An Isaan Pond

[Mendip]

^ That makes perfect sense Ootai.

This is exactly what the forum needs... more expertise and less tedious puerile shit flinging!

I will do as you advise tomorrow.

[Saint Willy]

Tbh the planks don’t need to the cut around the metal uprights… just saying.

[baldrick]

I would screw a small piece

of metal

This is exactly what the forum needs... more expertise and less tedious puerile shit flinging!

there is a man with a koi pond who might need your expertise with using a cast net

[Mendip]

I got meself some 'Turbo' glue at Do Home this morning.

The assistant said it was good for wood... at least I think that's what he was saying... he may have been talking about the weather.

The wood is now in a clamp waiting for the glue to dry which should take about a day. Meanwhile I've Chaindrited and wood stained the freshly cut surfaces and thanks to Ootai and Baldrick have made up a small metal plate to brace across the break on the underside of the plank. Once the primer has dried that will be painted black.

This has probably set back the grand opening by a day, so no biggy.

I'm still pissed off about the imperfection but at least I'll be the only person who knows about it. Once the wood is installed it should be invisible to everyone apart from Maya while taking one of her swims past the jetty.

[Stumpy]

I got meself some 'Turbo' glue at Do Home this morning.

The assistant said it was good for wood... at least I think that's what he was saying... he may have been talking about the weather.

The wood is now in a clamp waiting for the glue to dry which should take about a day. Meanwhile I've Chaindrited and wood stained the freshly cut surfaces and thanks to Ootai and Baldrick have made up a small metal plate to brace across the break on the underside of the plank. Once the primer has dried that will be painted black.

This has probably set back the grand opening by a day, so no biggy.

I'm still pissed off about the imperfection but at least I'll be the only person who knows about it. Once the wood is installed it should be invisible to everyone apart from Maya while taking one of her swims past the jetty.

Hey Mendy, out of curiosity, did you put a couple of wooden dowel pins in, then glue and clamp it? May not be necessary but would have offered strength in case that glue fails being out in the sun all the time.

[Mendip]

^ ummmm...

[Stumpy]

^ ummmm...

I will take that as a BIG FAT NO!......

[ootai]

I will take that as a BIG FAT NO!......

No need for dowels the steel plate does the same thing and then some.
Dowels would be needed if you wanted to try for an "invisible' support system.

No one is actually going to step on it its its final location.

[Saint Willy]

No one is actually going to step on it its its final location.

But now that you have categorically stated that...

[helge]

No one is actually going to step on it in its final location.

Wanna bet ?

[Stumpy]

^

No one is actually going to step on it its its final location

But now that you have categorically stated that...

Wanna bet ?

^

[Mendip]

Unlesd I'm going to start practising my swallow dives from the corner of the jetty we should be ok.

But as I've discovered, that Ya Dong is evil stuff...

[Stumpy]

Actually what I see happening, somewhere down the road that piece will fall off and Mendy will find it floating in the pond. Then what he can do is drill a few long pilot holes and use a few long wood deck screws to secure it back.

[Mendip]

It won't be floating anywhere with the steel plate attached.

Before drilling those pilot holes I'll have to don my snorkelling gear and dive down to find it.

[Mendip]

I checked the glued wood this morning... who needs fancy long wood deck screws?

Invisible repairs "R" Us...



Just don't look at the underside.



So... a day later than planned but good to go.

The plan was to position and secure the first and last plank, and then to evenly distribute all the intervening planks to ensure regular spacing... and then secure the lot.

Easy!

But it was so awfully hot today...

The first and last planks were meticulously positioned, as was the bar top which I clamped into place.



A squirt of Chaindrite/wood stain mix was fired down each hole before the self-tapping screws were screwed in using the cordless screwdriver.



Because I probably have a couple of kilos on the gardener it was his job to screw in the screws while I stood on the plank to provide a firm anchorage and prevent any movement.

Only it soon became apparent that the bastard Bosch 'Professional' power screwdriver was fukked. The battery would only hold enough power for a couple of screws at a time and even then it struggled to get the self-tapping screws through the metal. The spare battery was no-where to be found... it took an hour and a half to get the first three planks secured, which was only eleven screws.

Most of the time was spent waiting for the battery to charge.



But eventually the job was done... but now it was 11am and and as hot and humid as hell. And I was pissed off.



Still... soldier on.

I lay out the remaining 18 planks of wood, and for the first time had an impression of what the finished jetty will look like. I must admit it was a bit sparser than I hoped... but I don't really know what I expected.



And there was one glaringly obvious problem...



I had kind of trusted to luck that the the planks would fit around the diagonal upright with just a small cut to be taken out of two adjacent planks which could then be screwed down.

But no... even with a few more minor adjustments to even up the gaps, the inescapable fact was that it was going to be impossible to secure the last plank of wood. It landed slap bang in the middle of the diagonal support.



I mean... for fuks sake.

I'm now going to have to cut this planks short and weld on a couple of small noggins to screw the wood down into. These will require priming and painting... a job for later... I've had enough for today.

Oh... and I'll have to get a new cordless screwdriver... another trip to Do Home.

The new estimated completion date is Wednesday... if everything goes well.

Oh... and in the sunlight my repair wasn't quite as invisible as I'd thought. I'm now thinking if I get any more problems with this plank of wood I'll just cut it short as well, and weld on a couple of corner noggins to screw the wood down into.



But that's for the future.

[baldrick]

4 home made 90 degree brackets screwed into the underside and people will marvel at your skill in placing a post in the middle of the wood

[lom]

4 home made 90 degree brackets screwed into the underside

welded to the left and right inside of the jetty beams, primed 3 times and lacquered 2 times..
Did someone™ guess Friday?

edit:
if you also weld brackets on the outside of the beams then you can fasten the wood cutoffs in them so that all planks look like they are of the same length.
Monday!

[Stumpy]

it took an hour and a half to get the first three planks secured, which was only eleven screws.

I stopped right there Mendy as I had to clear my eyes from laughing so hard.

[lom]

Oh... and I'll have to get a new cordless screwdriver... another trip to Do Home.

Nothing wrong with the Bosch one, you need 2 new batteries.

[Mendip]

^ I've had trouble finding batteries as it's a few years old model.

[Saint Willy]

The spare battery was no-where to be found... it took an hour and a half to get the first three planks secured, which was only eleven screws.

What a pain in the arse.

And there was one glaringly obvious problem...

Sorry,

[Saint Willy]

I think you need to extend the pier on either side to create a space large enough for seating area.

[baldrick]

welded

if he welds there is a big chance he will blow the paint off under the steel of the plate which will be a rust point

if he uses suitable screws this can be mitigated with paint injection as he screws

I think you need to extend the pier on either side to create a space large enough for seating area.

I think your see-saw idea has merit

this pissed will get dunked in the pond

[Stumpy]

I think you need to extend the pier on either side to create a space large enough for seating area.

I agree KW and a cover to keep the sun off.

[Steady]

I mean... for fuks sake.

I'm now going to have to cut this planks short and weld on a couple of small noggins to screw the wood down into. These will require priming and painting... a job for later... I've had enough for today.

Oh... and I'll have to get a new cordless screwdriver... another trip to Do Home.

The new estimated completion date is Wednesday... if everything goes well.

Oh... and in the sunlight my repair wasn't quite as invisible as I'd thought. I'm now thinking if I get any more problems with this plank of wood I'll just cut it short as well, and weld on a couple of corner noggins to screw the wood down into.

You are too much of a perfectionist mate.

It's no Brighton Pier is it?

I have a sweaty arse lying here, feeling like I've hammered in every fucking nail and primed, painted and sawed all 19 planks of wood.....and re-sawed them again

It looks lovely mate, stop beating yourself up and get back in the Aircon.
Its too fucking hot too stand on that fucking thing anyway