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  1. #476
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    Quote Originally Posted by BLD View Post
    The doc will write me a letter that her mum can include with her visa application , it might help speed up her application, worth a try
    Seems to be lots of different strands for you to deal with.

    Hope it all works out for you mate. Best wishes for you all.

  2. #477
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    It’s a big task for the poor bloke. When your beloved turns into an angry, wilful, irrational child the shock is huge, and no matter how centred you are it’s still a gut wrench.
    His to-do list -
    - keep my act together by whatever means
    - look after the kids
    - earn the money and pay the bills and do all the organising and maintenance
    - help my wife regardless of the abuse
    - liase with doctors who are overworked and under-resourced while they use their experience to guess which medications are advisable
    - keep my act together by whatever means despite having little or no family support while waiting for the situation to improve while knowing it might be a long time away

  3. #478
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    Yes, thats pretty much it. Not much else i can do i dont have much family here just a brother and his wife but he hasnt called in weeks. I also mentioned to the doc that i thought she had tricked me on the last night and hadnt taken the medicine that i gave her because she was super weird as soon as she got out of bed. The buddha music over and over was back. And as i had already committed to doing a few hours work i took her with me, no way was i going to leave her alone . But it was apparent i needed to take her back. She just wanted to fight. The doc reckons he will will change the medicine to one that dissolves as soon as it hits the tongue. Maybe shes been doing the same in hospital?

  4. #479
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    Ive just called her her and she was way more friendly than this morning when i visited asked if she wanted to speak to the kids she said she had. My oldest boy confirmed that she had . This is the bewildering thing , i never know what im gonna get. But even when shes hostile ive just gotta remember its not really her. Im.pretty sure when/ if the dust settles shes not gonna be the same girl.

  5. #480
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    Quote Originally Posted by BLD View Post
    Im.pretty sure when/ if the dust settles shes not gonna be the same girl.
    So sorry to hear this.

  6. #481
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    She cant understand why shes in a hospital with locked doors . As far as shes concerned shes fine when i say to her, when your feeling better, shes like wadda ya mean im alright. I wonder she even remembers the phsychotic event , fucking the house and getting carted of in an ambulance ?by the way ive had 3 bills for ambulances now 1 they turned up but wouldnt take her. Thank fuck for health insurance

  7. #482
    Thailand Expat armstrong's Avatar
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    Maybe some CCTV so you can show her. Although if losing face is a thing in Laos she might stab you to death

  8. #483
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    One aspect is the vast difference between being in Laos and Australia.
    Sometimes I’d watch my wife out mushrooming (or any food gathering) and suddenly get a flash that I was watching some jungle creature operating in a purely instinctive and enormously vital way - a way lost to the industrialised west for centuries.
    The fundamental connection to, and reverence of, Buddhism (that is something a western husband can understand to some degree but will never know what it feels like) is built into the women’s DNA. Just being immersed in the culture, environment, food and so on must be immensely comforting and not being in it must be immensely jarring no matter what anyone does to help in Australia.
    So a trip back to the ranch under your care might be very grounding for her when she’s fit to travel.
    But have the failsafe back-to-Perth plan ready to deploy.

  9. #484
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    Absolutely but they have to get the medicine nailed and she has to take it. But yeah regarding the food foraging i can totally relate to to that. Not long after we arrived here she found a park around the corner from the house with a small lake and found something edible in there. Like a wild spinach . In the philippines i think they call it petchai . Full of vitamins. Anyway another farang noticed the foraging and came over to ask if she was Thai, apparently his mrs is down there for a feed all the time

  10. #485
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    And i guess all those bugs they eat like grasshoppers, grubs, spiders, cockroaches didnt happen by accident maybe more from necessity?

  11. #486
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    Yes,shes gone well of reservation. She does have a very strong personality but im im afraid the combination of stressers have really tipped her over the edge

  12. #487
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    We can’t even begin to feel the world they come from.
    A few months ago I was in a Lao market beside the Kong River. Packed, full-on by local (Thai) standards. A different way of life and a hugely different way of being. Walking past 20 litre buckets of rotting fish attended by people I could pick up single-handed is wild but watching and feeling reveals a glimpse of a life experience that can now be described as pre-mobile. Mind you, they know that I got there on a plane and that’s wild for them.

    It’s in living memory that around the Kong people went hungry if the rice failed, because the infrastructure to move food around wasn’t there. Or so I’ve been told.
    Real grinding struggle and that memory never goes away in a sense.

    Which kinda explains the ‘I’ll take your stuff’ card that floats around sometimes. Despite you being the biggest asset to her and the kids if properly managed. When all you’ve got left is ‘All I’ve done is love you and support you and do whatever I can to be good to you’ and it’s still not good enough there’s only one logical thing to do, and that’s keep on doing the best you can for the four of you and take the blows until it rights itself as it will in time.

  13. #488
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    You come across as a good egg doc Martin. Best of luck with everything bld.

  14. #489
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    Quote Originally Posted by docmartin View Post
    When all you’ve got left is ‘All I’ve done is love you and support you and do whatever I can to be good to you’ and it’s still not good enough there’s only one logical thing to do, and that’s keep on doing the best you can for the four of you and take the blows until it rights itself as it will in time.
    As an adult BLD can choose to subject himself to an endless succession of emotional stress but as a father of 2 kids his priority must be the well being of the kids.

    My advice is what I would do to reduce the long term effect the emotional damage the kids are obviously experiencing.

    Difficult, and to some cruel, but wife/mom is the core problem hence the solution is to pull the plug on her. No more direct contact with her at all. Let the professionals whom she is currently being treated by do their thing.

    Note, what I would do in BLD's shoes. Not in his shoes as I don't know him or missus and only know what I read here but bases on it, what I would do in the same situation.
    "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect,"

  15. #490
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    Yeah there is a limit to what one man can do and if there’s not enough reserves to look after four then looking after three is the next step.

  16. #491
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    ^^ That sounds harsh Norts but maybe the only solution.

    I imagine the doctors have already tried to determine a fuse that sets her off and it my be that BLD is the catalyst which ignites her strange actions.

    I would speak to her doctors for their advice before cutting her off from her kids though.

  17. #492
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    Quote Originally Posted by Loy Toy View Post
    That sounds harsh Norts but maybe the only solution.
    Suppose but harsh or tough decisions are required at times to solve tough problems.

  18. #493
    Isle of discombobulation Joe 90's Avatar
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    Good points Norts!

    It's amazing what levels of stress, upheaval and turmoil one can get accustomed to.

    If I had my time again I would have cut all ties several years ago instead of the situation getting worse and putting up with it all for the sake of the kids family unit.

    On a positive note your wife is under medical supervision and medication, but will that be enough?

    Bearing in mind the bearer of bad news always gets shot.
    Shalom

  19. #494
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    Quote Originally Posted by Loy Toy View Post
    I would speak to her doctors for their advice before cutting her off from her kids though
    As would I with the focus on their opinion of the long term emotional damage the kids will recieve. After recieving their "professional" opinion, would still do what I thought best.

  20. #495
    Isle of discombobulation Joe 90's Avatar
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    Something else that has been bothering me is that your wife has a phone in the psychiatric hospital, this may not be helping her and it certainly is not helping your kids to be in communication with her in her current mental state.
    Imhe a one way ticket back home might be your answer , harsh but tough love.

  21. #496
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    Some good points raised here a mate suggested to me just turn your phone of for a few days. But how can i do that? What if she or anybody else desperately needs to get in touch, and as far as sending her "home" that idea nearly came to fruition a few nights ago when i was going to send her there with aone, the auntie begged me not to as she knew phanh ( her mum) wouldnt have the strength needed to make sure she medicates and would likely lean more towards the temple for therapy the auntie said that if i was adament to send her home then she would take her . Sending her to lao would of helped ME but would be disastrous for her , if shes better by december we will all go. If not we wont. Throughout all this she hasnt once said to me , send me to lao
    Last edited by BLD; 25-10-2022 at 07:37 AM.

  22. #497
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    Mate turning your phone off isn’t a crime.
    You may reach the point where it’s necessary for self-preservation.
    She has people to look after her in Graylands and they can’t just show her the door if there’s nobody to care for her.
    This a marathon, not a sprint, and you’re of no use to her if you fall apart because you’ve tried too hard to do too much.

    priorities -
    1) you
    2) kids
    3) wife
    Last edited by docmartin; 25-10-2022 at 08:01 AM.

  23. #498
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    You may wish to read the following link from an English woman with a very similar sounding case to yours.

    She was subsequently diagnosed with premature menopause ...

    Taunton woman shares menopause story to help others - BBC News

    Good luck to you and your family BLD and hoping your situation improves soon ...

  24. #499
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    ^ A mate told me he’d be divorced if his wife hadn’t gone the HRT route (and she’s a family court lawyer so that would’ve gone well for him. Not).
    Another mate’s wife said ‘The yam progesterone hippy dippy stuff worked for 18 months and then it didn’t so then it was conventional HRT therapy - if I hadn’t done that I woulda killed him’.
    Ain’t menopause grand ?

  25. #500
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    In some women, menopause does affect them greatly.

    In my university, there was a secretary in our department. We called her "Auntie A". I was in greeting/ joking terms with her since her son was my batchmate. A few years after graduation, I visited the department office. Auntie A wasn't there. According to the staff there, menopause hit her and she became cuckoo/ unstable and unfit to work. I was saddened by the news, since she was like a 2nd mom during my uni days and she was a very jolly person prior to menopause. AFAIK she never went back to work at the office.

    I remember when my mom was undergoing menopause, my dad told us to be patient & understanding of our mom. I was still a kid then (she had me a bit later in life) and I didn't understand what she was going through at the time.

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