Phuket…take II…the long way down, by road.

[Nawty]

Phuket…take II…the long way down, by road.


I like driving in Thailand. I hate driving on Bangkok’s highways or toll ways.

I get all churned up in the guts just thinking about it, start steaming with rage at the first signs of getting lost, even if we are not lost, but just feel like we are going to be lost very shortly. My eyebrows start to descend into a semi permanent Wildman look. My ears start to glow red.

This was how the pleasant, two day planned drive to Phuket began.

I studied the roadmaps the night before, the week before, crikey even the month before.

Plan was to drive from Khao Yai down highway number 2 and ‘the mountain of mayhem’….cos this is where every imbecile in the country gathers and tries to race each other up or down the mountain, bus drivers and truck drivers inclusive. Just the week before we rounded a bend at the bottom of the last descent and came upon a nice blue bus that tried to walk up the pedestrian overpass. He was neatly parked halfway up the steps….drivers side door open conveniently with an easy step onto the overpass. Passengers however were wishing the bus had an inflatable ramp they could launch.

Just the week before that, while we were quietly heading North in the fast lane, fuck the idiots behind me, a nice blue bus came careering down the wrong side of the road…so wrong that he was in my lane, just going the opposite direction and he had no windows in the front, no wheels and he had left the front of the bus in the ditch that he crossed prior to taking out a tree and the guard rails.

Anyway, I hate this road.

So we were to travel down it, until we got to the turnoff for the western ring road, which then goes into the southern ring road…then the eastern etc etc. Cross that big river and exit onto highway # 35. Then I would be comfortable, I knew this road well from trips over to Kanchanburi when we lived in Bangkok.

So, relying on the missus to tell me know where and when the exit to bypass highway #9 was coming up….I started to cry when we just passed the exit to highway # 9 and we was not on it. I asked…in an elevated, but not unlike screaming voice….do you think you should get your head out of that map that you cannot read anyway and actually look at some signs ?.

A U-turn was not in order, that is just asking for trouble, I could see us ending up on the Northern ring road and heading the long way round…instead of down. I did very well to keep my cool, considering that previous episodes like this had resulted in fights so big that I nearly ditched AOTY08 on the side of the road….forgive me father for I had sinned…I know. But she had made me promise to not yell like that anymore, so I did not yell like that, I yelled different, less loud.

So, after some silent meditation, deep breaths and entering the next section of the dreaded highways…BANGKOK proper….I had to now try to not get lost, not take a turnoff that looks like it says where we want to go…but it doesn’t, it says it in a sublime kinda way and if you take the wrong attitude with it, you will end up doing circles around Victory Monument until the sun settles or you run out of gas.

I even bought a yellow flower thingy to hang off of the mirror and give thanks and promises of good things to do in return for guidance. I threw the fucking thing out the window 30 minutes later.

We made it over the river, via that big bridge with the farmers bank on the right. So far so good.

Hmmmmmm…slight interruption here, missus just sent me an sms asking what I wanted for my birthday next week…I said “no hair on your pussy”…..hope I get what I want.

So, now we have to head down 35…all straight forward from here on in. Tensions eased, ears relaxed, eyebrows trying to go back to normal.

The kids were starting to go stir crazy, 3 plus hours in the car and I decided to drop them off in the salt mines for a couple of hours work to settle them down. Worked a treat, not a whisper until we hit the coast down past Hua Hin for a late lunch.



Seafood on the beach, nice spot right on the beach down past that Buddha thing. Food was very tasty, deshelled crab curry….hmmmm…beach was full of fat foreign, probably hermans or those Nordic types that like to get their gear off and walk around naked. No matter if they look like boiled walrus’ next to the finer Thais, occasionally seen walking about amongst the heard…popping their heads up trying to get bearings to the nearest shade.

While I dislike the masses of foreign tourists…I do like it when all the guys with their fat and ugly better halves….are seen staring at my wife as we walk by, then they notice she has had 2 kids, then they look at their wife…and look back….and a sneer appears across their sunburnt jowls.

My shoulders go back, suck in the gut, casually put me sunnies up and take a seat in the shade.

The looks get better when the missus peels me crab for me and puts it on my plate……hmmmmmm life is good.

Don’t get me wrong here, my missus ain’t perfect. Sure she has a nice arse, skin of a goddess, a face of an angel….that has been in the sun a bit…a body of a 18yo, long luxuriant hair, a laugh to die for, a smile that melts your heart and can cook the pants off of most people. Just because she is a nymphomaniac and likes 3somes…..we have had our problems, just like any couples.

Lunch done, we head off looking for Won Kon beach marine national park. I thought this might be a nice spot to stay for the night if they have bungalows here. We found the entrance, only to be turned away as the bungalows were full, we had forgotten that it was Chinese New Years eve and besides that, the guard said we had to book over the phone with the office for any accommodations. So, unfortunately, we would not be staying here, not worth paying to go in and look either as they wanted full price from me being a foreigner, they were not taking the missus’ argument for a minute. I had never paid full price for entry into any park in at least the last 6 years or more, so was not going to start now.

We departed and found a beach nearby with a little old thai style resort on it, right on the beach, no road inbetween as usual. Bungalows were 1800b for the night, 1200 for 2 and they charged 300 each for a mattress on the floor for the kids, including brekky.











Settled in and took the kids for a swim, beach was deserted, kids found dozens of starfish on the beach, missus sat in the restaurant on the beach and drank beer.

They make the drinks big down that way...



End of day 1….the first bit.

[Nawty]

A taste of days to come.....

[klongmaster]

Doesn't look so fat and ugly to me Nawty...and don't try and bullshit us that this is your wife!..

I do like it when all the guys with their fat and ugly better halves

[Nawty]

Such hostility so early on.....maybe i should take back my promise of turning over me leaf....

Never said 'she' was fat....said 'promise of things to come'....can you read Klongy ? and I would not shag her with your dick, so certainly not my missus....got better ones of her...

[BobR]

I'm just surprised anyone could possibly like driving in Thailand. No offense and no hostility intended but I find driving here pure hell. Granted it is nice that there is not a petty cop behind every billboard and they don't generally use those chicken shit radar/photograph machines but the driving here is so stupid you cannot let your guard down for even a moment. Anyway have a nice trip.

[klongmaster]

Such hostility so early on.....maybe i should take back my promise of turning over me leaf.... Never said 'she' was fat....said 'promise of things to come'....can you read Klongy ? and I would not shag her with your dick, so certainly not my missus....got better ones of her..

No hostility meant...just that you stated all the foreign women on the beach were 'fat and ugly'...this has not been my experience...then you post a pic of a foreign woman on the beach who is far from your 'f&u' claim...

I can read fine Nawty...you're the one with the problem...but don't let me derail your second attempt at this thread...carry right on...

[Propagator]

Bloody marvellous picture - have you done any photoshop to it. Nice thread, like your writing style green if the system permits

Edit - system don't permit, owe you one.

[madjbs]

I'm just surprised anyone could possibly like driving in Thailand.

I like driving here, most of the time

[MeMock]

I love driving here however I am sure that would soon change if I had to negotiate Bangkok at any stage.

nawty, great start to your thread - can't wait for the rest.

[Bexar County Stud]

I'm just surprised anyone could possibly like driving in Thailand. No offense and no hostility intended but I find driving here pure hell. Granted it is nice that there is not a petty cop behind every billboard and they don't generally use those chicken shit radar/photograph machines but the driving here is so stupid you cannot let your guard down for even a moment. Anyway have a nice trip.

I don't find it that bad. The longest driving trip I've done was a solo motorcylce journey from Rayong down to Songklah and back. Once I got past the eastern seaboard and BKK, it was fairly easy. And a lot of fun, the best way to see Thailand IMO. I didn't have any problems with the police.

Not for everyone, you don't see too many farangs doing this kind of thing. Rather satisfying to pass minibuses full of 20-something backpacker "travelers" I must say.

[kingwilly]

.I had to now try to not get lost, not take a turnoff that looks like it says where we want to go…but it doesn’t, it says it in a sublime kinda way and if you take the wrong attitude with it, you will end up doing circles around Victory Monument until the sun settles or you run out of gas.

haha. I know the feeling. Its happened to me on more than one occasion.

[Nawty]

Ah Klongy...you must be ablack or white kinda guy...

I was talking about the hua hin beach in the first page.....then my photo in second post was 'of things to come'....no mention of hua hin there !!!

its ok...you are still learning, we get it.

[Nawty]

I know what BobR means about not liking to drive, you cannot sit back and relax for a second here, not like back home where you can cruise up the highways and even use cruise control...cannot use cruise control here.

But to put it bluntly, if I drove back home like I drive here, i would not have a licence anymore, I would be in jail and I would have been bashed with road rage several times.

Not that I drive dangerously, I do not, I have family in my car...but its all the little things and all the ridiculous laws back home which are a lot of the time...overkill or over regulation in many ways.




here are the babes on hua hin beach....

[Nawty]

have you done any photoshop to it.

I don't own photoshop.....I don't cheat.....maybe just a little sometimes, but certainly not to the level of Knobsy.

I am a le naturale...

[Mr Earl]

I'm just surprised anyone could possibly like driving in Thailand.

I like driving here, most of the time

Me too, the roads here are delightful especially if you stay off the big highways where madness and madmen often reign!

I think it's very important to have a GPS with the Thailand Navigator loaded in it.
This simple device and software opens up a whole new world of stress free motoring.
It even makes driving in Bangkok manageable.

The GPS allows you to go exploring roads you'd never otherwise venture.
The database has a plethora of hotels, motels, restaurants, and sights to see.
If you drive much here you gotta get it!

[Nawty]

How much did it cost ?

[slackula]

here are the babes on hua hin beach...

Bit of a cheap shot to put up pics of anonymous tourists for a cheap laugh really, your threads are normally better than that.

They aren't bothering you so why would you bother them?

[klongmaster]

I think it's very important to have a GPS with the Thailand Navigator loaded in it. This simple device and software opens up a whole new world of stress free motoring. It even makes driving in Bangkok manageable. The GPS allows you to go exploring roads you'd never otherwise venture. The database has a plethora of hotels, motels, restaurants, and sights to see. If you drive much here you gotta get it!

I have a Thai GPS in my car and it's good...it learns, so the first time you go somewhere it's like you're driving across the sea. Next time the road is there. Good that...

Disadvantages are to be found mainly in Bangkok. It often directs you onto roads that you cannot drive on (one way, bus lane etc), especially around the Central World Plaza area...oh and it doesn't 'see' overpasses so will tell you to turn left/right while you're in midair!..

[klongmaster]

Bit of a cheap shot to put up pics of anonymous tourists for a cheap laugh really, your threads are normally better than that.

Sorry SlackOne: think that pic was for my benefit...

[Bobcock]

I don't cheat.....

You take JPG or RAW?...if you take JPG you do cheat, it's just the camera does it for you.... not that I think you are capable of undertanding the difference.

[Nawty]

^From the master cheater......

Sorry SlackOne: think that pic was for my benefit

yes...its Klongies fault.

Bit of a cheap shot to put up pics of anonymous tourists for a cheap laugh really, your threads are normally better than that. They aren't bothering you so why would you bother them

Its their fault...if they were not so fat, we would not laugh.

But you did not complain about the chick with the bod in the blue suit...so its ok to put skinny chicks up....but not fat ones.

Some people like fat chicks and this is for their benefit.

Wonder if i should put all the other ones up on Patong beach then ?? Got loads.....there are more cute ones than fat ones, so less laughs if you look at it like that.

I think as long as I put up more skinny chicks than fat ones, then it should cancel itself out and all will be well with the world.

[PAG]

How much did it cost ?

I have a Garmin Nuvi, of which there are several models ranging between 13-18,000 baht. Great tool. The one I have also provides a 'hands free' facility for the mobile.

[Bobcock]

^From the master cheater......

5555555....I notice you didn't answer the question....

actually I do minimal alteration in Photoshop for most shots, certainly no more and probably less than your camera is doing for you.

Doubtless yours is still set on the factory defaults

[Mr Earl]

How much did it cost ?

I have a Garmin Nuvi, of which there are several models ranging between 13-18,000 baht. Great tool. The one I have also provides a 'hands free' facility for the mobile.

I saw a Garmin Nuvi at Carefour for about 8000 baht, it included the Thailand Navigator.(that's a very good deal, I paid about 15K for my Garmin 276C and an additional 12K for the Thailand Navigator about 4 years ago)
The poor salesperson didn't speak a word of English so I couldn't get much info. I would expect it to work in either English or Thai, but I'm not sure.

[Nawty]

Ok, the next day, the second bit….

We wake early, wandered to the beach for breakfast and an hour or so of swimming before a leisurely departure time of around 10am.

The beach down here was deserted, nice to see no umbrellas, nor deck chair, or a tout selling ice creams, foam planes, mystery meat on a stick or any other such annoying crap…..well, not really annoying as some of it is quite useful and handy. Its is nice to not have to wander off to go looking for something to eat or drink and especially the ‘dry ice’ cured ice creams. But it is the frequency of each and every knob annoying you to buy shit every 2 minutes that gets to you.

So a lovely and cool early dip in the ocean before another long drive. This time hoping to get to Phuket around 4ish.

The drive down was uneventful, actually there are some nice stretches of road down this way and not a lot of traffic.

We rocked up to our accommodations and had to stay over the road one night as the place we booked for the week was full, not their fault, we arrived a day early so they arranged the top floor 2 bedroom room for us. Was better than I expected pleasantly and had nice views over Patong town and out to the ocean.

But then……I stepped out onto the balcony and looked right….looked left and saw this…..



Seeing this filled me with comfort and a nice warm feeling towards getting a peaceful nights sleep…as long as it don’t rain.

The condo’s in the foreground were built on the sheer edge of this valley of rubble and looked like they also give all of their inhabitants that warm glowing inner peaceful feeling also….I would think any violent shagging in any of these condos would be enough to push them over the edge…..I did not see any lights on in this building at night !!

Living in the mountains and away from some nice treats such as the odd bit of junk food and most importantly, Pizza, we decided to pig out the whole week on foodstuffs we cannot get at home, focusing on seafood. So, my son had already organized the week apparently. Not in specific order, but we had….seafood 3 nights, hungry jacks where my son threatened to wolf down the 4 meat patty whopper…he settled for the double, pizza, Mexican and a couple of other varieties thrown in.



My son developed a allergy to something and we visited the doctor…island doctors are strange down this way…..I had been to an island doctor before in Vanuatu where he prescribed a liberal dose of Kava drinking to send the evil spirits out. Apparently I had been shagging one of the local village girls to much and needed the devil in me released….I had done that already several times meself…..but the doc insisted on Kava.

Now, this Kava was no ordinary Kava, it was the traditional stuff and made traditionally. To make it, a young boy chews up the root in his mouth and spits it into a bowl. It is this bowl full of spittle and root that they add the water to and mix and settle, this is the real stuff and crikey it tastes like shit. But feels pretty good, first thing you notice and the last…is your nips noing all num n new nannot nalk noperny nike nis….but you can dance real good later at the local disco….

Anyway…enough sidetrack…island doctor, yes he prescribed an isolation environment for my son for a couple of months. I thought it was a bit excessive, but we were willing to give it a go….we hired the bubble as buying it outright was a bit much. Here he is getting put into it…



Here after the third day he looks a bit despondent, he forgot to put any toys in there with him.



But after the fifth day he had learnt he can have some fun on his own and he settled into it like a boy in a bubble.



Still to come….beatches on the beach….early morning dips daily……AOTY08 tries on her new cossy !!!