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Type: Posts; User: Wally Dorian Raffles

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    19 pages with only a handful of posts from...

    19 pages with only a handful of posts from myself, though.

    i do read the advice and try to take it in. you are lucky if you dont understand my state of mind. when you are in such darkness you just...
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    Would love to - but not possible in my tiny tokyo...

    Would love to - but not possible in my tiny tokyo flat.
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    hi everyone, thanks again for the support and...

    hi everyone, thanks again for the support and advice. wish i could say things have changed ...... i am trying. i went to a local church yesterday . i am not religious, but i prayed. i also...
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    yes, there is. i am grateful. but only i know my...

    yes, there is. i am grateful. but only i know my situation - although i have tried to explain it. the things most of you would take for granted are non-existent for me - or very difficult.

    at 53 i...
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    for most of my life. the dark side of me was...

    for most of my life. the dark side of me was always there but i pushed it to the back of my mind and got on with it. if you knew anything about trauma, you would understand this is common, but given...
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    Hi everyone, Thank again for all of the support...

    Hi everyone,
    Thank again for all of the support and advice.

    Not much has changed here. Understanding I have been so far dissociated from reality for 20 years is hard to accept. You could even...
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    l really appreciate all of the comments and...

    l really appreciate all of the comments and support.

    l know it is not the best place to post this. believe me, i have tried the avenues people have suggested. i am getting professional help. it is...
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    cheers again for all of the advice. i really...

    cheers again for all of the advice. i really appreciate it and have been trying to take it in.

    i have been dealing with depression for 17 years now. but i have always had a glimmer of hope. not...
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    tokyo is where i have spent most of my adult...

    tokyo is where i have spent most of my adult life. it has felt like home for a long time, but i just came back to my old neighborhood and the people i once knew are gone. i am very lonely. i spent 3...
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    thanks again for all of the messages and pms. i...

    thanks again for all of the messages and pms. i have been getting help and have called the numbers posted many times. there is only so much these people are allowed to say on the phone for legal...
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    ^ thank you so much for your kind words...

    ^ thank you so much for your kind words knowsitlike. Yes - l have been told many times by professionals that most people with similar upbringings end up dead, in prison or on heroin, etc. I have...
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    Had a very troubled life too - but very positive...

    Had a very troubled life too - but very positive on the outside. He was prostituting himself to men when he was about 12 ( i found out years later). Drug abuse for many years. Covered in tattoos -...
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    I have REALLY tried. I tell them l forgive them....

    I have REALLY tried. I tell them l forgive them. But sometimes l feel really angry at them still. I just stay away from them for the most part.
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    No, did not mention my woes at volunteer place -...

    No, did not mention my woes at volunteer place - l did find it hard to be happy and jovial though, which l suppose is the kind of person they prefer.

    I was on antidepressants for quite a few years...
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    Yes. They are still around. Still getting pissed...

    Yes. They are still around. Still getting pissed every day. Still ignorant as fuck. Have not seen them much over the past 25 years though.
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    Thanks. That is why i went to the volunteer...

    Thanks. That is why i went to the volunteer center last weekend. i threw away my previous businesses. i have taken a low paid teaching job just to get basck to my old neighborhood. now i am here i...
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    Thank you. It's been 20 fucking years already. 20...

    Thank you. It's been 20 fucking years already. 20 years severely dissociated from reality. Now l have clarity - but just more bad memories. l went to a volunteer last week actually. l googled and...
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    ^^ i have distracted myself for years with...

    ^^ i have distracted myself for years with "plans". at the end of the day reality has finally hit. just feel its all too late. feel i am too fucked up. useless. nowhere else to run to. all over, red...
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    ^ Thanks Nev. Much appreciated. It's hard making...

    ^ Thanks Nev. Much appreciated. It's hard making plans with such deep depression. I only have one plan right now ... it's all I think about . Scares the shit out of me.
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    ^^ thanks LD. You have been really nice to me...

    ^^ thanks LD. You have been really nice to me here - good advice and nice pms.

    The guy was a fucking psycho. I never believed such people existed. I did not know many foreigners back then. He went...
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    Yes, it happens often. I don't know why nobody...

    Yes, it happens often. I don't know why nobody has bothered to fix it. It's annoying, I know ...

    Thank you so much for your wonderful thread. Just wonderful!!
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    Ok. Yes - you have given good advice too. Been...

    Ok. Yes - you have given good advice too. Been supportive. I just don't get the nasty comments - not just from you.

    I don't for a minute think I have any chance to get back with her. I have told...
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    ^ nasty fucker KW. seriously. i met you many...

    ^ nasty fucker KW. seriously. i met you many years ago. kick me when i am down. well done. go fuck yourself.
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    Get fucked you cnut

    Get fucked you cnut
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    I expected to get flamed here but there has also...

    I expected to get flamed here but there has also been plenty of sound advice. Yeah - I am unwell. Some of that is from drug abuse but l only did heavy stuff for 3 years - apparently not really enough...
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    I have been beating myself up for years. My...

    I have been beating myself up for years. My shrink insists my actions are very common for childhood abuse victims. I am accepting that . It ain't easy but I it's all I can do.
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    look - l know it's wrong to meet her. I have been...

    look - l know it's wrong to meet her. I have been really wrestling with the idea of it all. l would surely be pissed if l was married to her and she met a former boyfriend/fiance'.

    Yes - most...
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    ^ harsh, but fair enough. I understand where you...

    ^ harsh, but fair enough. I understand where you are coming from.

    I have been debating the whole situation with myself. When I called her a couple of months ago for the first time in many years, l...
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    ^ I'm not ashamed of my sensitive side, cyrille....

    ^ I'm not ashamed of my sensitive side, cyrille. Or my creative side. Flame away. It doesn't bother me.
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    Ha! I would never do that, but I have wondered...

    Ha! I would never do that, but I have wondered about him dying in an accident - which is not a nice thing to think, i know. She even said that the big earthquake is coming and you never know! ..
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    Thanks for all of the advice. I quit benzos...

    Thanks for all of the advice.

    I quit benzos about 3 years ago. It was tough. I went back to Australia, and was taking 4 pills a day prescibed by my japanese doc. the pills were not available in...
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    TC - I used to be a very popular guy. lots of...

    TC - I used to be a very popular guy. lots of friends. but not anymore. i guess i came here because i used to have some friends here ... most are gone. i remember you as being one of the nice people...
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    Actually, she instigated the meeting. I called...

    Actually, she instigated the meeting. I called her and told her l still loved her and to say goodbye. i never expected to see her or call her again. i told her this, but she said that she wanted to...
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    it's in the first paragraph mate. yeah - i had a...

    it's in the first paragraph mate. yeah - i had a good life there on the surface ...
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    i know it's fucking sad and l fully expected to...

    i know it's fucking sad and l fully expected to get flamed. guess it is just a sign of how lonely and desperate i have become. i really dont think i will get through this one...
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    year 2003 i found out she was pregnant and gone...

    year 2003 i found out she was pregnant and gone forever. i had a silver jewelry store in tokyo and taught in high schools. i packed up my things and went back to Oz to live for first time in almost...
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    [QUOTE=raycarey;4119446]....i can only hope the...

    [QUOTE=raycarey;4119446]....i can only hope the OP is a trolling attempt.

    You should know me better than that RC.
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    My shrink actually tells me the same thing. Yes -...

    My shrink actually tells me the same thing. Yes - it is a sad existence. But this is my reality right now. I have had a few short relationships since we broke up, but I have felt very uncomfortable...
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    ^ thanks katie. glad to hear things have worked...

    ^ thanks katie. glad to hear things have worked out for you. yes - i went down that slippery slope. she did not drink or smoke. i drank very rarely - only on social occasions and always knew when to...
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    Noted. Edited. ......

    Noted. Edited. ... https://teakdoor.com/images/imported/2020/06/24.gifL
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    I broke her heart. She went on antidepressants,...

    I broke her heart. She went on antidepressants, albeit for a short time. She named her son the name that l picked for our own son (that never was). She went to the destination with her husband that l...
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    Thanks for the advice. I ride my bicycle to...

    Thanks for the advice.

    I ride my bicycle to work and back. It's getting hot here now, so plenty of "sweating it out".

    I have tried all kinds of things over the years. Stopped drinking several...
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    Yep. You know what I am talking about. I became...

    Yep. You know what I am talking about. I became sick too - but I used a lot of drugs instead of getting her back. The cnut who hounded me day and night to break up with her brought 1000s of xanax and...
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    ^ yeah, I am a sad case. I know. You have not...

    ^ yeah, I am a sad case. I know. You have not experienced it I must conclude though KW. Not one argument in 6 years together. Telling each other we love each other 10 times a day - more. We were true...
  45. My little brother and I were sexually assaulted...

    My little brother and I were sexually assaulted when I was 10, and he 8. We have both lived very troubled and turbulent lives. This shit is real.
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    True Love: Have you ever had it?

    I have.

    But through stupidity I let her go.

    Once you have it, nothing else can satisfy.

    I never got over her. I am quite sure I never will.

    It has been 20 years. I think of her just like...
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    bastards! :)

    bastards! :)
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    c'mon guys - dont make me sieve through the...

    c'mon guys - dont make me sieve through the threads in media. just tell me your favourite shows, especially comedy .... pleeeeaaaaase ... :sexy:
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    oh bladdy hell, why dont you just tell me which...

    oh bladdy hell, why dont you just tell me which shows you like ...
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    they are closed. so are the record shops.

    they are closed. so are the record shops.
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