The only way is up: Land's End to John o' Groats 2015

This time tomorrow, I shall be aboard a train hurtling towards the most southerly point of the British Isles. My initial stop will be Penzance and after a night in a B&B I will be making my way the further 20 or so miles down to Land's End, pointing my bicycle due north and pedalling in that direction until I arrive in John o' Groats some 12 days later.

That is the plan. But as I look out of the window at the sight of steady rainfall, I cannot help but muse that, bollocks, the weather may impede my path. If this is the case I will hole up in suitable venues along the route and sample regional brews while offending local people by swearing and falling over a lot.

The Good Morning Britain weather chick, however, has informed me that, nil desperandum, oh intrepid one, we are yet to see the end of the summer. The Good Morning Britain weather chick, though, has been known to lie and her previous form fills me with little optimism.

But, who cares. Onwards and upwards...

Inventory

Clothing:

2 x cycling shorts
2 x cycling jersey
2 x cycling jacket/long-sleeved jerseys
2 x normal shorts
2 x t-shirts
1 x tracksuit bottoms
2 x pants
2 x pairs of socks
1 x helmet
1 x pair of trainers (will not be using spds or clipless)

Equipment:

2 x inner tubes
1 x puncture repair kit
Lights, back and front
Mini pump
2 x 750ml water bottles
Multi tool with chain splitter
Cycle computer
Phone/camera plus charger
Netbook plus charger


Bicycle:

Pinnacle Arkose Three, Cyclo-Cross bike
Knobbly tyres for off-roading (I refuse to use any A roads)
1 x rack
2 x rear panniers
1 x bar bag


Here she is in her unburdened state...


https://teakdoor.com/images/imported/2015/08/815.jpg

Physically I feel I am up to this task. I've ridden many miles over the last few months and have lost quite a lot of weight in the process. To be frank, though, I'm quite sure that most people, as long as you have a working pair of legs, could complete this journey. On such tours, stamina tends to increase - the more you ride, the fitter you get and the longer you can continue. No, this is more about mental than physical strength - so let's see if I have the minerals.

I will be making daily updates on here so that those who are interested may follow my progress - or lack of it - as I ride north.

Wish me luck!

Go Hard Young Slap,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,, or go home:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by somtamslap

Wish me luck!

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I certainly do. I remember a time in my life when I was going to walk it.

If you'd have started at John o' Groats couldn't you have feel wheeled the whole way down.
Don't forget to stop somewhere near Carlisle for some vegetables they don't eat many of those up north :rofl:

Break a bollock mate

Quote:

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Originally Posted by VocalNeal

Don't forget to stop somewhere near Carlisle for some vegetables they don't eat many of those up north

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Collect some Neep's on the way. Great with a bit of gravy.

Good luck and don't forget the sore arse cream unless you enjoy that sort of thing,if so enjoy.
And above all else stay safe.

Obliged, chaps.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by VocalNeal

If you'd have started at John o' Groats couldn't you have feel wheeled the whole way down.

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Bit of a misconception there - south to north you get the prevailing wind at your back, and the biggest hills are in Devon and not Scotchland.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by klong toey

And above all else stay safe.

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Thanks KT. I'm taking the cross bike for the purposes of avoiding traffic. Will mainly be using NCN paths.

an epic journey, good luck.

weatherspoons breakfasts might come in handy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by taxexile

an epic journey, good luck.

weatherspoons breakfasts might come in handy.

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Weatherspoons is not synonymous with anything epical.

big breakfasts will be needed on a trip like this.... some ruddy cheeked thick thighed northern farmers daughters to keep him warm at nights might come in handy too.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by somtamslap

Quote:

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Originally Posted by klong toey

And above all else stay safe.

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Thanks KT. I'm taking the cross bike for the purposes of avoiding traffic. Will mainly be using NCN paths.

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Good idea, Slap. Too frigging dangerous on them roads these days.

Enjoy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by taxexile

weatherspoons breakfasts might come in handy

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That will be the key to this trip. Food, food, food, and just when you thought the fridge was safe, more fucking food. I could eat an English breakfast, double cheese and bacon burger with chips, and a extra large doner kebab every day and it will barely scratch the surface.

The carb loading process has already started. Massive doorstep chunks of granary bread with cheese and pickle for lunch. This evening I will have a lamb balti, a sag paneer, naan bread and pilau rice - and four cans of Kronenberg. There are perks.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by somtamslap

The carb loading process has already started. Massive doorstep chunks of granary bread with cheese and pickle for lunch. This evening I will have a lamb balti, a sag paneer, naan bread and pilau rice - and four cans of Kronenberg. There are perks.

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Ah, preparing the internal gas cylinders for some extra thrust!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKHz7wOjb9w

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Neverna

Ah, preparing the internal gas cylinders for some extra thrust!

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If I wanted serious results, I'd eat a tin or two of Heinz Curry Beans. I was actually concerned for my safety such was severity of the resulting flatulence. Really prolonged methane emissions and totally fucking vulgar. Marvellous.

Good luck Slaps, when you get past Swindon be sure to drink plenty of that novern beer, it makes you fart like a bastard but it keeps the locals away and warms the sleeping bag on cold nights.
Head down arse up and tally hoes!!

Quote:

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This evening I will have a lamb balti, a sag paneer, naan bread and pilau rice - and four cans of Kronenberg. There are perks.

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i dont see any toilet paper on your equipment list.

^ Thai styleee

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stinky

when you get past Swindon be sure to drink plenty of that novern beer

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When I get passed Swindon I'll have Exmoor and the Mendips fresh in my legs and will probably be crying like a little girl... but cheers old chap!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by taxexile

i dont see any toilet paper on your equipment list.

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I will be relying on Petrol Stations for toilet time - which could result in fire.

Good Luck!

Have you got a planned route yet?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Chittychangchang

Have you got a planned route yet?

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Sort of. Things get a bit sketchy from just south of Manchester. I think I'm going to use the Liverpool-Leeds canal for as long I can before blasting (or riding very slowly) up to the Lakes.

Have a great trip Slaps, remember take plenty of pics for our entertainment and education.

[QUOTE="palexxxx"] remember take plenty of pics for our entertainment and education.[/QUOTE Absolutely mate. Daily trip reports heading your way...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by somtamslap

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Chittychangchang

Have you got a planned route yet?

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Sort of. Things get a bit sketchy from just south of Manchester. I think I'm going to use the Liverpool-Leeds canal for as long I can before blasting (or riding very slowly) up to the Lakes.

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Beware them canal paths oop north they've been known to chew people up and spit them out.

May i suggest a more scenic route that will prepare you for the Lakes and Scotland..

https://teakdoor.com/images/imported/2015/08/817.jpg

Watch out for the pubs on the moors up north. It's a bit grim.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07FdVcspOfQ