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  1. #26
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    URGENT!!

    A software update patch has been issued to prevent a hacker from remotely gaining access to active devices and uploading a virtual STD.

    Men who have been affected report being able to multi-task and find it disorientating.

    -----

    Would it class as infidelity for those in a relationship if you can upload the picture of your choice and have it attached on screen to the body of your choice.

    PC widow's ? PC mistress....

    At least men don't have to get upset when the missus has a headache...
    Last edited by whosyadaddy; 14-01-2009 at 07:42 PM.

  2. #27
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    Of course one would not waste money on some new technology unless one was able to 'utilise' it,,, which excludes old todgers like Blackgang.

    Gun-collecting is a nice hobby to compensate.

  3. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny Longprong View Post



    The faux-flesh wall is slotted to allow the insertion of a body part of a man's choosing.


    Virtual sex is coming soon
    Like an elbow, finger or toe? What stupid wording.

  4. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrB0b
    Could open up a whole new era in virus writing. Imagine your todger being held hostage inside that thing until you transferred the contents of your bank account to a gang of Russian hackers? Hmm, time to brush up on my coding skills........
    Not much difference from being married then.

  5. #30
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    sounds like the Orgasmatron.

  6. #31
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  7. #32
    Thailand Expat lom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrB0b
    Hmm, time to brush up on my coding skills....
    I recommend "Snobol for dummies"

  8. #33
    Thailand Expat Texpat's Avatar
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    Few years ago I went to the Hustler main office building on Wilshire Blvd (mighta been Hollywood Blvd) in LA. They had more shit in there than I ever imagined existed.

    The lifesize, programmable gel dolls, like in post #22 above, are very expensive.
    I was tempted to sell my car.

  9. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by lom View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by DrB0b
    Hmm, time to brush up on my coding skills....
    I recommend "Snobol for dummies"
    I already know snobol (my PhD is ancient, it was about developing a medical imaging system in Smalltalk with excursions to Snobol and Fortran ), I prefer INTERCAL.

    The full name of the compiler is "Compiler Language With No Pronounceable Acronym", which is, for obvious reasons, abbreviated "INTERCAL".
    This is "hello, world" in INTERCAL;

    DO ,1 <- #13
    PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #1 <- #234
    DO ,1 SUB #2 <- #112
    DO ,1 SUB #3 <- #112
    DO ,1 SUB #4 <- #0
    DO ,1 SUB #5 <- #64
    DO ,1 SUB #6 <- #194
    DO ,1 SUB #7 <- #48
    PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #8 <- #22
    DO ,1 SUB #9 <- #248
    DO ,1 SUB #10 <- #168
    DO ,1 SUB #11 <- #24
    DO ,1 SUB #12 <- #16
    DO ,1 SUB #13 <- #214
    PLEASE READ OUT ,1
    PLEASE GIVE UP

    How cool is that?

    It is a well-known and oft-demonstrated fact that a person whose work is incomprehensible is held in high esteem. For example, if one were to state that the simplest way to store a value of 65536 in a 32-bit INTERCAL variable is:
    DO :1 <- #0#256
    Any sensible programmer would say that that was absurd. Since this is indeed the simplest method, the programmer would be made to look foolish in front of his boss, who would of course have happened to turn up, as bosses are wont to do. The effect would be no less devastating for the programmer having been correct.
    INTERCAL has many other features designed to make it even more aesthetically unpleasing to the programmer: it uses statements such as "READ OUT", "IGNORE", "FORGET", and modifiers such as "PLEASE". This last keyword provides two reasons for the program's rejection by the compiler: if "PLEASE" does not appear often enough, the program is considered insufficiently polite, and the error message says this; if too often, the program could be rejected as excessively polite. Although this feature existed in the original INTERCAL compiler, it was undocumented.
    INTERCAL-72 (the original version of INTERCAL) had only four data types, the 16-bit integer (represented with a ., called a 'spot'), the 32-bit integer (:, a 'twospot'), the array of 16-bit integers (,, a 'tail'), and the array of 32-bit integers (;, a 'hybrid'). There are 65535 available variables of each type, numbered from .1 to .65535 for 16-bit integers, for instance. However, each of these variables has its own stack on which it can be pushed and popped (STASHed and RETRIEVEd, in INTERCAL terminology), increasing the possible complexity of data structures.[2] (More modern versions of INTERCAL have by and large kept the same data structures, with appropriate modifications; TriINTERCAL, which modifies the radix with which numbers are represented, can use a 10-trit type rather than a 16-bit type,[5] and CLC-INTERCAL implements many of its own data structures, such as 'classes and lectures', by making the basic data types store more information rather than adding new types.[4]) Arrays are dimensioned by assigning to them as if they were a scalar variable. Constants can also be used, and are represented by a # ('mesh') followed by the constant itself, written as a decimal number; only integer constants from 0 to 65535 are supported.[2]
    Perhaps you'd prefer Unlambda?

    This program calculates and prints Fibonacci numbers, it also sounds like drunk Klingon - another plus in my book;

    ```s``s``sii`ki
    `k.*``s``s`ks
    ``s`k`s`ks``s``s`ks``s`k`s`kr``s`k`sikk
    `k``s`ksk

    The number one principle of the Unlambda language is that everything is a function: this is true in the sense that Unlambda is a profile of the pure untyped lambda calculus. (Well, to be honest, the d builtin isn't precisely a function, but we will consider it as such anyway.)

    Despite Unlambda being a form of the lambda calculus, it does not have a lambda (abstraction) operation. Rather, this operation must be replaced by the use of the S, K and I combinators — this can be done mechanically using abstraction elimination. Because there is no abstraction, functions are not named in Unlambda (except the builtin ones): there are no variables or such thing. This doesn't mean you can't build up your own functions. Nor does the fact that there are only functions in Unlambda prevent you from coming up with data structures and the like, but you just have to represent them with ad hoc functions. In fact, you can so well build your own structures and such that Unlambda is (and, to work, must be) garbage-collected like any decent high-level language.

    So, everything is a function. To start with, you have the builtin functions (i, k, s and the like), and you can do one thing: apply a function F to a function G, the result being denoted `FG. It is from this basic idea that Unlambda is built.
    Last edited by DrB0b; 14-01-2009 at 10:28 PM.
    The Above Post May Contain Strong Language, Flashing Lights, or Violent Scenes.

  10. #35
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  11. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrB0b
    Perhaps you'd prefer Unlambda? This program calculates and prints Fibonacci numbers, it also sounds like drunk Klingon - another plus in my book; ```s``s``sii`ki `k.*``s``s`ks ``s`k`s`ks``s``s`ks``s`k`s`kr``s`k`sikk `k``s`ksk
    Real men only program in binary.

  12. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbil View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by DrB0b
    Perhaps you'd prefer Unlambda? This program calculates and prints Fibonacci numbers, it also sounds like drunk Klingon - another plus in my book; ```s``s``sii`ki `k.*``s``s`ks ``s`k`s`ks``s``s`ks``s`k`s`kr``s`k`sikk `k``s`ksk
    Real men only program in binary.
    01100111 01101111 00100000 01110011 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101100 01100001 01100100 01111001 01100010 01101111 01111001 01110011 00100000 01100011 01101111 01100011 01101011 00101100 00100000 01111001 01100001 00100000 01100011 01110101 01101110 01110100

    Bottle of JW Black to the first one of ya that decodes that and posts the results

  13. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrB0b View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbil View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by DrB0b
    Perhaps you'd prefer Unlambda? This program calculates and prints Fibonacci numbers, it also sounds like drunk Klingon - another plus in my book; ```s``s``sii`ki `k.*``s``s`ks ``s`k`s`ks``s``s`ks``s`k`s`kr``s`k`sikk `k``s`ksk
    Real men only program in binary.


    01100111 01101111 00100000 01110011 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101100 01100001 01100100 01111001 01100010 01101111 01111001 01110011 00100000 01100011 01101111 01100011 01101011 00101100 00100000 01111001 01100001 00100000 01100011 01110101 01101110 01110100

    Bottle of JW Black to the first one of ya that decodes that and posts the results

    go suck a ladyboys cock, ya cnut
    You, sir, are a God among men....
    Short Men, who aren't terribly bright....
    More like dwarves with learning disabilities....
    You are a God among Dwarves With Learning Disabilities.

  14. #39
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    Too bad Eliminator, your insult to me because I had the audacity to post on your thread, is unable to be accessed by me.

    You can try again or not be such a fucking big sook!!

  15. #40
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    Don't encourage him to post more gutter drivel.

  16. #41
    Thailand Expat lom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrB0b
    Perhaps you'd prefer Unlambda?
    That's more my taste, INTERCAL is a bit too verbose to suit me.
    Actually, I like languages with less strict definitions and C plusminus is my current favourite.

    C+- (pronounced "see more or less")

    Unlike C++, C+- is a subject oriented language. Each C+- class instance,
    known as a subject, holds hidden members, known as prejudices or
    undeclared preferences, which are impervious to outside messages, as well
    as public members known as boasts or claims. The following C operators
    are overridden as shown:

    > better than
    < worse than
    >> much better than
    << forget it
    ! not on your life
    == comparable, other things being equal

    C+- is a strongly typed language based on stereotyping and self-righteous
    logic. The Boolean variables TRUE and FALSE (known as constants in less
    realistic languages) are supplemented with CREDIBLE and DUBIOUS, which
    are fuzzier than Zadeh's traditional fuzzy categories. All Booleans can
    be declared with the modifiers strong and weak. Weak implication is said
    to "preserve deniability" and was added at the request of the D.O.D. to
    ensure compatability with future versions of Ada. Well-formed falsehoods
    (WFFs) are assignment-compatible with all booleans. What-if and why-not
    interactions are aided by the special conditional evenifnot X then Y.

    C+- supports information hiding and, among friend classes only, rumor
    sharing. Borrowing from the Eiffel lexicon, non-friend classes can be
    killed by arranging contracts. Note that friendships are intransitive,
    volatile, and non-Abelian.

    Single and multiple inheritance mechanisms are implemented with random
    mutations. Disinheritance rules are covered by a complex probate
    protocol. In addition to base, derived, virtual, and abstract classes,
    C+- supports gut classes.

    Operator precedence rules can be suspended with the directive #pragma
    dwim, known as the "Do what I mean" pragma. ANSIfication will be firmly
    resisted. C+-'s slogan is "Be Your Own Standard."


    A program example:

    //pre-condition: Subjectively defined.
    //post-condition: if err_code is actually checked and
    AlertUserOfError is actually called we
    still don't know what happens....

    {
    int err_code;
    err_code = GetErrorCodeIfMoodIsRight();
    what-if (err_code << CThrowUpOnHowBadThisErrorIs)
    {
    bool answ = why-not AlertUserOfError();
    if (answ == DUBIOUS)
    {
    cout << "This software probably didn't do something. Who can tell?";
    }
    else if (answ == CREDIBLE)
    {
    cout << "We strongly believe that something did happen. The real question is: What did it do?";
    }
    even-if-not (err_code > CVeryOk)
    {
    cout << "Abnormal program termination";
    }
    }
    May the bridges I burn light my way

    There is no plan for no deal because we're going to get a great deal - Boris Johnson in HoC 11 July 2017

  17. #42
    Thailand Expat lom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbil
    go suck a ladyboys cock, ya cnut
    That's as good as you can make it in TD post. Congrats!

  18. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by lom View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbil
    go suck a ladyboys cock, ya cnut
    That's as good as you can make it in TD post. Congrats!
    Thanks. Got a red from Lily who's obviously too much of a moron to realise it was the answer.

    so, just for her:
    01000111 01101111 00100000 01110011 01100011 01110010 01100101
    01110111 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011
    01100101 01101100 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101
    00100000 01110011 01101001 01101100 01101100 01111001 00100000
    01110100 01110111 01100001 01110100


  19. #44
    Cenosillicaphobiac
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    59 6f 75 20 63 6f 64 65 20 6d 6f 6e 6b 65 79 73 20 61 72 65 6e 27 74 20 72 65 61 6c 6c 79 20 76 65 72 79 20 6e 69 63 65 20 70 65 6f 70 6c 65 2c 20 61 72 65 20 79 6f 75 3f

  20. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily View Post
    How sad is that?

    Not for women, mind you!
    Sad indeed. These ideals derive from a growing lifeless and disconnected West.

  21. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Lily View Post
    How sad is that?

    Not for women, mind you!
    Sad indeed. These ideals derive from a growing lifeless and disconnected West.

    Yes, very sad RS. Asians would never think of this kind of sh[at][at]t.

  22. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by spiff View Post
    Of course one would not waste money on some new technology unless one was able to 'utilise' it,,, which excludes old todgers like Blackgang.

    Gun-collecting is a nice hobby to compensate.
    That would be gun collecting and learning a new language.

  23. #48
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrB0b
    01100111 01101111 00100000 01110011 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101100 01100001 01100100 01111001 01100010 01101111 01111001 01110011 00100000 01100011 01101111 01100011 01101011 00101100 00100000 01111001 01100001 00100000 01100011 01110101 01101110 01110100
    01100010011101010111010001110100011001010111001001 10011001101100011110010010000001101000011000010111 00110010000001100100011010010110001001110011001000 00011011110110111000100000011101000110100001101001 01110011001000000111000001100001011100110111010001 1010010110110101100101

  24. #49
    Thailand Expat Texpat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin View Post
    These ideals derive from a growing lifeless and disconnected West.
    You're an obsessive little man, aren't ya? Oh, but eccentric contrariety is always given a pass. Don't think so, freak.

    Most of this stuff is designed in Japan where the tops shelf shit is, you'll love this, blue-eyed big-tittied bombshells that can slap the little wimps around. And it's made in China.
    Last edited by Texpat; 15-01-2009 at 11:06 AM.

  25. #50
    Pedantic bastard
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    01000011011011000110000101110011011100110111100100 10000001110011011101000111010101100110011001100010 00000110100001100101011100100110010100100000011001 1101110101011110010111001100101110

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