Beat the greedy brown pigs

If you have ever been victim of a brown boy trying to extort money out of you for having a scratch on your mudguard or wearing a baseball cap whilst driving or not having your passport on you, I have learned over the years some ways to beat the buggers.

1: If you can speak French, try doing just that so there is no way they can communicate back. If you can not speak French, pretend you can and tell them you are from Moldova, pester them and insist on drawing a map. Don't give them anything and make them wish they had never picked on you, make a big meal of it.

2: Get duplicate copies of your driving licence and hand this over to the bastard who wants 300 baht for it's return.

3: When a policeman who doesn't understand English asks for 500 baht, wai him and say thankyou very much but "Mai ow crap" in the most broken amatuer Thai you can muster. Continue to indicate that you couldn't possibly take his money until he gives up and fucks off.

I can't think of anything else, though if I am not in the mood for giving to beggars I find that walking past them whilst rolling your eyes and mumbling gibberish to yourself subsides some of the guilt.

Try just not stopping, look in the other direction and keep going

Yep - another good'un if it can be seen thru.

This is confusing; are the "greedy brown pigs" the police or beggars

a quick 100 THB can do the job instead of the usual 500 THB

I got stopped on my bike by the cops in phuket. The guy kept saying 'diving lysen, plees, diving lysen'. I didn't have my PADI card on me and was amazed at how this geezer could possibly know that I had booked a scuba diving trip the next day. Once we solved the language problem and I showed him my driving license I was surprised to be let on my way without even being shaken down for a few hundred baht for good measure.

Yesterday I got clipped $72 for parking in a fokking doctor's carspace - the boys in brown might be a pain in the arse but at least their charges are negotiable.

I'm resolved to taking a picture the next time they try to shake me down.

I'll have my wife or a friend snap the shot while I hand over the 5 (count them 1-2-3-4-5) hundred baht notes with one hand while pointing directly at the uniformed officer with the other hand -- disapproving frown on my face. I'll tell him I'm very good at writing news stories for local papers and boy do I have a yarn to spin, with photos.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DrAndy

This is confusing; are the "greedy brown pigs" the police or beggars

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Shit, I was hoping for another bargirl thread

They've always been very nice to me - a quick smile and and a little lecture about why it's bad to break the law and then they wave me on, no payment has ever been asked for.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Rigger

Try just not stopping, look in the other direction and keep going

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I tried that the last time I was stopped, but nearly run him over...

Yes don't stop keep on going, the last 2 times i have even waved back at them smiling.
They'll probably shoot me one day

before I got my thai driving license I'd show my Alaska ID card. And with finger under the ID I'd say "International Driver". Worked every time. They'd usually say oh Alaska and smile.
Last time I got zinged( on the big bimmer) in Bangkok the fucker was on the exit ramp saw me he slowed the taxi in front of me which allowed him to jump in front of me and make me stop. (I usually do the look the other way routine)
It was a very hot midday(i'm all geared up for ridding to PHuket) and take of my gloves reach into my jacket and pull out a "purple". He looks around palms it and starts to lecture me about riding up on the elevated highway.
I smile and speed off. Fuckers

I don't need to do it anymore for the local BIBS as they all know me now, but having the business card of the Police Chief always worked, especially if you point at the phone number and start pushing buttons on the mobile.

If I am outside the local area, I will admit to using the French technique, random gesticulation coupled with muttering "Nom de dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d’enculé de ta mère" usually works.