Thread: If you had to guess, where will you go after you die?

Chance Are, You and Your Family Will Wind Up in Hell!

Sermon by Brother Harry Hardwick

One of Landover's platinum tithers recently expressed a concern I've heard frequently of late: "Brother Harry, given all the people who say they've accepted Christ, will Heaven be overcrowded?" The answer, friends, is absolutely not. Granted, we have no idea how large Heaven actually is, but it doesn't matter, because there will be far fewer people in Heaven than you might think. In fact, the vast majority of people you know will roast in Hell instead. We know the first plunged into the smelly, hot bowels of Satan's abode will be the members of the liberal cult. A cult is a group of individuals who share a common, outlandish belief they are not willing to subject to rational discourse. I am, of course, referring to those sacrilegious, blasphemous liberals who think the Bible is a tiny pamphlet containing nothing more than the verse, John 3:16. The liberal cultists say what you do wrong doesn't make one iota of difference – as long as you say, "I accept Jesus," you're going to Heaven. Can you believe that? According to this cult, once you say, "I accept Jesus," you can murder, rape, rob, plunger, pillage, blow up churches and molest babies, and you're still going to Heaven as though nothing happened, just 'cause you uttered the magic words. Needless to say, the liberal cultists won't debate you on this, because they know it makes no sense, hence making them cultists. But they have to hold this belief, because they know it's the only hope they have to go to Heaven despite their depraved, decadent, deviant, debauched, degenerate lifestyles.
True Christians know that the Bible, Old and New Testaments combined, promises Hell for countless sinners. And when you review the Bible in context, just about everyone is going to Hell. Through the apostle, Paul, Jesus told us the majority of so-called Christians cannot enter Heaven because of their sins (and if you don't go to Heaven, the only place left is Hell). "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)." I don't know where the liberal cultists get off suggesting otherwise. I haven't read any verse saying John trumps Paul. Just because John's verse appears on more banners at college football games doesn't make it preeminent. And under the long accepted legal doctrine that the specific controls over the general, Paul's pronouncement that these particular people are going to Hell is clearly an exception to the general rule vaguely enunciated by John.
When you consider Paul's words with the rest of the Bible, rest assured, there'll be plenty of room for driving ranges in Heaven. Studies show the majority of people have had premarital sex. They're condemned as fornicators. All those other than Christians are going to Hell as idolaters (and that includes the Catholics who worship that harlot, Mary, and the so-called "saints"). Studies show most people get drunk at times, so they're out. And, of course, the sodomites are out (but we knew that anyway, without Paul's words).
But the Hell-bound group is even larger. Of the few people remaining, most of them will go to Hell as adulterers. Matthew told us that anyone who lusts after (has sexual thoughts about) someone to whom he is not married is an adulterer (Matthew 5:28). Matthew also told us that anyone who divorces, then remarries is committing adultery (as is the person the individual marries)(Matthew 5:32). The majority of those who get married wind up divorcing and remarrying at a later date. And the vast majority of people have sexual thoughts about people other than their mates. We're now down to very few people, indeed.
But even if you think you're somehow in the clear, guess again. Not only are individuals who marry a second time condemned, but so are their children, their grandchildren, their great grandchildren, etc. Because their second marriage is a nullity, any children of that marriage are illegitimate and are thus condemned to the 10th generation (Deuteronomy 23:2). In other words, not only must you make sure you do not engage in any of the sins Paul said would ensure eternity aflame, you must hope none of your distant ancestors ever divorced and conceived one of your great, great, great grandparents out-of-wedlock or during the second (and unrecognized) marriage.
You see, friends, Heaven is going to be a very select place, indeed -- more exclusive than even the best of country clubs. Now, I know some of you may find these condemnations a bit disheartening, but you really shouldn't. After all, God told us centuries ago that children would be slaughtered for the sins of their parents (Isaiah 14:21-22). Plus, these condemned people will be joined in Hell by individuals who did nothing wrong in their lives because they had no lives. God said not only that we are all born in sin, but that we are conceived in sin as well (Genesis 5:3; Job 15:14; 25:4; Psalms 51:5). In light of that sin, we have no hope of reaching Heaven unless and until we accept Jesus. Unfortunately, many never have that opportunity. I am, of course, speaking of all the unborn children who die in the womb or during delivery, the SIDS children, all the children who die before they reach the age at which they can understand Jesus, the mentally retarded who don't have the capacity to know Jesus, and all those third world residents the missionaries never reached with the good news of our Lord. What a shame that all of these individuals must spend forever in flames. Let us pray that Satan takes it easy on them in the hereafter. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

Valhalla where I will be-all day, and-and-all night.

If you had to guess, where will you go after you die?

A morgue then a crematorium. Unless I am lost at sea or die in a fiery plane crash or something.I am sure as shiat that I'm not going to any of those unicorn-fart and rainbow places that religious like to blather on about in their marketing material.

I've been around the sun 42.5 times and I have never seen one shred of anything that would convince me to believe in a god(s). Quite the opposite actually.