Global Meltdown, and hoping not to be a bastard

Actually, just doing some soul searching, and wondered about some advice.
I was married before in the UK, two boys, 14/11 now, the wife divorced me, because I worked away all the time.(10 years ago - liked spending the money - didn't like me working in China)
For the past 10 years (since the divorce ) I have tried to support them, 650 quid a month, for the first 6 years and, for the past 4 years or so, to the tune of 200 quid a month.
The problem looms now, that all the investments I had are gradually....for want of a better word, diminishing, and, in the next couple of years, if the economy does not pick up, I will find myself up shit creek without a paddle..this is the man that held Northern Rock/HBOS/Lloyds etc.
Planning for the future.
I am trying to do right, but I cannot see a way out of this that will allow me to take care of the NEW family, any ideas...I can only see that in order for this (Thai family) to survive is to cut the payments to the UK, at least they have Social, and she (previous wife) has been claiming that for the past 10 years, telling the government I have never supported her!
I am trying to maintain a past endowment that will mature in the next four years, and the UK kids can get half of that.
I have bought them computers over the years to keep in touch, but the phone is constantly cut as they don't pay their bills, yet they keep three mobiles.
They have have five cats, and 2 dogs..and that can't be cheap! I could feed a Thai for a month on what that costs...just looking for a way out without animosity, and doing the best I can for my kids..and ANYONE HAVE A JOB?

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Originally Posted by Missismiggins

They have have five cats, and 2 dogs..and that can't be cheap!

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(reaching a bit here)

What is 650 quid in $/Bt?

its about 650 x 70 at the time (45500) + the Social!
but what I want to know is what the UK govt. are paying a single (divorced) woman and two kids aged 14/11 each month..previously, with this tax credit shit...she was making more than me!
Anyone know what they are getting? obviously the rent is paid, free medical etc.
No incentive to find a job!

Seems to me you'll have to give up on the fantasy of living in Thailand and return to the UK.

Sure, you can shirk the responsibilities you have for your children and hide out in Thailand but that is a selfish choice.

Go back, earn money and be a man.

MMmmm... I thought that Too!
Mc Donalds...KFC... nobody wins! When you get to my age, nobody wants you!
The only jobs you can get are as expats..not a problem..but limited Teaching BAD English as a second language?

If I go back to the UK and get a job at the fast food wonderland..do you really think I will have 200 quid to spare?AND I then become a burden to the UK Social.
Think it through!
It would be cheaper to keep me here!

Man, you've been doing the right thing for a long time, is she doing the right thing by you? Do you have access to the boys? Can you talk with her still? Sounds not.

Got to think of the boys and yourself too.

If you think that your level is working in Maccas or KFC or signing on then that is where you will end up.

You've got to aim higher.

Does your ex-wife work?

While I never think a man should shirk his responsibilities towards children he helped bring into the world, I think, if there are financial problems the wife should be working towards that financial support, too. No excuse to be sitting watching Jeremy Kyle & existing on child support & benefits, IMO.

Its at times like this that I miss Lily

a moral turmoil for sure, whilst i am unaware of the welfare net in uk, it sounds similar here, from where i stand though it seems only to create third and fourth generation dole bludgers, i try to hire people only to have the lazy bastards throw it in my face that they are better off on the dole, if you are not there to prevent this mindset by setting an example [working] your boys are more than like ly going to be trapped in this web, i hope i,m wrong, but on the other hand you now have a family there to grow, only you know the right thing to do as we don,t live in your world.. good luck

Good of you to (honestly) support them so long. But, you have to support yourself first now, if investment payments are shrinking. If you cannot work, and have a new fam in Thai, and your ex is collecting social (is that welfare?) and says you never gave her anything (no bank records or payment receipts?), then you have to tell her sorry. Threaten to take the records to the social. Can't she work?
If you are also worried about their pets, you are too nice. Not your problem, especially if she collected them since you left.
Keep in touch with your kids tho. Hopefully they will love you for who you are and realise what you have done for them.

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Originally Posted by Missismiggins

They have have five cats, and 2 dogs..and that can't be cheap! I could feed a Thai for a month on

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You could feed a thai family for a month on 5 cats and two dogs esaily. Possibly longer if they had a freezer.

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Originally Posted by pompeybloke

Man, you've been doing the right thing for a long time, is she doing the right thing by you? Do you have access to the boys? Can you talk with her still? Sounds not.

Got to think of the boys and yourself too.

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Mate,
I haven't had ONE single phone call in ten years from them, unless it was to ask for money.
I bought the boys a computer / ADSL so they could keep in touch - in 10 years I have had 3 e mails - 1 of which was requesting money.
The only time I can see them is if I go to the UK, which is about once every three years - I get to see them at her place for two days on the weekend out of my two week trip. They are never allowed to visit me at my family's home, again even though the rail tickets have been offered.
They have never been allowed to visit, even when I was going to pay the tickets.
So yeah, I guess I am getting a bum deal, but they are my kids, so I try and do the best I can for them.
I can't even phone them from here (for the past two years) as the BT phone is always cut off - They all three have mobiles, none of which are ever switched on or have any balance left on them.

They can however afford trips to Barcelona (after I paid the deposit!) look after 5 cats, and 1 dog at last report, the missus can afford "Belly Dancing" lessons...FFS!

I cannot find out what benefits they get, I know the rent is paid for, obviously they get child benefit, but what else? All I hear is moans of poverty.

At the time of the divorce, about 11 years ago, with the money I sent her, the tax credits and whatever else she was claiming, she was actually making more money than me when I was working full time..(her solicitor made the mistake of listing her income during the last settlement) Obviously that has changed, but anyone in the UK have any idea what a single mother with 2 kids 11/ 14 would roughly get, caliming to the CSA that her husband "disappeared" and pays her nothing?

Your financial circumstances have genuinely changed, and your maintenance payments were based on your previous circumstances. And now you have a family to support here, too.

So I would say, both legally and morally, you have a fair case to reduce your maintenance payments- and the UK has it's social welfare system to take up the slack and/or (shock horror) your ex wife could get a job. Belt tightening applies to maintenance recipients as it does to maintenance providers if financial circumstances change. If the UK legal system still anachronistically says otherwise (which I doubt) ferk 'em- you live in Thailand now. Just be fair.

^ You've done/are doing all that you can so 'mai pen rai'.....good luck!

Cut your ties then. And I thought you said two dogs.:)

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Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon

Cut your ties then. And I thought you said two dogs.:)

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I did, sorry, my mistake there is I believe only one at the moment, the other was given away apparently. I do get thirdhand info from my mother who in turn gets secondhand info from the ex's mother....so it's a bit like Chinese whispers at times!

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Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon

Good of you to (honestly) support them so long. But, you have to support yourself first now, if investment payments are shrinking. If you cannot work, and have a new fam in Thai, and your ex is collecting social (is that welfare?) and says you never gave her anything (no bank records or payment receipts?), then you have to tell her sorry. Threaten to take the records to the social. Can't she work?
If you are also worried about their pets, you are too nice. Not your problem, especially if she collected them since you left.
Keep in touch with your kids tho. Hopefully they will love you for who you are and realise what you have done for them.

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Cheers for that, yes she collects socail and that is welfare.
I have all the bank records, no problem there, the only problem if I show those, she will probably be forced to repay every penny of social she has claimed over the past ten years which will not help the klids in the least.

So, I will probably have to bite the bullet and make a decision sooner than later!
Cheers

Fuck mate., sounds like you are being taken for a ride.

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Originally Posted by Missismiggins

I am trying to do right, but I cannot see a way out of this that will allow me to take care of the NEW family

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Think you already know the answer. Do what you must do and get on with your life.