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  1. Thread: Quick Jokes

    by Happyman
    Replies
    4,964
    Views
    546,399

    Sticky: AIDS - had it many times - clears up after a good...

    AIDS - had it many times - clears up after a good nights sleep - Alcohol Induced Dizzy Spells !

    --------

    Little boy wandering around a shopping mall
    Security man asks if he is lost
    Little boy...
  2. ^ I was based in Mwanza / Shingyanga - Tanzania...

    ^
    I was based in Mwanza / Shingyanga - Tanzania for a while.
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    Thanks! Saw one in Taman Negara national park...

    Thanks!

    Saw one in Taman Negara national park in Malaysia about 15 years ago - thought it was a small leopard - now I know better !
  4. This sort of molesting little kids to make them...

    This sort of molesting little kids to make them sleep is a common and accepted practice in East Africa as well !
  5. Thread: Quick Jokes

    by Happyman
    Replies
    4,964
    Views
    546,399

    Sticky: Do like this one :rofl: Green on its way :UK:

    Do like this one :rofl:

    Green on its way :UK:
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    Please define "pulled off" as it could lead to a...

    Please define "pulled off" as it could lead to a lot of confusion amongst the thread posters who are still a bit ignorant of the ways in the real world

    :)
  7. Well said except need a pic of the engine driver...

    Well said except need a pic of the engine driver - most steam loco drivers are from the Indian sub -continent 'cos they still run em !!
  8. ^^ Looking at your AV it would appear you are...

    ^^

    Looking at your AV it would appear you are asking for it !!!

    :smileylaughing:
  9. Had the same problem Seems that the rubber they...

    Had the same problem
    Seems that the rubber they use for small bike inner tubes here ( and in Malaysia) is the cheapest shit they can get and there is a lot of residual mould release agent and...
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    Did a 3 week contract on the Alaska pipeline at...

    Did a 3 week contract on the Alaska pipeline at about -40 including wind chill factor - went straight from there to Juba ,two days later, in the Sudan at about +35 !!!

    :)
  11. At last someone has the balls to sort them out ....

    At last someone has the balls to sort them out . Well done !!
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    When I wasn't using my Ford Thames 10cwt van...

    When I wasn't using my Ford Thames 10cwt van taking my racing motor bike /sidecar around the circuits in UK I used to take the Bonzo Dog lot to their gigs !.
    Always ended up at his place in...
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    Can get-but you feel a right prat drinking red...

    Can get-but you feel a right prat drinking red wine from a long glass through a straw - with a bottle of Ribena and a jug of water on the table !!

    :rofl:
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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INu3UQ35yVk

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INu3UQ35yVk
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    OK ! Got this one sorted for you Get a wire...

    OK ! Got this one sorted for you
    Get a wire coat hanger and stick in the top of an empty shampoo bottle
    Concentrate all your psychic powers and pass the thing in front of the screen
    If the bit...
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    and now it is ...

    and now it is

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdBoSu56_3Q
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    522,464

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHgH6IhOwq8&feature...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHgH6IhOwq8&feature=related
  18. Valid point - thanks ! :mid:

    Valid point - thanks !

    :mid:
  19. Bloody hell ! worked for them as international...

    Bloody hell !
    worked for them as international service manager for 16 years - they know I am in Thailand (cos they pay me a pension here)- and the buggers didn't tell me !!

    :rolleyes:
  20. Forgive me for being a trifle cynical but to get...

    Forgive me for being a trifle cynical but to get a medal as defense chief you must actually and physically defend your country - not be given one from a foreign country!:rolleyes:
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    Had a neighbour who used a neat method Get a...

    Had a neighbour who used a neat method
    Get a cardboard box and cut a chicken head sized hole in the side
    Drop the box over the selected victim
    It will automatically stick its head through the...
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    Poll: Personally I think every country should make and...

    Personally I think every country should make and keep their own laws about guns.
    I have never owned one or wanted to but I do recall a time when I was project leader on a site in what was then North...
  23. I used to fish from the beach at Karon- not any...

    I used to fish from the beach at Karon- not any more !!
    3 years ago I was ankle deep in the water and the sand turned to liquid in seconds after a biggish wave came in - sank up to my knees in no...
  24. After riding trail bikes for about 20 years in...

    After riding trail bikes for about 20 years in the Andies and north African mountains for fun I thought I knew it all - Wrong !!
    Did # 6 on a Chinese Army dispatch riders bike and left a trail of...
  25. Buy a goat - not a sheep cos they eat grass down...

    Buy a goat - not a sheep cos they eat grass down to the roots !
    A goat can be a nice pet and fertilise the lawn as it grazes. We ha 2 in Cyprus - hot - dry and thin topsoil - water it and the goats...
  26. Naturally they all had seat belts ...

    Naturally they all had seat belts

    :smileylaughing:
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    Simple enough caption I would have thought

    January 13, 2011

    Phuket ‘lucky license plates’ to go under the hammer


    ...
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    The absolute non - news so far this year

    12 January 2011 Last updated at 09:15 GMT Help
    Hillary Clinton has fallen while boarding a flight to Oman.
    The US...
  29. Thread: Sad

    by Happyman
    Replies
    68
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    3,076

    ^ :tumbs:

    ^

    :tumbs:
  30. Thread: Sad

    by Happyman
    Replies
    68
    Views
    3,076

    Don't often feel sad - Hence my Av- get a bit...

    Don't often feel sad - Hence my Av- get a bit pissed off sometimes though - mainly when I get a heart 'flutter' - had a couple of heart attacks in the last year or so - but WTF!! As long as I wake up...
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    Exactly what I was going to say - the archaic and...

    Exactly what I was going to say - the archaic and historic thing worked OK - used it many times !

    What next ? - the Peak railway in H K perhaps ??
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    The world does worry about starvation!!...

    The world does worry about starvation!!
    Everything you buy has a graphic illustration of the situation with family photo as well

    Shit I have just realised that what I thought was a pic is...
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    I knew an old boy in Kuala Selangor ( he was...

    I knew an old boy in Kuala Selangor ( he was about 60) and he had lived/ slept in his pedal rickshaw for over 40 years !! Never had a permanent home and was perfectly happy ! - He was our company...
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    If they get to about 3 inches long - Frog spawn...

    If they get to about 3 inches long - Frog spawn is the stuff ! - smaller than that then brine or freshwater shrimp and Talapia fry seem to be the favorite in our fishing park !!
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    Bloody hell Mr Norts ! - we seem to have found...

    Bloody hell Mr Norts ! - we seem to have found the motherlode- don't tell any of the other bastards on this site and we can make a fortune !

    ( Err shit - I did that all wrong :sorry1:)
    ...
  36. Have posted on another thread about this - my...

    Have posted on another thread about this - my Taiwanese Ex- live in partner ( still very good friends)married to a Brit and now living in UK - spent about 1000 pounds getting her UK residence permit...
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    New opening for falang 'pissheads'

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/wine/8246212/Empty-wine-bottles-sell-for-300-in-China.html

    Read this and dashed out to check my trash bin - OH Joy ! Oh Happiness !

    Got 3 empty Gilbeys...
  38. :)When I was a kid living in south Devon if there...

    :)When I was a kid living in south Devon if there was a late cold snap, we used to grab our fishing rods and go the nearest bit of sea (estuaries were best) pull the caraprce(sp) top shell of the...
  39. This opens a completely new area for discussion ....

    This opens a completely new area for discussion .

    Wlikinson in UK are the leading manufacturer of swords - saw a vid interview with a Saudi exocutiner who said they were the best ( will dig out...
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    here it is ...

    here it is

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v29QfOyuZ3Y
  41. Replies
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    Yep -Monty Python - will dig out the clip and...

    Yep -Monty Python - will dig out the clip and post :)
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    Is that the same man as in the first vid ??? ...

    Is that the same man as in the first vid ???

    :confused:
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    Living off 3 pensions I am liable to pay a total...

    Living off 3 pensions I am liable to pay a total of 6.75 GBP a year
    I get a letter from all 3companies advising me of this and telling me they have deducted the amount at source
    Very nice of them...
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    In fact the collection of sea shells i Thailand...

    In fact the collection of sea shells i Thailand is illegal - BUT- the things they sell are all from Indo or PH - I know someone in the trade.

    or so he tells me :rolleyes:
  45. I'm afraid this would be a winner in...

    I'm afraid this would be a winner in Thailand:rolleyes:
  46. The 'million' after the Bt1,215 is probably a...

    The 'million' after the Bt1,215 is probably a 'typo' !
    :smileylaughing:
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    Someone should do it again with an envelope full...

    Someone should do it again with an envelope full of Ya-Ba and see if he comes up with the same excuse !! :)
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    Strange that there is no mention of cost though...

    Strange that there is no mention of cost though :rolleyes:

    Maybe they have not worked out the cost of training , spare parts and kickback yet !:rofl:

    Will certainly impress the unsettled Muslim...
  49. I'm glad the 7 dangerous days are over and things...

    I'm glad the 7 dangerous days are over and things are back to the normal predictable state.

    Motorcyclists are saving electricity by taking their back light bulbs out
    Motorists are doing the same...
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    The UK border agency are a load of non-thinking...

    The UK border agency are a load of non-thinking Wankers !

    A true example I am trying to sort out now.

    A Taiwanese lady friend ( my ex , legally married now to my mate , good friends with both...
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