A day in the life...

[VocalNeal]

just get the PSA blood test.

You don't even need a doctor or a tissue for that . Just a local Lab.

[Looper]

The pic of your rusty wheelbarrow cleared you of all OCD

You wanna watch that Stumps...

Pulling one of them on the gardener was what did for Mendy's lumbar, so I heard anyway!

[helge]

A treat and cheer up for Mendip

[Edmond]

Where is Ol' Mendo?

Still in post-coital bliss?

[Mendip]

Ask for the one with the smallest fingers.

Or the biggest....who can guess Mendy's preferences?

I'll ignore that, Topper.

Actual photo of my dog getting a finger up the bum.

Your 'dog' only seems to have the one expression... is this happy, sad, startled or relaxed?

He must have a good temperament. You try sticking a finger up Yogi's bum and he'd take your hand off, and who could blame him?

I rather think you have had too much time on your hands of late, being confined to quarters and immobile, and consequently you have become prey to dark thoughts and dare I say hypochondria.

Why are you worrying about your prostate?

I worry about everything these days, SA.

But, I rather think you're right. I am also in the midst of getting a Will drawn up and have been having 'dark thoughts'... but you try Korat for five weeks straight with no work and a wife like mine.

I don't have any noticeable prostate symptoms... don't wee particularly excessively, no pain etc but I just think it's about time I had it checked. Despite my appearance in photographs I am in fact 56 and I think it's time. My father also passed with prostate cancer (it didn't kill him) and that makes me think as well.

Pretty sure he said he's doing it because he will be at the hospital getting his back checked, so might as well do a bit of a full-service while there.

That's exactly right... sort out back problem, get my old inguinal hernia checked out and get my prostate checked out.

So, 9am yesterday...



The good wife kindly drove me in, but after around 3o minutes in the hospital I could see that she was annoying anyone we had dealings with, in only the way she can, so I fukked her off and said I'd get a taxi home.

I don't know if anyone else finds this... I am perfectly happy communicating myself with nurses and doctors in their pigeon English. I have a smattering of Thai and we get on fine. The wife is fluent in English and so insists on getting involved... but she starts gabbling on in Thai. The nurse etc gabbles back in Thai and I am left sitting there in the middle of this like a right twat. This annoys me intensely, so, like I said, I fukked her off but she didn't seem all that happy about it.

Anyway, I saw the back doc and he is almost certain that this is muscular. There's no pain running down my legs which would suggest sciatica... a slipped disc/nerve damage and also the fact that it has been steadily improving since last Sunday indicates muscles. He said if it doesn't improve or gets worse to come back in a week for an MRI, but he didn't think it necessary just yet, and then he sent me off to the 'Rehabilitation Centre'. This is great news... I should be fine for offshore work in a few weeks and also, I've had one of those CT Scans before and I hated it. My claustrophobia really got triggered.

At the Rehabilitation Centre a lovely, dainty nurse massaged in some gel before performing ultrasound massage and then laser therapy on my back. I don't know exactly what she did but it made a vast improvement, so much so that I've booked another session on Monday.

What a bunch of prudes. Many a bloke does not mind a pinky up the bun from a nubile young lass.

Ain't that the truth. My rehabilitation nurse "Tao, from Khon Kaen" would have been more than welcome to stick a finger wherever she liked, or even a whole hand, for that matter.

(Tao also stuck some tape to my back. I was supposed to be getting a back brace but they didn't have my size and they had to order it. I just got the daughter to take a pic of this tape so I could see what it looks like because despite feeling a lot better, I can't turn my head around too far).



After my therapy I went to see my hernia doc. He fixed an inguinal hernia in 2018 and after cutting and moving some tree branches back in June, the hernia area has been aching and bothering me. I thought at first it was just a groin strain but 3 months is a long time, so I wanted this checked out to alleviate more worry.

After a rummage about my nether regions the doc confirmed that there was no hernia and it must indeed be a groin strain. He suggested that there was maybe a bit too much weight down there for the groin muscles and I strongly suspect he was hinting at penis reduction surgery, but I didn't want the embarrassment of talking about it in front of the nurse, so left it at that.

My quest for a finger up the bum wasn't successful but I went to the Wellnesss Centre for info and will be booking in a full check-up once my back has improved. No finger, but this includes ultrasound down there, and a blood test. Maybe the only way I will get the finger is by visiting Armstrong's vet?

The Wellness Centre recommended the 20k Baht 'Ultimate Male' check-up. It's been a long time since anyone called me that.



And that was it. After a 'Mixed Mushroom Pie and Latte...



...I got a taxi home. It will be some time until I'm wai-ing as low as the Korat drinks bear but my back was certainly feeling a hell of a lot better sprawled in the back of that taxi.



So much better that in the afternoon I drove for the first time since last Sunday to pick up the kids... and had my first ever accident in Thailand.

There's a junction near us where people try and jump the long queue and cut in from the 'Right-Turn only' lane, and after my dealings with the wife I was just in no mood to yield, so held my ground... and this little red Honda thing scraped down my side as it tried to cut in.



We pulled over and this young lad emerged form the car, wai-ing me and gabbling on. I offered him my glasses as way of response but he didn't seem to understand my sarcasm. In fact he didn't seem to understand much at all and I don't think he even realised that he was in the wrong lane and cutting in. I think he was just cluelessly driving forward. Anyway, as this happened right outside a police box we soon had three of Korat's finest join us, all gabbling on in quite an amiable way, taking pictures and phone numbers. One of them called immigration... which at first worried me but it was only to find an English speaker. They were on about my insurance hot-line number... all seeming to accept it was the young Thai guy's fault.

And despite him being to blame, in the end I just had enough and said fukk it, 'Mai be lai'. I just couldn't be bothered and the scratch will mainly T-cut out anyway, if I can ever be bothered. The only real damage is to the front, offside wheel arch but it's been a long time since I worried about the appearance of our 2006 Hilux Vigo.

And that was my day in Isaan.


By the way... has anyone had any experience/can make recommendations of one of these office kneeling chairs? I have a friend with a bad back and he swears by them. My back is feeling better now and will hopefully steadily improve but sitting for long periods will be painful and I think I should get one.

[DrWilly]

Should have at least extorted the little shit for a few 1000 baht.


Farang ba!

[Ghost61]

...I got a taxi home. It will be some time until I'm wai-ing as low as the Korat drinks bear but my back was certainly feeling a hell of a lot better sprawled in the back of that taxi.



Tao must be good if you were able to sit on the back of that red motor cycle taxi & take photos at the same time.

[malmomike77]

^^ 2 points re the chair. At work they provide whatever office kit is needed if someone requires special chairs etc - I've never seen one deployed. Secondly, you are going to need a bigger duffle bag.

[Reg Dingle]

If you hike your pants up, theres a tic tac toe board there, with a starter nought in the centre bottom

[BLD]

Was that blue coffee mug a gift from the wife mendy?

[malmomike77]

If you hike your pants up

You mean down and i'd rather he didn't coz you just know the end of the tape running vertically on the left finished on his nut sack after making like a G string

[Joe 90]

Judging by your camouflage pants it begs the question, did you go commando for your check up Mendy?

[katie23]

@Mendy - you order cafe lattes with fancy leaf designs? I thought "real" men drank black coffee only?! (note: espresso is acceptable too) Minus 30 guapo (hansum) points in my book!

Oh, and if you're getting a checkup, I'd say go for the "ultimate male package". Sounds more impressive than a "regular" package. Heh.

As for that comp chair - no idea. Maybe get one of those ergonomic chairs? Or the chairs that (video) gamers use - the ones with lower back support? (I dunno)

[Reg Dingle]

[Edmond]

They didn't have a back brace his size 5555





Sorry Mendo.

[Topper]

While looking a kneeling chairs on shopee (thanks for that Mendy!) I ran into another option for your sore back...

[Mendip]

^^ Yeah well, in the land of dwarfs the one eyed guy is king, or something like that.

Anyway, I sent my 12 year-old daughter up to your place to help out with the DIY, she's pretty good at that stuff. Maybe she can also help you with the upper shelf drilling if you can't reach?

Was that blue coffee mug a gift from the wife mendy?

Yeah, she's good like that... nothing better than a nautical coffee mug.

I even get to use it at weekends. It's about the only action I get these days.

Judging by your camouflage pants it begs the question, did you go commando for your check up Mendy?

Didn't need to mate, the hernia doc told me to whip them down anyway. I must admit that it was a mistake to wear my dinosaur boxer briefs. I like them but the doc looked a bit nonplussed.

@Mendy - you order cafe lattes with fancy leaf designs? I thought "real" men drank black coffee only?!

Oh, and if you're getting a checkup, I'd say go for the "ultimate male package". Sounds more impressive than a "regular" package. Heh.

Katie, I drink black coffee 364 days a year and yet the one time I drink some poofie 'Lattee' with a suipid leaf design, for photographic purposes only, you pounce?

That was my last latee and from now on, black coffee only.

But what I can't understand... Reg Dingle's pic?

I expect the worst but please explain?

[katie23]

^I looked at the coffee pic again and it's not a leaf, it's a heart design! Which is even more poofie!

If you were a millennial or Gen Z person, it would somehow be acceptable/ understandable... Next thing we know, you'll try to be an "influencer" and ask us to like & follow your posts on Instagram or Tiktok!

Re: Dillinger's pic, I can't figure out if he's referring to a "sick buffalo" situation or if the girl in the pic is inserting her digits into the buffalo, but she has a big grin.

[Edmond]

How much is 22,000 pesos?

[Topper]

How much is 22,000 pesos?

Just over 21900....

[Mendip]

I'd say go for the "ultimate male package"

Why, thank you Katie. I rarely get compliments like this these days and I'm way too modest to assume such things. You are obviously a connoisseur!

To be honest, I couldn't decide whether I am an 'Ultimate Male' or a 'Prime Executive Male', but I'll go with 'Ultimate' and save 9000 Baht to boot.

I asked the wife what kind of male she thought I was... but her answer was just plain rude.

Next thing we know, you'll try to be an "influencer" and ask us to like & follow your posts on Instagram or Tiktok!

I'm not a member on 'Insta' or TikTok, although I do look at TikTok now and again, which I'm not very proud about.

After only 5 or 6 years on Youtube I already have 13 subscribers so maybe I'll stick with what I know, although I've yet to 'moneytise' any of this stuff. To be honest, I think at least 10 of those subscribers are my daughter's class mates who just subscribed to take the piss out of me.

[Topper]

at least 10 of those subscribers are my daughter's class mates who just subscribed to take the piss out of me.

I wonder who's idea that was?

[Top Cat]

I tell the daughter to get off her screens and read a book, but she just says, 'Why? You don't'.

PMSL. Barrister in the making.

Regarding the old back. I've had loads of problems with mine spanning some 30 years: chronic sciatica, couldn't walk/shit/piss etc. when it was at its worst and ended up with some nerve damage. Bit of an inconvenience now but doable. You seem reluctant to take medication as was I. However when an episode occurs take some Ibuprofen for a couple of days. If it makes a difference then theres an inflammation problem. If it doesn't then it's not an inflammation problem. Pyhsio told me that many years ago. Unlikely the thing can be completely cured but forms part of a management strategy.

[Mendip]

^ Thanks for the tip Top Cat, I'll get a pack to keep at home.

This morning I went in to see my rehabilitation nurse 'Tao' for more ultrasound massage and laser treatment. She also did what she called 'magnetics' which was quite pleasant as well. The back is loosening up nicely.

Tao has taken to calling me 'Papa', which I can't say I'm all that happy about. She won't be getting much of a tip with a bedside manner like that.


On the way in I had this notification come up on my phone...



I'm admitting nothing, but how the hell would it know if I did take a sneaky peak now and again while stuck at traffic lights? How would it know that the wife wasn't driving? I've never had this before.

[Edmond]

how the hell would it know if I did take a sneaky peak now and again while stuck at traffic lights?

It's linked to google maps, also possibly linked to the account on your in car device, depending what device you have setup in your car.

How would it know that the wife wasn't driving?

Connected to your smart watch and your pulse was lower than 100?

take a sneaky peak

We all know the truth.