Can I Go to Hell Instead?

An old lady dies and goes to heaven.

She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of
a sudden she hears the most awful blood-curdling screams.

"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having
the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the
conversation.

Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

"Oh my God," says the old lady, "now what is happening?"

"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled
to fit the halo."

"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."

"You can't go there," says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and
sodomized."

"Maybe so," says the old lady,

"but I've already got the holes for that!"