeed went away. I am not sure if it was really the coffee or something else, but now I am afraid to drink coffee.
    But damn it I miss my morning coffee.
    The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Looper View Post
    How to make a cup of coffee
    Excellent, a clear, complete post.

  7. #7
    A Cockless Wonder
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buckaroo Banzai View Post
    Unfortunately for me I cant have coffee anymore. After I had a pacemaker implanted a few months ago to mitigate an arrhythmia, one day, I was filling like crap and when to the doctor to have the pacemaker checked out.
    That is a shame.

    I switched it down to once every second day. It buzzes my brain up to much if a I do it every day.

    Maybe you could try just once a week.

    Quote Originally Posted by helge View Post
    How did it taste ?
    It was better than I was expecting for fumbling through such a long process as a novice.

    I was really just doing it for the novelty of being able to say that I have done it from scratch.

    There was probably an hour's work in each cup.

    When you can buy a kilo of great coffee from Coles for $20 I cannot rationalise pursuing coffee brewing from scratch as a fiscally worthwhile activity.

    If you just want to try the roasting malarky to hear the crackle and pop you can buy green beans by the kilo and roast them yourself.

  8. #8
    Isle of discombobulation Joe 90's Avatar
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    With Coffee prices going through the roof at the moment and projected to go to the stratosphere, kudos to Looper.
    I would love to experience a proper cup of coffee, alas my idea of a coffee is two table spoons of Nescafe Gold with a
    Soup spoon of sugar and plenty of milk.

    A couple of Columbia's finest Cocoa leaves wouldnt go amiss.
    Shalom

  9. #9
    Hangin' Around cyrille's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joe 90 View Post
    A couple of Columbia's finest Cocoa leaves wouldnt go amiss.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joe 90 View Post
    alas my idea of a coffee is two table spoons of Nescafe Gold with a
    Soup spoon of sugar and plenty of milk.
    That in no way is any form of coffee, IMHO.

  11. #11
    Thailand Expat Saint Willy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aging one View Post
    That in no way is any form of coffee, IMHO.

    agreed.


    Funnily enough, there's a thread on coffee already

    Coffee drinking protocol

  12. #12
    Hangin' Around cyrille's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aging one View Post
    That in no way is any form of coffee, IMHO.
    Agreed, but it's a bloody sight better than his Cocoa.

  13. #13
    Thailand Expat Saint Willy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joe 90 View Post
    I would love to experience a proper cup of coffee
    It's not difficult, even in the wilds of South West England...


    Quote Originally Posted by Joe 90 View Post
    A couple of Columbia's finest Cocoa leaves wouldnt go amiss.
    More expensive than a good coffee. It's all about the choices we make.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheRealKW View Post


    More expensive than a good coffee.
    Depends where you are.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joe 90 View Post
    my idea of a coffee is two table spoons of Nescafe Gold with a
    Soup spoon of sugar and plenty of milk.
    Noooooo!

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Looper View Post
    Grind the beans after they have breathed for 2 days
    Do you have a grinder?

    There are various roaster options on Lazada, both stove-top and electric. You can also buy green beans. I did think about the DIY coffee, just for fun. After buying a roaster and a grinder and the green beans I wouldn't be saving any money on my daily espresso. In fact, if I wantedespresso, I'd need to buy another machine for that.
    Some roasters are also good for peanuts. I almost convinced myself until I realised that I am out of countertop space, I don't want any more kitchen appliances. Except maybe a breadmaker.

  17. #17
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    You don't knead a bread-maker.

    A dough mixer would be a nice, smaller and more versatile purchase than a bread-maker.

    Assuming you have an oven.

    How to make a cup of coffee-screen-shot-2021-07-27-15-a
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails How to make a cup of coffee-screen-shot-2021-07-27-15-a  

  18. #18
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by dirk diggler View Post
    You don't knead a bread-maker.
    Nice one.

    I no longer have an oven after my Otto airfryer exploded. I have a friend with a bread maker and she gets a fresh, small loaf every day with little fuss. (Because her maid does it all.)

  19. #19
    Thailand Expat VocalNeal's Avatar
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    Or

    Step 1 Get a pet Civet
    Step 2 Collect Civet poo and look for undigested beans
    Step 3 Carry on as above.

  20. #20
    Thailand Expat Saint Willy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dirk diggler View Post
    You don't knead a bread-maker.
    Dough't do that!

  21. #21
    A Cockless Wonder
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    Quote Originally Posted by baldrick View Post
    90 AUD from tarjay and has been working just fine for a year
    Mine will be 2 years old in about 2 months

    I had a strange problem with it after 6 months in that the crema went thin and the coffee was not as hot as before

    I had lost my receipt so I craftily bought another one with the intention of doing a dastardly dodgy switcheroo and returning the dud

    But then I found that the replacement was not as good as the original since they have reduced the pressure of the pump and modified the instructions to not overfill the coffee compartment. When I overfilled it and packed it tight like before (which I need to do to get properly string coffee) the new machine just dribbled and took 5-7 minutes to fill a cup.

    So I put the new machine back in its freshly opened box and returned it as 'unwanted' instead of 'defective' and went back to using the old one.

    Then a strange thing happened... when the weather warmed up in September... the old machine started making great coffee again!

    Turns out it seems to be sensitive to ambient temperature.

    We are now in the depths of winter once again and my crema is somewhat depleted once more.

    The coffee temp is also a couple of degrees down, but that is easily remedied with 15 seconds in the nuculator.

    But I am betting my top dollar that it will recover its performance once again in about 6 weeks as we move into spring

    The taste is still fine in winter and I can live with reduced crema for a few months a year.

  22. #22
    Thailand Expat Saint Willy's Avatar
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    How unusual

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