Diary of a Pattaya Songkran reveller

11 April
Had to start already earlier when nobody is prepared for it.
Todays highlight was when I blasted a load of water into the face of this jerk in a wheelchair.
Hey, he had a small watergun as well, or was it an inhaler? Looked like a weapon to me, so he deserved it.

12 April
What can be more fun than using my blue PVC pipe on a crowded motorbike driving at full speed down the road? The prick tried to evade my splashing and got on a sandy track….all 4 of them rolling over the road. They must have got some nasty scratches, ha ha ha.
Soaking food vendor and their stinky food is fun, but extinguishing these charcoal fires is the best part of it. Lots of steam.

13 April
Should have seen this mum begging not to get soaked. She shouldn't bring her toddler along when I am in funtown during Songkran. The kid didn’t stop screaming so I gave him another load.
Today I added some itching powder to the water, should have thought about it earlier. Finally everybody was dancing in the streets.

14 April
Good that there are lots of open restaurants in Pattaya. Love those pricks getting upset about a little water on their food. Fuck them, they can eat at home.
Lots of titty groping today. Those young chicks don't have that much but they are screaming like hell.

15 April
Throwing powder into the bike drivers face was a lot more enjoyable than spraying them with water. The old granny couldn't see anymore and drove full speed into the back of the braking truck. Bang, I love this noise.
Only 5 days to go, have to plan my upcoming activities carefully to get the most out of it.


So what were your highlights or have you locked yourself in like a coward?

Hi, my names Dwayne from Harlow, Essex

12th April

Sarm farkin Thai caant has just sprayed me artside the farkin' gaff on me way to the farkin' Dogs Bollox...caaants, I'll fackin do' em.....beers now anywaay geeez

13th April

fark! Who's this bird then innit in me bed..shower and sort it my saaan. (After shower) Fark...wheres the wallet gone out of the ol' sky rocket..robbin' slint eyed chink caaants

14th April

Whayheyy........I'm forever blawin' babbles, pretty babbles in the air.West Ham, West Ham (falls over on Beach Road)

Hi Crispin here from Cantebury in Kent. I live with mummy and daddy in the petite cottage behind the Cathedral. Uni's tough at the moment so mummy said I need a break before my finals. So I thought I would explore SE Asia for 2 weeks..the Lonely Planet recommended Thailand........

12th April

9.00am Wow, this Pattaya place seems great, I wish Tristram and Sophie could have experienced this culture. I will go and take some pictures of some temples after breakfast.

11.00am Breakfast was quite good, I wasn't to sure about the heated ham and cold toast, not like mummies egg soldiers, though hey I'm in Asia and I'm eating local Thai quisine.

PM. I ventured out after breakfast, he, he 10.00, I should call it brunch as Rupert would say. It was very interesting, alot of chaps, I think their tatoos were fake and it suprises me how they don't disappear with all that water around. Silly me, I need to brush up since getting grade A in Biology. They did call me speccy and invited me for a drink. Jolly chappies having a wonderful time, so I accepted.

Late PM. Wow, I'm surprised how many of my new English friends can buy a timeshare in a bar and go back to blighty and have wonderful holidays, they said I should invest. I wonder why Prince Harry and Wills have never thought of this?

Early Evening. I have met a wonderful girl called Pim, in fact she has one of them rub off tatooos like Chris and Gary, my holiday timeshare freinds. She seems a fun girl and is here on her holidays from Uni in a place called Kon Ken, or something like that, Uni student like me on her holidays....I'm falling in love.

Mid Evening. What fun Pim is, not like Sophie. She seems to get on well with Gary and Chris and even plays toy fighting pretending to be a horse while the get on from behind..excellent fun all round.

Late Evening. I fell a bit merry now, this Chang alcohol is not the same as Pims. Pim (no pun intended, though mummy will find her name funny when she comes to visit us at the cottage) said we should go back to my hotel. Wow the bill only cost 10,000baht for a few hours and the taxi ony 2,000. We ordered some food from room service whilst PM went for a shower. I went next and Pim suggested I leave 5,000 baht for the food service charge. Bloody good deal old beam.

Bedtime. Pim has gone, I think to get the food, she's a lovely girl, hopefully she has taken an extra 1,000 baht so she doesn't have to carry it all on her own..................


Crispin fell to sleep soon after...

13th - Put the camera, wallet and mobile safely away. Found gaily coloured shirt and some 'respectable' shorts. Wrapped some fags, some Baht and a lighter in plastic. Loaded my 'gun' with some ice and some water from the 'fridge and went out on foot. Worked my way up the soi, shaking hands, dancing a bit and swapping water with the locals. Found a good crowd with some nice Morlam music and a handy clock. Stayed there most of the day. Late afternoon went to see the carnival procession. Came home, for a shower and change, and the heavens opened. Stayed in and nearly got sober again.

14th - Sat in the back of a pick-up on the way to a local temple. Stopped at every hosepipe. Mrs LoomB and SIL's had a quick pray and we came back the long way, BIL handing out beer like he had won the lottery. Came home and drank with the boys. Fissed as a part by 9.30, went to bed.

15th - Same as 13th but made it as far as the market where I am treated like royalty and chatted up by the girls in the photolab. They insist on buying the drinks, food and one of those necklaces made of smelly flowers. They have a sort of house music, on casset and a handy hose. I think we washed everyone that passed by, pausing only for more ice and to top up my gun. Before I fall over, I make my excuses, swap phone numbers, and wobble down to the bike garage, at the end of the town. Here it is much more laid back but there is no music. After a couple more beers, I have to call it a day and wobble home. Mrs LoomB had some family stuff to do and I am nearly presentable when She gets back. Heavens open again and power cut stops all the music.

I didn't see another farrang, all holliday apart from a German guy up the soi leading to the Temple. I am glad I left the camera behind. It meant that I was looking and smiling and not peering into a screen all the time. I have met some great people, of all ages, and got smiles, handshakes or waves from most of them. Songkraan, love it. When's the next one?

It only lasted one day here (13th). But went out, got royally pissed & soaked. Blue skies (& very hot) all day. Great fun, great atmosphere. :D

Woke up on the 14th with slight hangover, sunburn, sand all over the house & a neon pink stain on my face from a brightly coloured face gloop that I hadn't got off properly the night before. Got to have been a good day!

Spent most of it with my work colleague who I am now a 'bit closer to'.

Was in bed most of the time.

Went to Big Johns free BBQ and Foodland to eat and thats about it.

Oh, got soaked today by a bunch of drunken guys.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DJ Pat

Spent most of it with my work colleague who I am now a 'bit closer to'.

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Bleedin 'ell got a bird now? I thought I was gonna have a Pat classic on this thread involving Jase, Colin and Kev from Southgate or somewhere

LB and NR, its a take on the Beer Bar thread that Buri set up, not a bladdy Songkran day in pics thread, stop hijacking it. (BTW, top day down Suk Soi 22 on Sun)

She's yummy mate.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jarvis

LB and NR, its a take on the Beer Bar thread that Buri set up, not a bladdy Songkran day in pics thread, stop hijacking it. (BTW, top day down Suk Soi 22 on Sun)

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Sorry, Jarve, what was that? Didn't hear you...:kma:

Not a serious thread yer ****:(

bladdy good work OP, and Jarvis, nearly pissed meself laffing.

loomy and NR - did you read the op properly? - no real stories pls!

As long as it's not a serious thread...

I'll post some Nong Khai tramps in here... Hope you like 'em.

https://teakdoor.com/Gallery/albums/u...l_DSCN2204.JPG

Notice the lovely temple in the background. The skanks dancing here would gladly have given their virginity (ha!) for a half-empty bottle of Lao khao. I didn't oblige.

https://teakdoor.com/Gallery/albums/u...l_DSCN2215.JPG

This chubby crumpet seemed oblivious to the term contrast. Or maybe not. A few stops after this photo op, my BiL's mates (hes and shes and god-knows-whats) climbed aboard the debauchery bus -- my trusty wife at the helm (thank goodness). One of the strapping strumpets took a few swipes at my tackle and turned to smile each time. Seemed to think it rather amusing.

I swear I tried to object, but had a lump in my ... err throat ... Luckily (or not) they disembarked when the beer ran out a few kms downstream. She turned and planted one square on top of my bald head.

I hate songkran. :( :)

Stayed in the last two daytimes to avoid it all. Mrs went to market yesterday to get some food, but that was OK 'cus I was about to run out of fags.

So car got cummed on as usual outside 711. Kaaants.

Went out to Yet another party (Yawwn) yesterday night to display my Songkhran spirit. Ferkin' boring, Thai guy thought he's was gods gift to Elvis, the roast pig was shite, the curry had potatoes but the traces of 'meat' were prolly radioactive. Heard about a better opening party not far from the lake (girly bar) but nobody really knew where it was.

Ferked off after wishing the girls from the beer bar next door all the best, but just not in the festive spirit. Worrying signs from my tummy. The drunk farangs were starting to karaoke about now, maybe Thai Elvis wasn't so bad.

Woke up early this morning, well amiss. Cleaned it all out by 4am, a good spew and some diarrhoea. Not too bad, felt better for it. Mrs went to some relatives to play with their babies and be all festive, I stayed home. Was gonna go to the local shop this evening anyway, but got a call that a coupla locals had cooked up some German grub, so where was I? Sounded good, but had to wait a while 'cus Mrs was preparing her famous Pate'.

Nice meal actually, well enjoyed it. We spent a few hours drinking and complaining about Songkhran. Guy came by and told me there was another good party last night, some new falang funded place past the Wat at the end of Nernplubwan. Why wasn't I told? It had real pork pies and everything. :(

Theres only two or three days left of Songkhran here in Pattaya. I'll be heading to Bkk on Thursday, hope the city is still quiet- best time of year there.

Chok Dee Phee Mai TD! :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sabang

Theres only two or three days left of Songkhran here in Pattaya.

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Thought it was over today??

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kingwilly

loomy and NR - did you read the op properly? - no real stories pls!

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We also read Jarvis saying the same thing as you 1 hour and 20 minutes previously. I even answered him with a kiss-my-arse smiley. So, that makes you slow off the mark, repetitive & unobservant. Oh, and boring. :3rd:

^^ Not in Pattaya Tex. It goes here until the 19th, and thats the craziest day of all.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kingwilly

loomy and NR - did you read the op properly? - no real stories pls!

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Sorry, I didn't understand. Thought he was being a little unkind though.

12 April
I checked my wee wee container. I have been going in here for two weeks - leaving it outside, as the flies are settling on it. It is extremely yellow - like golden nectar

13 April
i decanted the wee into a simple water pistoland separate squeegy bottle ammo holders. These I put into a backpack. Then I went outside. I decided not to shoot people unless they shot me first. So it was with great merriment and chuckles that recipients received my retaliation.

14 April
Such 'friendly fire". I dropped my rule about firing second. One western guy was sporting a nice pair of crimplene tan, action-slacks. Splat, I got him on the crotch. He'll wonder why that watermark doesn't disapprear and why he smells like Red Rum's stable.

ran out of ammonition.

One of the nice things about Phuket is that Songkran is strictly limited to the weekend couple of days, and all the nonsense was over as of yesterday.

I went out on a pick up on Putamonton sai 1 for two days. Great fun; not another farang in sight. Lots of people having fun. I honeslty don't understand peoples problem with Song Kran beats the fuck out of Christmas or druken crappy New Years.

It was fun the first two years..:) The last 11 it has been a pain in the arse :(