I've just assisted a pair of female Dutch gap year students with the apparently highly complex task of adding currency to their telecommunication devices. Now whilst I stood tapping in the relevant numbers with the air of a supremely versed telephone technician about me, I found myself in admiration of their flowing blond locks and heaving busts which in turn created a wave of excitement in my underpants. But after a more careful and thorough scrutinization of the two, another emotion immediately extinguished the fire of lust and replaced it with a sentiment on the opposite end of the spectrum; that of sheer fucking hate.
Look at you! With your brand new telephones which have probably got daddy's bank manager on speed dial!
Look at you! With your 'anklets'!
Look at you! With your backpacks the size of a fucking bus!
Look at you! With your 'traveller's cheques'!
Look at you! With your pork chop ridden arses!
Look at you! With your erdy fucking gurdy accents!
Look at you! With your 'painted toenails'!
Look at you! With your Lonely Planet with post-it notes on relevant pages!
Look at you! With your 'I've had a Pad Thai so therefore I know everything there is to know about this country' look all over your fucking face!
Look at you! With your plane ticket to Indonesia where you will subsequently disembark and shack up with a tribe of pygmies in order to 'discover yourself'!
Just fucking look at you!
Fuck off back to The Hague you horrible bunch of poofs!
