Buddhist Marriage Ceremony

[Finzean100]

[quote=rickschoppers;1849864]My thought is to wait another couple of years before thinking about marriage. Also, try to spend as much time as you can with her and her family to get some idea of what you are getting yourself into. This advice is not only for Thailand, but any country. Marriage is a HUGE step and takes a lot of work and understanding. If you are lucky enough to find a honest woman that wants to marry you for nothing else than love, you have struck it rich. If they are not honest, here are some signs that are telling you to get the fvck out:

1. Asking you to buy gold for her in the first few months of the relationship.
2. Asking for money for a sick family member.
3. Talking about building a house over 2 million baht.
4. Not taking you to meet her parents and family.
5. Numerous phone calls and giggles while not telling you who she is talking to.
6. If your girlfriend has a "fat" bank account.
7. Has she worked in any of the tourist resorts? If so, what does she state she did?
8. Asking to use your ATM.
9. Knowing other ladies of the night.
10. Wanting to get married within the first year of meeting her.

Good Luck!![/quote


Thanks for your,
Input.I am not interested in the Bar scene (fortunately) on the few occassions I have been I have met too many Falangs who make Thai's low opinion of us appear totally understandable!!

[Finzean100]

Thanks to those who replied, you have given me quite a lot to think about.As anyone reading my thread will have perceived I am a self confessed and unrecunstructed Cynic.Although I have only lived in Thailand for 2 years the Men I have met who have lost everything to a greedy Thai Family,and those whose stories I have been told of are Legion.

I have gradually and sadly concluded that the two Cultures are mutually incompatable.I subscribe to the school of thought which beleives that most Thai's view Westerners with a mixture of Disdain/Dislike, Amusement and opportunity!!

The above does not mean I dislike Thai's I find there cheerfullness,particularly those who very obviously have a hard life quite humbling.I am in awe of the love they have for there
own or indeed any one elses young Children.

My Girlfriend is by no means poor,she lives in her own House which her Mother bought for her some 18 years ago.Her Brothers all run successful Businesses,I think One would describe them as being prosperous Working Class.

She has 2 Sons 13 and 15 they go to a good School for which their Mother has to pay quite a lot.Her Vietnamese Husband,the Boys Father took off several years ago.As a typical Thai Mother she runs herself ragged spoiling these lazy little Sods.

On finding her scrubbing vast mounds of laundry by hand I bought her a large Washing Machine.This month I am thinking of getting her Air Con for the Bedroom where she sleeps on the floor while the two Boys sleep in a bed,the house actually has 2 bedrooms!!

My Girlfriend regularly suggests that I go live with her and the Boys.This I will not consider as within a Month I would Murder the Boys or More likely they would do me in!!So I see my Woman as and when,which I think quite suits both of us,I have my own apartment and dip in and out of their life occassionally.This Week I will attempt to Barbque Steaks for the Boys and me( my Woman eats horrible Issan food!!)

I think had the Boys been younger things may have been a lot easier,as things go we have a fairly mistrustfull relationship!!My Girlfriend obviously sees Marriage as a step toward greater financial commitment from me,combined I think with a desire to appear more respecable to other T:banhim1:hai's.

I am not so foolish as to wish to come between a Thai Mother and her Sons (something no Falang ever should or could acheive!)

So the Marriage would in fact be essentially cosmetic,my Girlfriend has her life I have mine.Hence my question about a Buddhist Marriaige,if this would please her and her Family without threatening my Finances I see no reason not to do this.

I am aware that this all sounds a bit superficial,but the facts are,I am in a relationship which I value highly.I very much doubt that the Lady Loves me,she loves her Children,she likes the sex,I think she has been shortchanged in this department previously.

Like most Thai's my girlfriend believes all Falangs are rich,and I am sure that had I not come along,any other Falang would have been considered.I actually feel rather sorry for my Lady as she is constantly appraised by her Customers of the vast ammounts they are getting out of their particular Falang!!Whilst I pay her a very modest Monthly stipend.

All the above may appear to make the question of actually getting Married seem rather foolish!! I would argue however that I have a better relationship with my Woman than many of the Falang trapped in a house in a Village somewhere with a Thai Family who see him as an ATM.

And I know my relationship is vastly better than that of the Falangs I see wandering around Town holding hands with a hopelessly young Thai Girl, Unable to communicate,both parties looking deeply miserable!!

[koman]

Thanks to those who replied, you have given me quite a lot to think about.As anyone reading my thread will have perceived I am a self confessed and unrecunstructed Cynic.Although I have only lived in Thailand for 2 years the Men I have met who have lost everything to a greedy Thai Family,and those whose stories I have been told of are Legion.

I have gradually and sadly concluded that the two Cultures are mutually incompatable.I subscribe to the school of thought which beleives that most Thai's view Westerners with a mixture of Disdain/Dislike, Amusement and opportunity!!

My Girlfriend is by no means poor,she lives in her own House which her Mother bought for her some 18 years ago.Her Brothers all run successful Businesses,I think One would describe them as being prosperous Working Class.

She has 2 Sons 13 and 15 they go to a good School for which their Mother has to pay quite a lot.Her Vietnamese Husband,the Boys Father took off several years ago.As a typical Thai Mother she runs herself ragged spoiling these lazy little Sods.

On finding her scrubbing vast mounds of laundry by hand I bought her a large Washing Machine.This month I am thinking of getting her Air Con for the Bedroom where she sleeps on the floor while the two Boys sleep in a bed,the house actually has 2 bedrooms!!

My Girlfriend regularly suggests that I go live with her and the Boys.This I will not consider as within a Month I would Murder the Boys or More likely they would do me in!!So I see my Woman as and when,which I think quite suits both of us,I have my own apartment and dip in and out of their life occassionally.This Week I will attempt to Barbque Steaks for the Boys and me( my Woman eats horrible Issan food!!)

I think had the Boys been younger things may have been a lot easier,as things go we have a fairly mistrustfull relationship!!My Girlfriend obviously sees Marriage as a step toward greater financial commitment from me,combined I think with a desire to appear more respecable to other T:banhim1:hai's.

I am not so foolish as to wish to come between a Thai Mother and her Sons (something no Falang ever should or could acheive!)

So the Marriage would in fact be essentially cosmetic,my Girlfriend has her life I have mine.Hence my question about a Buddhist Marriaige,if this would please her and her Family without threatening my Finances I see no reason not to do this.

I am aware that this all sounds a bit superficialb,but the facts are,I am in a relationship which I value highly.I very much doubt that the Lady Loves me,she loves her Children,she likes the sex,I think she has been shortchanged in this department previously.

Like all Thai's my girlfriend believes all Falangs are rich,and I am sure that had I not come along,any other Falang would have been considered.I actually feel rather sorry for my Lady as she is constantly appraised by her Customers of the vast ammounts they are getting out of their particular Falang!!Whilst I pay her a very modest Monthly stipend.

All the above may appear to make the question of actually getting Married seem rather foolish!! I would argue however that I have a better relationship with my Woman than many of the Falang trapped in a house in a Village somewhere with a Thai Family who see him as an ATM.

And I know my relationship is vastly better than that of the Falangs I see wandering around Town holding hands with a hopelessly young Thai Girl, Unable to communicate,both parties looking deeply miserable!!

Have to admit I thought your original post (and question) was a bit ridiculous, but now that you have explained the situation in much more detail I think you are being very sensible and realistic about things. It goes without saying that far too may farangs arrive here and rush into things before they really have a chance to understand the pitfalls. No shortage of suckers for the cute smiles and "hansom man" BS thats for sure....result is frequently a walking ATM.

You seem to have made a sound assessment of your situation and have the good sense to protect your assets. Good luck with your final decision...whatever it may be....

[Carrabow]

Give it another 18 months and then decide, one way or the other.

Sound advice. I got married to my old women after 4 years of being with her..not quite sure why, just fancied a monstrous piss-up I suppose. We had the obligatory 'Thai Wedding' which I had experienced through friends before so I knew what was coming. Which is probably the reason I set my alarm for 4 am, nipped over to the shop and got semi-leathered on award winners to drown out the tedious chanting of the monks, which goes on and on and on and on...

You forgot about the excruciating pain of kneeling on that goddamn dried rice, almost quit through the ceremony

[rickschoppers]

[quote=Finzean100;1850217]

My thought is to wait another couple of years before thinking about marriage. Also, try to spend as much time as you can with her and her family to get some idea of what you are getting yourself into. This advice is not only for Thailand, but any country. Marriage is a HUGE step and takes a lot of work and understanding. If you are lucky enough to find a honest woman that wants to marry you for nothing else than love, you have struck it rich. If they are not honest, here are some signs that are telling you to get the fvck out:

1. Asking you to buy gold for her in the first few months of the relationship.
2. Asking for money for a sick family member.
3. Talking about building a house over 2 million baht.
4. Not taking you to meet her parents and family.
5. Numerous phone calls and giggles while not telling you who she is talking to.
6. If your girlfriend has a "fat" bank account.
7. Has she worked in any of the tourist resorts? If so, what does she state she did?
8. Asking to use your ATM.
9. Knowing other ladies of the night.
10. Wanting to get married within the first year of meeting her.

Good Luck!![/quote


Thanks for your,
Input.I am not interested in the Bar scene (fortunately) on the few occassions I have been I have met too many Falangs who make Thai's low opinion of us appear totally understandable!!

Who's talking about the "Bar Scene?" I was talking about any Thai lady that you think you might be in desperate love with. Sign #9 was probably poorly written and should have said, "Know any ladies of the night." You don't have to be one to know their tactics and even the old ladies of the village know how to strip a westerner of his wealth. Your comment about meeting too many Falangs making fools of themselves is spot on, though.

If I read your commets right, it sounds like you are not sure if you even love this lady. You are feeling more sorry for her and can not tolerate her two children and how they treat her, correct? If you are in it for the sex, then you are doing what those poor Falangs are doing but probably not paying directly for it. You are paying indirectly by buying a washing machine and probably food and clothes, so where is the difference? If this is just a casual sex thing, then I understand, but how did it morph into a conversation about marriage?

[Finzean100]

I entirely agree with you,and I am sure that there are literaly Thousands of Falangs,who have built a lovely home,and who have come to an understanding with the Family.You are quite right in observing that these people for whom the Thai Adventure is actually working are seldom heard from!!

[Finzean100]

Thanks Koman, Your observations gel with my feelings.

[hazz]

^You do seem to have a very realistic view of the nature of your relationship and are going about life the right way for a foreigner in thailand. Lets face it honest people don't expect others to trust them without reason, and they want the dignity of financing their own life through their own work. So may be you have been lucky

One thing I have noticed is that relationships which are based on sex and little else don't survive much more than 3 years. after which the hormones wear off and love stops blinding them to the fact that they have nothing in common. On that basis; a religious marriage would be ideal... it keeps that family happy etc and you can both wait a few years to see how stable the relationship is before either of you commit with a legal marriage.

ive seen quit a few middle class thai couples use this two stage marriage in bangkok, only going legal when children are on the way.

[setaputra]

After having a think about what the OP wrote, I disagree with many of you. He should get married to this lovely Thai lady.

Hopefully, if the wind is blowing just right, some of his money that he spends loving her may filter down to me...

Now you're talking like a thai, if you pardon the pun

[setaputra]

Go for it.

Just don't invest more than you can walk away from.

You'll get many burned out haters, like on this thread, trying to spread their hate. Pay them no heed.

Great advice

[robinhood]

I married a Thai lady, she is from the suburbs of Bangkok. She has never been interested in bars or drinking. She has little and wants little. She just wants to be loved. I give her respect and devotion and she returns the same.
I am verry happy and we have been together 10 years.
If you look in the right places you will meet a wonderful woman...But in Pattaya, not much of a chance. Good luck with all your relationships!

[ota]

[quote=Finzean100;1850159]Thanks to those who replied, you have given me quite a lot to think about.As anyone reading my thread will have perceived I am a self confessed and unreconstructed Cynic.Although I have only lived in Thailand for 2 years the Men I have met who have lost everything to a greedy Thai Family,and those whose stories I have been told of are Legion.

I have gradually and sadly concluded that the two Cultures are mutually incompatible.

It is true, in my own experience that if left unmanaged a disagreement can turn violent, especially with the temper many Thai women are said to have. There are similarities to the Farnag/Thai marriages and there are the differences that come with different marriages.My first marriage was with a women of the same age and religion. My second was with the much younger babysiter who was Puerto Rican. By far the most best thing I've done is marriage to a Thai women 22 years younger. We are a very close family with two little boys.I love her Thai ways and accent. I don't argue or try not to. She needs security more than I so I try and let her win. If she was wrong usually she'll apologize when she has calmed down. I trust her completely with my money (which is now hers also especially after 12 years married.) Even though she is quite conservative she makes me feel 20 years younger when we are intimate. She can't live in Thailand because the family would forever be at our doorsteps with pleas for money for a bewildering and constantly created emergencies. A move may come later. In the meantime it seems half of Thailand is living within 50 miles of Albany NY. I've left her life insurance that will take care of her and the boys after I am gone.
A woman will either build her husband up or break him down from disloyalty. After having the type that will become your enemy that you sleep with, I now appreciate not having to worry about my wife's loyalty. And when she tells me she loves me it's because I think,of all the little things that make up a loving relationship, not the big obvious stuff like cars,houses and bank accounts.

[Finzean100]

In Fact I live In Issan,I put in Pataya as a Joke!!

[jks]

I married a Thai lady, she is from the suburbs of Bangkok. She has never been interested in bars or drinking. She has little and wants little. She just wants to be loved. I give her respect and devotion and she returns the same.
I am verry happy and we have been together 10 years.
If you look in the right places you will meet a wonderful woman...But in Pattaya, not much of a chance. Good luck with all your relationships!

Thx, your not alone - I too married a Thai lady and she also has little and wants little, especially for herself. Never asked for money for herself, only wants love, respect and freedom together with me, normally don't care what others think!

I took the "test" from Rickchoppers:

My thought is to wait another couple of years before thinking about marriage. Also, try to spend as much time as you can with her and her family to get some idea of what you are getting yourself into. This advice is not only for Thailand, but any country. Marriage is a HUGE step and takes a lot of work and understanding. If you are lucky enough to find a honest woman that wants to marry you for nothing else than love, you have struck it rich. If they are not honest, here are some signs that are telling you to get the fvck out:

"1. Asking you to buy gold for her in the first few months of the relationship.
2. Asking for money for a sick family member.
3. Talking about building a house over 2 million baht.
4. Not taking you to meet her parents and family.
5. Numerous phone calls and giggles while not telling you who she is talking to.
6. If your girlfriend has a "fat" bank account.
7. Has she worked in any of the tourist resorts? If so, what does she state she did?
8. Asking to use your ATM.
9. Knowing other ladies of the night.
10. Wanting to get married within the first year of meeting her."

In my case the result is: No. 1 to 9 is NO, No. 10 is YES - and we live a fantastic life in the jungle of Isaan, is only married the Thai-Buddhist way (yet) and have a nice/beautiful home buildt for less than 1 million baht! Before she had to run away from her thai man (violence/treats/alcohol/mia noi's etc) she had two thai food restaurants and two big houses in Bangkok - and has never been falling into any of the discrete "traps" I set up for her in the beginning. 100% honest, trustworthy and never argue about money. And she's great fun too ;-) ...... but then again she is thai so sure its not without problems caused by cultural differences and misunderstandings.

[chassamui]

Imagine for a moment that you have never been to Thailand, just heard the usual rumours.
Now imagine it is your best mate telling this story, asking for your advice.

When i met my girlfriend she had a dog. The first time it pissed on my floor it was banished to the garden.

Since then she understands me, and also understands that although i am a westerner, she cannot fuck around with me.

It seems she is leading you by the nose into a situation which can only get worse for you.

Lay down the law, set your stall out so she is in no doubt who is in charge, No need for violence or disagreements. Just make sure she knows what to expect, and sand firm on it.

I put my foot down once in a while and say "NO". She sulks for a while and then comes around. It may sound a bit hard faced, but it works a treat and we both know where we stand.

Good luck.

[Stinky]

Lay down the law, set your stall out so she is in no doubt who is in charge, No need for violence or disagreements. Just make sure she knows what to expect, and sand firm on it.

It's been my experience that a great many thai girls are only able to express their displeasure in a violent manner, verbally arguing their point doesn't even occur to them, I don't think it's a lack of education thing either, more cultural.

[chassamui]

verbally arguing their point doesn't even occur to them

I have heard tales of such violence stinky.
Fortunately for me, mine prefers to sulk and i enjoy the peace and quiet.

[Poisian]

...many years ago. Took me for everything I had.

I said I'd never get married again and stayed single for twelve years.

Then I met my Thai spouse. I give her all the money. She does whatever she wants and has turned our money into a small fortune. I do whatever I want, too.

I guess it doesn't matter what race you marry into. It all depends on the individual. Looks like I picked the right one. Lucky me.

[Stinky]

verbally arguing their point doesn't even occur to them

I have heard tales of such violence stinky.
Fortunately for me, mine prefers to sulk and i enjoy the peace and quiet.

You're a lucky man chass she sounds a lot nicer than the ones I chose to hook up with. more than a few of my girls have been more than happy to try knocking me about, my friends ex wife used to attack him in his sleep with any weapon she has to hand, I still have photos of his battered and bloodied face after she took a piece of strip aluminium to him one morning. Another friends ex would deliver a swifft kick to his nuts if he had incurred her displeasure in any way.
Luckily for them they saw the light and divorced

[CaptainNemo]

In Fact I live In Issan,I put in Pataya as a Joke!!

Tee hee.

What exactly is the difference? Most of the tarts in Pattaya are from Isan.

You're basically having a "stream-of-consciousness" rant about "Tai peepul", thinly-veiled as asking everyone if they think you should sign a long-term business lease on your AIDS-free Isan whore. Do you walk up to people in pubs and ask things like this?

It's not even a decent trolling attempt (...go on... bite )

[terry57]

There are the odd trustworthy Thais out there but finding them is like panning for gold, the key is to look in the right places .

For sure that is the smart thing to do and would up the Odds, but in reality I'd just go the Buddhist wedding, keep a tight reign on my money and only rent a gaff.

If it goes tits up one just walks away. Very easy in my mind. No probs at all.

[DavidARoss]

I married a Thai lady, she is from the suburbs of Bangkok. She has never been interested in bars or drinking. She has little and wants little. She just wants to be loved. I give her respect and devotion and she returns the same.
I am very happy and we have been together 10 years.
If you look in the right places you will meet a wonderful woman...But in Pattaya, not much of a chance. Good luck with all your relationships!

I agree with you as I am legally married to a Thai lady and have never been happier. She has a daughter age 9 and a son age 6 who I love as if my own. They are well mannered children and consider me as their dad,their own dying of an illness when they were younger. We live in the country on a dirt road away from the village ,the nearest house being 1 kilometer away. It's very peaceful here and rarely does a car or motorcycle go by. Her family treats me with respect and never once have they asked me for money or for anything else. Her mother also gave us for FREE a small piece of land on which we currently reside. There are decent Thais ladies out there who have never been to Phuket or Pattaya or have never seen the inside of a bar. Good luck to all the others with their bar girls.

[Patangko]

Lay down the law, set your stall out so she is in no doubt who is in charge, No need for violence or disagreements. Just make sure she knows what to expect, and sand firm on it.

It's been my experience that a great many thai girls are only able to express their displeasure in a violent manner, verbally arguing their point doesn't even occur to them, I don't think it's a lack of education thing either, more cultural.

They know the lose when verbally arguing their point.

[ltnt]

You say you give her, "a modest amount every month." so what separates you from those you find disdane for? No difference in you and the absent German diver except you remain in Thailand while paying for sex on demand. You seriously need to re-evaluate your circumstances not others. As other posters have stated, move on to the next bar girl.
History shows that if you don't marry her Thai style or other she'll keep you around until she finds a suitable Farang replacement. Even if you marry her there's no guarantee she still won't be shopping around for a replacement. So options discussed, its a no brainer in my book.

"Money talks and bullshit walks."

[Finzean100]

In Fact I live In Issan,I put in Pataya as a Joke!!

Tee hee.

What exactly is the difference? Most of the tarts in Pattaya are from Isan.

You're basically having a "stream-of-consciousness" rant about "Tai peepul", thinly-veiled as asking everyone if they think you should sign a long-term business lease on your AIDS-free Isan whore. Do you walk up to people in pubs and ask things like this?

It's not even a decent trolling attempt (...go on... bite )

You are also a complete and utter Knob!!!