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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Fishing in Issan

    Having found that the fridge was decidedly lacking in the particulars required to construct a sound and nutritious breakfast, I forewent the usual five rounds of fried egg, bacon and sausage sandwiches, each smeared with half a pint of HP sauce and saddled up my bicycle which has recently come out of retirement with a view to make its reluctant owner somewhat less of a large, pointless vegetable.

    My destination, as always in times of crisis, was the local shop where if one is lucky, something that resembles edible fare may be happened upon whilst rooting through the cascade of filth that the shop-keeper has the sheer gumption to put on display – although it does, for reasons totally unfathomable to the contemporary human palate, get purchased and consumed. I, on the other hand, would prefer not to wake up in a puddle of my own filth and eventually opted for a packet of Mama Noodles which I ate dry from the bag after applying the accompanying condiments. Washed down with a five baht bottle of coca-cola, this made for a totally unsatisfactory way to break-fast, so I quickly surmised that I should call for back-up as a shot glass and a small bottle of Lau Khao appeared on the table after a knowing glance was exchanged with the proprietor; yes, this would surely bring some closure to the repast.

    Of course with the sacred liquid now present, it was only a matter of time before I noticed a posse of peasants whose forte included sporadic bouts of unskilled labour and the unyielding consummation of Ya-Dong, heading excitedly in the direction of my face. More glasses were produced and soon the steady flow of alcohol began to divert my attention from the whoft of decay which seemed to be seeping from the pores of my new drinking companions.

    Communicating with an animated series of grunts, the chaps began to tell me of their plans for the day. The morning would be spent staggering to the nearest lake, making sure they were suitably intoxicated by the time they arrived and an afternoon of fishing would ensue.

    With a shove in the right direction from the Lao Khao, I began to vocally reminisce my teenage years which in one way or another always seemed to feature a ‘rod in hand situation’ – be it waiting patiently for a roach to take a chomp of bait or wanking profusely over episodes of Home and Away.

    Although fishing for me was never really about the fish, no, it was the relaxation and escapism factors that went with it which I was attracted to. A pint of maggots in one hand, three litres of Old English Cider in the other and an ounce of extremely powerful cannabis safely ensconced in my tackle box, all ready to be nibbled, quaffed and inhaled within the uncontested English countryside, the only distractions coming in the form of elderly dog-walkers making observations such as ‘lovely day for it’ or ‘that’s a long cigarette’.

    Back in the present and I decided to challenge the gentleman about their angling technique; what kind of fish were they hoping for; did they use floats or ledgers; what was their preferred hook size; did they require a landing net; did they pre-bate the swim; did they feel the maggot trumps the worm?

    My questions were met with looks of puzzlement as one of the chaps produced a pair of fucking electric tongs from a carrier bag, immediately making all of my previous queries academic. Having just romanticized my teenage angling experiences I felt a touch deflated when I realized that these people were going to plunge a pair of electric charged rods into the lake and electrocute every fucker living in it.

    One man’s leisure is another man’s lunch, I managed to reason before ordering ‘one more of those bottles of filth for me and me mates please, bar-steward’.

  2. #2
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    alwarner's Avatar
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    superb.

  3. #3
    splendid and tremendous
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    ^ Ta mate. I'd imagine you'd see similar at your local lake..

  4. #4
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    I haven't - but I'm sure if I asked the brother in law he'd laugh in the affirmative.

    I was taken back to stoned summers in the UK as a teenager though.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    did they pre-bate the swim;
    I'm sure they've mastered that.

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by WilliamBlake View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    did they pre-bate the swim;
    I'm sure they've mastered that.
    You're probably right, but I'd confer with the captain first..


  7. #7
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    Let's here it for self-sufficiency....
    Not.

  8. #8
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I realized that these people were going to plunge a pair of electric charged rods into the lake and electrocute every fucker living in it.
    I hope they wear sturdy rubber boots, like the Dukes wellingtons.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    I hope they wear sturdy rubber boots, like the Dukes wellingtons.
    Oh indeed. There's an awful lot to be said for a robust rubber boot.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    I hope they wear sturdy rubber boots, like the Dukes wellingtons.
    Oh indeed. There's an awful lot to be said for a robust rubber boot.
    As they're difficult to locate these days.
    Amazing [not really] what they can do with synthetics.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    wanking profusely over episodes of Home and Away
    Sophie did have a fantastic pair of tits!
    Well, luckily I didn't have any tortoises on me at the time...

  12. #12
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by jizzybloke
    Sophie did have a fantastic pair of tits!
    Did she look good in wellies?

  13. #13
    The Dentist English Noodles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Did she look good in wellies?
    Fuck knows, he fancied Bobby.


  14. #14
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by jizzybloke
    Sophie did have a fantastic pair of tits!
    I think Sally was the one with the knockers, although she was pretty much on the 'pay no wank' list..I preferred the blonde sorts with the denim shorts and bikinis who liked to flick their hair about the place..

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by jizzybloke
    Sophie did have a fantastic pair of tits!
    I think Sally was the one with the knockers, although she was pretty much on the 'pay no wank' list..I preferred the blonde sorts with the denim shorts and bikinis who liked to flick their hair about the place..

    Sally was the foster ma i think.

    Sophie:


  16. #16
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by alwarner
    Sally was the foster ma i think.
    No that was Pippa. If there was ever a cause to abruptly stop in mid-swing, it was the sight of that old bint.

  17. #17
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    ....so what's all this have ta do with Isaan fishin'?

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by alwarner
    Sally was the foster ma i think.
    No that was Pippa. If there was ever a cause to abruptly stop in mid-swing, it was the sight of that old bint.

    You're right. Sally did indeed have massive norks.

  19. #19
    sabaii sabaii
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    Quote Originally Posted by alwarner
    superb.
    Yep agree


    Quote Originally Posted by jizzybloke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by somtamslap
    wanking profusely over episodes of Home and Away
    Sophie did have a fantastic pair of tits!
    I think he means Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter, come on we've all done it

  20. #20
    sabaii sabaii
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    Was steve irwin ever in home and away

    Wow I was wrong, there was someone who looked just like him though

  21. #21
    Newbie GuttaPercha's Avatar
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    > the only distractions coming in the form of elderly dog-walkers making observations such as ‘lovely day for it’ or ‘that’s a long cigarette’.

    Wonderful!
    Last edited by GuttaPercha; 18-10-2011 at 06:09 AM. Reason: formatting again

  22. #22
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    Fishing in a Chiangrai Village

    One day some very load noises were heard and on investigation there were a couple of guys throwing hand grenades in the local big lake/pond. Many loaded pickups made a quick gettaway before the BIB arrived.

  23. #23
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    ^ Kind of like micro-waving for quick results...

  24. #24
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big Gary
    there were a couple of guys throwing hand grenades in the local big lake/pond.
    Posh bastards..

  25. #25
    splendid and tremendous
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    This is what they use round our way..



    Instruments of torture and beer Chang in the same venue - not a good combination.

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