Thread: Near disaster on Nok Air

I just flew up from Don Mueauaoeng to Chiang Mai with Nok Air and I started getting an uneasy feeling about this flight whilst waiting at the gate. Talking to the dolly birds were two fat western women in what appeared to be pilot's uniforms.

"It couldn't be", I thought to myself. Even the Thais know that women can't be entrusted with millions of baht's worth of machinery (brand new 737-800 actually).

Things got even worse upon embarking. There was this blimp dressed in a hostess' uniform greeting the passengers. I was now really starting to worry; my palms were already damp as I lofted my luggage into the locker.

Then, my worst fears were confirmed as a grating northern chav scum voice threatened to blow the speakers as the 'captain' asked the flight crew to make sure the doors were shut properly and then welcomed everyone aboard.

What should I do? I felt like I was in the movie Final Destination as visions of crashing into other aircraft parked on the apron flashed through my mind. Luckily, there's only about 3 flights a day from Don Muoeuiaaong, so the area was free of obstacles.

My next worry was that we wouldn't get up enough speed to take off, as the 'pilot' took things nice & easy, so not to damage the shiny new paintwork on the plane as bugs splatter upon it at hight speed.

It was too late now; we were roaring down the runway and luckily, we managed to take off ok. I remembered that computers do everything on aeroplanes nowadays. Just as long as she didn't decide to over-ride the computer, so she can wave at Sharon's house on the way over Rangsit, we'd be ok.

About 30 mins into the flight, and we started our descent. Things had gone smoothly so far (great plane this), but I had forgotten that we had to land. My chest tightened and the sour aroma of fear induced sweat began to permeate the air around me as we continued to get lower and lower, and slower and slower until we eventually hit the runway with a bounce and finally got all the wheels back onto terra-firma.

That was lucky.

Hopefully, the pilot on the return leg will be a senile Indonesian who should've been put out to pasture years ago. I don't want to face fear like that ever again...

Why are you afraid of women?

I always suspected the airlines used sexy birds as air hostesses in tight fitting tops to distract passengers from dwelling over their emminent doom.

Guess those days are gone.

Originally Posted by Bexar County Stud

Why are you afraid of women?

Use your brain, numb-nuts.

If they can't drive a car, how the hell are they supposed to fly a plane?

It does sound like your afraid of women ....or intimidated by someone who has a skill you could never fathom to master in your sorry pathetic lifetime ,or , I get it now.... YOUR GAY! And probably a fat bastard too!!!

i must admit he had you worked out quite quickly, Marmite

I don't mind women flying, but kids that look like they're just out of high school sometimes give me the willies.

Originally Posted by Texpat

I don't mind women flying, but kids that look like they're just out of high school sometimes give me the willies.

The girl flying on my avatar was then about 16 and at high school in Culver, Indiana.

Originally Posted by Texpat

but kids that look like they're just out of high school sometimes give me the willies.

Yeah these kids don't have the skill or experience to handle something as technically advanced as a plane - that's why all fighter pilots are at least 55

Originally Posted by BosseO

Originally Posted by Texpat

I don't mind women flying, but kids that look like they're just out of high school sometimes give me the willies.

The girl flying on my avatar was then about 16 and at high school in Culver, Indiana.

Exactly the point!
She's forgotten to put the wheels down.....

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

she can wave at Sharon's house on the way over Rangsit

WTF are you talking about?

I have no problem a woman in charge of my flight..Less likely to take stupid risks.......and you dont have to reverse park planes

Originally Posted by geezopeete

It does sound like your afraid of women ....or intimidated by someone who has a skill you could never fathom to master in your sorry pathetic lifetime ,or , I get it now.... YOUR GAY! And probably a fat bastard too!!!

Originally Posted by slimboyfat

i must admit he had you worked out quite quickly, Marmite

Aye. That he did.

Originally Posted by sharon

WTF are you talking about?

Sorry, I forgot we had a sharon on here. Didn't mean you, just a mate of the pilot.

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

and the sour aroma of fear induced sweat began to permeate the air around me

that's just ur usual maliferous body odour

Originally Posted by sharon

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

she can wave at Sharon's house on the way over Rangsit

WTF are you talking about?

Have you moved, Sharon?

I feel sorry for the passengers on this flight - especially the ones sat next to the OP.

.... But it could have been worse - It could have been a long haul flight.

I feel sorry for the passengers on this flight - especially the ones sat next to the OP.

..............

Dear God. It's nearly time for Russian Roulette part 2....

Home safe & sound.

One of the English women was still in the cockpit, but we had Reg from Downunder guiding us home this time. These new Boeings are pretty strong though, as we didn't 'land' as such, it was more of a 'deposit' on the runway. I think Reg had been to the drive-through before going to work today.

To make up for it, one of the dolly birds was wearing suspenders. I'm not sure why the Scottish one greeted me in Thai though. I bet she didn't expect me to reply in Chinese...

Welcome to the real world!

Never meets your narrow-minded expectations. Does it?

(wonder why so many top-notch flight crew (english, Scottish, Downunder) are seeking cut-rate jobs in a third-world cesspit?)

Originally Posted by Texpat

wonder why so many top-notch flight crew (english, Scottish, Downunder) are seeking cut-rate jobs in a third-world cesspit?

I was wondering that too.

I think the recent expansion in Thailand has left a shortage of qualified pilots. It's good to see Nok not resorting to using semi-retired Indonesian pilots.

Originally Posted by Texpat

Never meets your narrow-minded expectations. Does it?

Ummm, do you really take every thing I say seriously? Oh dear. I didn't think you were one of 'those' Seppos.

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

These new Boeings are pretty strong though, as we didn't 'land' as such, it was more of a 'deposit' on the runway....

My smooth three wheel landings gave my flight instructor the creeps. He used to tell me "One day you will miss the three pointer and break the nose wheel off."
Did never happen, and will not as I quit flying many years ago.

Originally Posted by BosseO

Did they ever teach you to flare?