Printable View
He thought a bird in the hand was better than two in the bush.
But what about his daughter!!! Sad old cvnt!
He's let his country down and his daughter and...himself. ..
Who a twat!
Harry do a runner before it's too late!
On second thoughts, carry on..your mum would be proud!
Uh - what?
Modern royals are no longer forbidden from marrying outside the family
Major James Hewitt now has a tasty daughter in law
Royal weddings normally bore my tits off, but this one I'm beginning to find quite titillating- thanks to the shameless efforts of the publicity and money hungry Markle family. I imagine Her Majesty is not amused- but I am. :)
What's the story with the royal wedding clashing with the FA Cup final?
Same time or did they have the sense to move the time of the wedding? :)
^ you’re not gonna watch that shit are you?
I seem to remember another royal married an American divorcee. That went well.
^^ With Corrie reruns on the other TV.
They not flying you in for it Dill?
Nope, got no German in me
Quote:
Originally Posted by Luigi
Bet it's 0-0 after 90 minutes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dillinger
Probably on a bit late for you lads though.
MEGHAN Markle will show her commitment to Britain by carrying around an inflatable penis on her hen night.
The historic evening will take place tonight, starting at a mate’s flat where Markle will down four glasses of Prosecco in half an hour before necking some vodka and putting the bottle in her handbag.
A Royal spokesperson said: “The princess-to-be will visit a Yates’s Wine Bar where she will tell them it’s her hen night and hassle the bar staff for a free round of shots.
“At this point her entourage will get out the giant inflatable penis and a learner driver sign, causing several other customers to leave due to the unbearable shrieking.
“Later in the evening they will be ejected from a different bar, with Ms Markle still clutching the huge pink cock while a friend tries to hit a bouncer with one of her high heels.
“They will then fail to get into a club for being paralytically pissed, causing the royal bride to start crying and say she ‘wouldn’t go into that shithole now if they paid her’.
“The presence of the giant inflatable phallus will make this scene all the more depressing.
“The royal hen night will then officially end outside a kebab shop in Lewisham with Meghan vomiting on the pavement and Princess Anne snogging a cab driver.”
Difficult to say which of those I have less interest in.Quote:
Originally Posted by Luigi
Probably a tie. :)
I couldn't decide between those two, sticking a red hot poker in my eye or drilling a hole in my kneecap...... Just waiting for the battery drill to charge and the poker to heat up.Quote:
Originally Posted by AntRobertson
I'm leaning towards the poker.
Steely response
https://www.independent.co.uk/voices...-a8356061.html
Oooo it’s so exciting, the great day is nearly here! For weeks the news has been full of stories such as “Residents at a nursing home in Keswick have joined in the celebrations by selling all their hearing aids and dialysis machines so they can afford the ingredients to make a giant apple crumble in the shape of Harry and Meghan”.
Kay Burley will tell us on Sky News: “You can see as you look around Windsor, even the flies are buzzing with a joyful air. The worms in the park are giving off a distinct glow this morning – they know this is a very special day indeed.”
Then Nicholas Witchell will report: “Prince Louis, one month old, is said to be ‘extremely thrilled’ about the wedding, and the palace has confirmed his poos have been especially runny the last couple of days in anticipation of the wonderful day.”
Every single broadcast of anything will be in honour of events at Windsor. The shipping forecast will go: “Finisterre, gale force 7, rising to 8, waves cascading like Meghan’s beautiful dress, undulating with magisterial glory. Hurricane later.”
Porn channels will mark the occasion by showing films in which the participants grunt the top 100 people in line to the throne during the action, timing the climax to coincide with His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales.
Royal weddings through the years
One typical story was a report from Reuters that “a bakery in the picturesque town of Windsor, where Britain’s sixth in line to the throne will marry his American fiancée on Saturday, is serving up cappuccino and latte coffees topped with a frothy portrait of the couple”.It’s delightful how many businesses have joined in the celebrations in this way, so you see adverts such as: “Celebrate the joy of the royal wedding by buying a commemorative garden fork from Homebase. What better way to be reminded of this magical day, than to be jolted back to that perfect moment every time you turn over the soil in your garden?”
Maybe Windsor’s drug dealers can produce a royal wedding special edition skunk that gets you so out of your tree you imagine you’re Princess Caroline of Brunswick.
In a charming gesture, the homeless of Windsor are being moved out of their usual shop doorways for the occasion, and you can’t help imagining the joy of being homeless in Windsor and hearing the local authority tell you: “I’m afraid there aren’t any empty rooms in Windsor at the moment. There’s a dreadful shortage of property round here.”
But this royal wedding has attained a special feature, because it turns out the Markle family haven’t all behaved in the idyllic way we might expect. Luckily, our newspapers have reacted calmly, and soothed the situation with headlines such as “WEDDING CRISIS, FRUITBAT DAD RUINS EVERYTHING, WAR NOW CERTAIN”.
One Daily Mail columnist informed us Thomas Markle “seems to live off chicken tacos and six-packs of beer”. The evidence for this is he was photographed coming out of a shop holding a plastic bag. So you can understand the concern, because anyone who has ever come out of a shop with a plastic bag was clearly carrying something in that bag, so the most likely products were chicken tacos and a six-pack of beer, which they live on, exclusive to any other items.
Royal wedding: Homeless people in Windsor say they are being subject to increased police surveillance in an attempt to sanitise the area
Thomas Markle, like Meghan herself, has been divorced, and it is a dreadful worry that a dysfunctional family is being blended into a normal harmonious one.
This is why I’m sure newspapers will announce the Markles are “extremely concerned” about the family that Megan’s marrying into. And they’re “especially perturbed” that a prominent place in the ceremony has been given to Harry’s father, who demands someone runs his bath for him and insisted on dragging his mistress around with him throughout his first marriage. So maybe it’s for the best if he doesn’t go.
Instead many British newspapers are furious with Thomas Markle, and you can understand why, as they can’t bear anyone who might exploit this glorious occasion just to make some extra sales.
The behaviour of Megan’s dad must be particularly upsetting for the Windsors, as they’ve never taken the slightest interest in preserving their wealth, affecting a happy-go-lucky air, whose motto is “what’s mine is yours”.
Thomas Markle is also accused of using a royal marriage to attract publicity, and no one has ever stooped this low before. For example, Pippa Middleton’s column in Vanity Fair is nothing to do with the fact she’s Kate’s sister – she got the job because of her incisive analysis of the Japanese economy.
But to maintain the glory, we have to promote the idea these characters are special. They weren’t just born into a certain line – they’re in place through merit. The Queen is the monarch because she toiled so hard, starting out as a humble princess and working her way up.
Then we get the tales of how wonderful they are, so politicians give us snippets such as: “Did you know Her Majesty is a marvellous snooker player? Her safety play is simply marvellous.”
Then there’s calamity and disbelief if it turns out they’re like any other family, full of flaws and chaos, except even worse because they’re supposed to be divine. Maybe this is the trouble with royalists; they can’t stand the royal family. If they really cared for them, they’d be like the 52 per cent of the country who say they’re not interested in the wedding, and leave them alone to get married in Windsor Town Hall, with a reception above a gastropub where Thomas Markle could make a hilarious embarrassing speech, and present a buffet of chicken tacos and unlimited six-packs of beer.
So a dollop of fun for ll in this veil of beers.
Mark Steel also does a very funny radio show
Saturday should be the perfect day in the UK for visiting attractions, going for a drive etc. As hopefully everywhere will be quiet with both the wedding and football. Might chance a drive up to the Lake district.
They'd probably just have tried to sell you a special commemorative pint of 'Harry's red beard ale' at London prices.
yet , could always pm Strolls I belive she is a sensation seekerQuote:
Originally Posted by Dillinger
Well, pretty close.Quote:
Originally Posted by cyrille
Come on Harry, you can do better than that.