I hate you

While living in the states with my daughter we have had a few hiccups. She has grown up in a Thailand with a maid and is not use to doing housework. Hence, one of the reasons for moving back for a few years to instill some responsibility.

Sunday is a clean the house day. Washing, drying and putting up clothes along with tidying up our rooms. The big stink involves cleaning the bathroom, my daughter says that it is disgusting. Today, to add to her chores I added my bathroom as she often uses it as well.

This 9-year old got all upset about the additional duty and said "I hate you". :(

Currently, I am now trying to calm down before resolving this issue. So what would you do?

get a maid.

unacceptable behavior (the “I hate you” comment),…she does need responsibilities

I was raised in a strict home,…..there is nothing wrong with asking your children to do chores

However,.she was raised with a house keeper in the house here in Thailand so it is going to take some adjustments

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Originally Posted by Texpat

get a maid.

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Your suggestion could help bandaid the problem, but actually providing a solution? :)

Make her earn her pocket money/allowance or whatever you call it, no work no money, she don't want to do her chores then no luxuries as in new clothes or whatever you spoil your daughter with.

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Originally Posted by hillbilly

She has grown up in a Thailand with a maid and is not use to doing housework. Hence, one of the reasons for moving back for a few years to instill some responsibility.

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Couldn't you just have sacked the maid? :)

^This was tried several times, but the truth is initially I enjoyed the aspects of having a Thai maid. As the years went on... Well you get the picture.:(

Could always use the line Dustin Hoffman used in Kramer vs Kramer.

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Originally Posted by davearn

Could always use the line Dustin Hoffman used in Kramer vs Kramer.

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Come on now, help me out here. What was the line?

reward/punishment method - don't do your chores you get things cut out, you do things then you get some pocket dosh.

Chores teaches responsibility - not going to have someone else do things for you always, so best to learn this now, not later.

^ Sorry mate, I was only joshing but the line is "I hate you back, you littlle shit"

Do nothing.

Said it myself a few times


Let it pass and she will do something about it if she wants to or realises she said it out of anger.


don't worry about it HB.

ignore the "I hate you" stick to your guns. Be fair.
Every parent goes through this. It is her prerogative to hate you, it is NOT her prerogative to defy you. Make damned she does her chores, whether she hates you or not.

Ok, I have calmed down just a bit.

I just have to remind myself that I was an asshole when I was I kid. Probably still am at times.

Now here is where us adults can't figure out kids. My daughter is now cleaning out her entire room to include the closet. :) Might I say no problem with the Disney Channel not being on, she is listening to today's music and is doing what she has been asked.

Even organizing her closet or wardrobe as the Thais would say.

However, she did comment that she only had 5 pairs of jeans...:(

Thanks for all the imput. Really appreciate the feedback! :)

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Originally Posted by hillbilly

Currently, I am now trying to calm down before resolving this issue. So what would you do?

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gladd the others said it first, DO NOT react to the i hate you comment,

it is either

1. a means of blowing off steam (and thus to be ignored)

2. said to get a reaction (and thus to be ignored)

Besides, your daughter will love you forever, don't let words said in anger hurt that. do not make a deal out of it.

send her out to work ther rice paddies,tell her she cant come back `till she loves you........

This type of the thing was the beginning of the end of my relationship with the kid. So be careful how you handle it. Be firm, fair, loving and don't back down. Hope for the best, but expect the worst. No matter how fair you are it won't be enough in her eyes. Good luck HB - been there done that!

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Originally Posted by friscofrankie

ignore the "I hate you" stick to your guns. Be fair.
Every parent goes through this. It is her prerogative to hate you, it is NOT her prerogative to defy you. Make damned she does her chores, whether she hates you or not.

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Good sound advice Frankie. Nonetheless, situations can be different, this might be a sound guideline. Cheers:)

DELETE

She should learn to do work but making her clean your bathroom could be a bit disgusting especially if your hair is all over the place in it. Why not tell her if she doesn't want to clean it she should use the other one but she has to clean it. Growing up we never cleaned our parents bathroom. My sisters pretty much only did laundry or stuff in the kitchen. I guess they helped in keeping the main bathroom clean. You know girls though they mess up bathrooms with all their makeup etc. Thinking back it seems that my brother and I did a lot more work around the house inside and out than my sisters. Now my brother is a lazy ass. My sisters are the most successful.

Anyways, I still think that a 9 year old shouldn't have to clean her father's toilet. It's disgusting!!!

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Originally Posted by hillbilly

This 9-year old got all upset about the additional duty and said "I hate you".

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Welcome to fatherhood mate!

Don't make a big issue out of it but stick to your guns and certainly do not bow to her outburst.

I would like a dollar for everytime one of my kids told me they hate me and at the end we could not be closer.

By giving her chores and responsibilities is ensuring that she ends up feeling a bigger part of your family. She will thank you one day and tell you she is going to teach her children the same principles.

Then your grand kids will tell you that they hate you!

Comes with being a good dad mate! :)

Thanks! My daughter is still not happy!

^she'll get over it!

I never said "i hate you" to mine my brother did and got the shit kicked out of him, just made me more sneaky

My son (adopted) tends to piss all over the toilet seat including the floor and when he does a piss and doesn't clean up his mess.

My wife explained that he has a foreskin which hangs over his bell end which does not allow him to piss straight!

Well as I don't have a foreskin I can't imagine his problem so this morning I waltzed him into the toilet and made him clean up his mess. My wife told me she would clean it and I told her that if he doesn't learn now he will never learn.

She agreed, he got down begrudgingly and cleaned up his piss and I don't want to see his yellow beads all over the toilet seat again over wise I will ban him from the toilets and I will give him a 5 Gallon bucket to do his business in.

You gotta be cruel to be kind......My parents were!

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Originally Posted by hillbilly

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Originally Posted by Texpat

get a maid.

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Your suggestion could help bandaid the problem, but actually providing a solution? :)

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Exactly, it must hurt a bit to be told 'I hate you' from your own child or from a step child but is getting a maid providing a solution or simply spoiling the kid?

Many kids in Thailand do have maids and drivers and go to nice schools - this is all very well providing they understand how fortunate they are.

^^that is not cruel, it is education, LT

how old is he LT?

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You gotta be cruel to be kind......My parents were!

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straight up true . :)

and ignore Tex's week troll , 'twas he who rightly stated in another thread , your a role model not a friend .

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Originally Posted by jizzybloke

how old is he LT?

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12 years old mate and to be fair he is a good kid but lacks a bit of discipline!

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Originally Posted by DrAndy

^^that is not cruel, it is education, LT

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Just a figure of speech mate.........What was that Elvis Costello song! :)

at 12 he should know better than to piss on the toilet seat and walk away!

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Originally Posted by jizzybloke

at 12 he should know better than to piss on the toilet seat and walk away!

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Yes I know and as we have just moved into a new house he has his own toilet now.

I decided to use it last night, and as I had a case of the Bali Belly and found it looked like a toilet at Swampy airport. Piss everywhere and thats when I got the explanation from my wife about his covered bell end.

I told him this morning if he can't aim straight he can sit on the toilet like a girl and I won't accept piss all over the place.

That brings me to the next Dad's question and I ask this advice.
As I am circumcised I have no idea about teaching him about personal hygiene and with regard to his foreskin. Can anyone tell me what I should advise him and so he can firstly piss straight and clean his bell end?

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Originally Posted by hillbilly

Currently, I am now trying to calm down before resolving this issue. So what would you do?

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You should ask yourself why a 9-year old, in a fit of childhood temper, saying "I hate you" makes you that angry...?

The compromise solution would appear simple -- you tell her that you will stay out of her bathroom, as long as she stays out of yours, and that she won't have to clean your bathroom ... AS LONG AS SHE KEEPS HER'S CLEAN...

The other factor being is that you need to show that you are also doing your chores, or occasionally helping her with her chores -- I'm sure you are doing that already, but she should not be expected to do chores, without having an example shown to her by you doing the same (like I said, I'm sure you are already doing that).

Either way, examine yourself why the situation made you that angry.

Set some ground rules, simple as that. If she doesn't like them, tough. I'm surprised you need to ask, no offense of course.

Assign some jobs to her that are for her only and make sure your maid doesn't get involved.

If she says she hates you, no biggie.
If she laces your coffee with strychnine, you're in trouble.

She's trying to manipulate. Ignore it. If you react, she'll revisit the ploy.

Do you have a dungeon?

A good thrashing with a 1m length of electrical cable should do it

My kids have said that to me couple of times I think all parents will hear that at some point, my answer always was " but I really love you very very much, and now do as I told you"
I agree you must "stick to your guns" but always show unconditional love to your children at the same time. :)

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Originally Posted by Loy Toy

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Originally Posted by jizzybloke

at 12 he should know better than to piss on the toilet seat and walk away!

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Yes I know and as we have just moved into a new house he has his own toilet now.

I decided to use it last night, and as I had a case of the Bali Belly and found it looked like a toilet at Swampy airport. Piss everywhere and thats when I got the explanation from my wife about his covered bell end.

I told him this morning if he can't aim straight he can sit on the toilet like a girl and I won't accept piss all over the place.

That brings me to the next Dad's question and I ask this advice.
As I am circumcised I have no idea about teaching him about personal hygiene and with regard to his foreskin. Can anyone tell me what I should advise him and so he can firstly piss straight and clean his bell end?

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I don't know your Son so I don't know who he will be most comfortable with on this subject your Wife or you, but there is only one way, one of you must first make him pull back his foreskin to check that he can do that (while you watch) and if ok then make him do that in the shower and again tell him to wash with soap (gently) while the skin is fully pulled back rinse with plenty of water and tell him to do that every time he showers, there is no easy way out of this one, where I come from Mothers teach their boys this allready from a very early age while they bathe their sons.:)

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Originally Posted by Loy Toy

My son (adopted) tends to piss all over the toilet seat including the floor and when he does a piss and doesn't clean up his mess.

My wife explained that he has a foreskin which hangs over his bell end which does not allow him to piss straight!

Well as I don't have a foreskin I can't imagine his problem so this morning I waltzed him into the toilet and made him clean up his mess. My wife told me she would clean it and I told her that if he doesn't learn now he will never learn.

She agreed, he got down begrudgingly and cleaned up his piss and I don't want to see his yellow beads all over the toilet seat again over wise I will ban him from the toilets and I will give him a 5 Gallon bucket to do his business in.

You gotta be cruel to be kind......My parents were!

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Get him circumcised. Problem solved.

^^ Thanks Larvidchr you information is most helpful! :)

Better still, and as you live just around the corner can you come around and talk to him yourself.

I don't know if I can handle teaching someone how to wash their knob! Yes your do it and I will say your Dr. Larvi! :)

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Originally Posted by Loy Toy

My wife explained that he has a foreskin which hangs over his bell end which does not allow him to piss straight!

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Your wife is being a typical mother, making excuses for her nestling, but that's not really a solution. Most uncircumcised penis' have loose skin at the end, and if left that way, it interferes with the stream (Duh!).

Obviously, the kid can do something about it -- pull back the skin a little bit, to free up the front of his gland, and lo and behold, he can piss straight.

You're his father - it's your job to show him how to properly piss, which is not rocket science. You can either show him by demonstration (you're family, so that's actually 'ok' unless you're one of the prude Yanks), or you can make it a playful challenge in the form of a pissing contest -- just challenge him to either hit specific targets with his piss, or to write certain shapes on the floor with his piss (obviously, this works easier in snow, which you may be short of).

Either way, geez, if you're challenged by something as simple as showing your kid how to piss properly, you better forget about being a parent with anything more critical... ;-)

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Originally Posted by Loy Toy

As I am circumcised I have no idea about teaching him about personal hygiene and with regard to his foreskin. Can anyone tell me what I should advise him and so he can firstly piss straight and clean his bell end?

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Are you frakking kidding me? Have you heard of this thing called a 'shower'? What do you do in the shower? Do you never touch your knob in the shower, for fear of sinful activity, or how the heck do you wash yourself down there -- or, at all.

Being circumcised does not mean you can forego regular and normal body hygiene (showers, baths, that kind of thing), but sometimes, seeing these kind of queries, I really have to wonder if some people just consider it a carte blanche to skipping regular hygiene.

Seriously, don't you wash down there? It'd be no different for your kid, except that he'd be pulling his skin back, apply soap, apply water... you know, that sort of thing.

Again, this may be a situation where you may need to show him -- just plop him in the shower, have him show how he washes himself, and give him some directions as to what else to do in order to get the area under the skin clean.

I'm still shocked that this even comes up as a question.... from a western poster...