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don't know if I've mentioned it already, but 1Q 84 by Murakami is ace

#don't know if it's been mentioned, but the Contortionists Handbook is worth dabble

I had a problem with dishwasher, it started making a whining noise, then it stopped working, so I made her move back to her mums house.

currently ploughing through The Naked Lunch, William Buroughs.
Just finished Nice Mr Nasty by Joseph King, easy enough truish tale of a drug smuggler, and also This thing of Darkness by Harry...

I've just painted myself head to toe in creosote, it's not often I treat myself

Just been for a prostate check, as I bent over I asked the doctor "Where should I put my trousers"
"Over there next to mine," isn't the answer I was hoping for

You're the only guy I know, went for a prostate check and asked for second opinion

better late than never

Two dead, five injured in Samui pub shoot out - Samui Times

That article says a copper's gone crackers and shot into a crowd of other copperson a night out in Chaweng.

Whats the world coming...

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day and I could hear the patients shouting

13..13..13..13..13

I wondered what the fuck was going on, the fence was too high to look over but I...

I met this American bird and asked her what her name was

She said "Chantelle"

Suit yourself love, I only asked

A mate of mine wrote a book called "The Aeroplane with no wings", do you think it'll take off ?

if we're talking Ballard, Concrete Island is worth a dabble

I used to be into sadism, bestiality and necrophilia, but I quit because I was flogging a dead horse.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat ?

The wheelchair.

There was a Scottish bloke on the bus this morning, sat there listening to his Och Aye Pod

Scientists have been experimenting with injecting embryo's with Marmite.

A woman gave birth to twiglets

stolen from the late great Ronnie Corbett,

"We'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed a Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame."

the Wigan Blackpool one tomorrow is us champions and them down up for grabs

I went to the doctors for my offshore medical yesterday, and I told him I may not pass my hearing test because of years of navy gunfire.
"Can you describe the symptoms?" said the doc,
"Well,...

top of the league with 2 games to go

A Sesna light aircraft crashed on a cemetry just south of Dublin the other night.

Rescue workers have already recovered the bodies of 6453 passengers

Today we comemorate the man from Yorkhire who revolutionised road safety by inventing the Cats Eye.

If the cat had been facing the other way he'd have invented the pencil sharpner

Some good came of it then

nineteen games unbeaten

Africa there's fucking millions of them.

The NYPD have said they'll never forget 9/11, you'd hope so as well with it being their phone number :sorry1:

A quick English joke here.

What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Philip ?

Killed in a tunnel

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your underpants ?


Your grandma, when she's pegging them to the washing line

Brilliant !

What's brown and sounds like a bell ?

Dung !

I've just passed my cheerleading exam, I went into the classrom and shouted "Give me an A" and they did

My grandma was telling me that my grandpa would always leave his door open, that's why the submarine sunk

What job do you do ?

I've just had an amble through Wind/Pinball by Haruki Murakami, not one of his epics but still enjoyable.

Norwich Liverpool was a game and a half, even for neutrals

Cheeky home win against Gillingham last night with a last minute goal sealing it, don't want to antagonize my from Bolton though so keeping quiet about it

I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".

Well it's saTURDay and the Latics are at sCUNThorpe, no ticket but I've got the itch, might see if a pay gate is available.

I'd been on the edge of my seat all week for 'tics v Sheff Utd, called off due to flooded pitch

last time I was in Fortune there wasn't much there, anyone know about Pantip Bangkapi, its software I'm after ?

I've not been in BKK for 18 months or so but I've been told that Panthip Plaza has become a hotel, have I been mislead ? If not is there a replacement ?

Thanks in advance

Any spare ?

in he news the other day a bloke died of a coronary incident at the curry house, they said he had a dodgy tikka

I wouldn't mind the parachute payment i they get relegated

and now its 3 :(, top of the table clash hard one to call

the 'tics are 2:0 up with only injury time left, when I go they loose when I sit at home they win

the beautiful Latics are at Barnsley today, see wht that delight throws up

you can if you want

Mourhino is no longer a premiership manager

I'm reading a book about anti gravity, it's impossible to put down