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  1. #1
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    Ghosts and Evil Spirits

    It is my aspiration to immerse myself into the Thai culture. Presently, I am sitting in my house, sipping a bowl of bamboo soup and snacking on fried crickets and wasp grubs, I pride myself in knowing I am Immune from all forces of evil and ghosts of the forest. I have a three layered defense. I went to the Wat (temple) and sought out the head monk. I informed him I was told to consult with him about what should be done before moving into my new house. He said he would like to see it first and would return the following day and give me the proper advice.

    The Wat was located nearby, across an open field. This was good. A lot of monks live there and would be ready in case of an emergency. They didnít have a telephone but I figured a loud yell across the field would get their attention. The head monk and I left the Wat, holding hands, and walked across the field to my house. I suppose holding hands is the custom. It wasnít my idea. After a detailed inspection, the monk told me he would come back in the morning and tell me what was needed to immunize my house against evil spirits and ghosts of the forest.

    The next morning the monk arrived with an assistant. He said his assistant was an expert on such matters and came highly recommended. I gave the monk a Pepsi. Most Thais prefer Pepsi over Coke. I was glad, though living a short time in the country, I had gained such knowledge. We sat in the shade of a mango tree and watched the expert perform his duties. He walked around the house counting his steps, then across the yard, then diagonally across the yard, then again diagonally from another corner, all the time counting his steps. He wrote down something in a little notebook and informed the monk he was finished. The monk said he would come early in the morning and immunize my home, and for a small donation to the Wat, he would throw in some good luck as a bonus. My language abilities regarding Thai are really quite limited. He talked to my neighbor who spoke some English and asked him to tell me what preparations I should make for the immunization.

    My neighbor told me I should have lots of good food prepared and invite all the neighbors. I needed to purchase a ghost house and its occupants. I paid several ladies in the village to prepare the food and my neighbor graciously accompanied me to the ghost house store. It had many sizes and varieties. The salesman said the little ghosts who were to live in the house would be much happier in the more expensive model. I was informed that the little ghosts who would live there were good ghosts and would protect me from the big bad ones in the forest. I figured the happier they were the harder they would work. I bought the deluxe model.

    Next it was time to buy the little ghosts. They were made of china and about three inches tall. I was told, even though they were little, they were really strong. I bought a mamma, papa and a baby ghost. The salesman said the little ghosts would like some pets, I bought a little dog and cat. The salesman showed me a little cow and said they would like it also. I bought it. But why a cow? I donít know. We loaded my purchases in the back of my pickup and brought them home.

    The expert arrived early before the monks. He looked at his notebook and told me where the ghost house had to be placed. I wanted to know why it had to be there in that exact spot. I asked around but no one knew. The expert couldnít speak English and I never found out. The ghost house was installed at the appointed place. It looked like a little pagoda on a pole. The expert put my little ghosts in the house and told my neighbor to tell me what to feed them. I put a banana, some candy and a bottle of opened strawberry soda, with a straw on the porch of the pagoda. I was warned that I should never under any circumstances move the ghost house to another location or the little ghosts wouldnít like it.

    The expert left and shortly after, ten monks came marching across the field to my house. They went into my living room and sat down in a row, cross-legged on the floor. All the neighbors came in and plates of food were placed in front of the monks. They held up in front of their faces what looked like Ping-Pong paddles, only a little larger with some kind of design on them, and started chanting. They chanted for a half hour. It was very powerful and blew every evil spirit and ghost out of the house and off the property. Iím glad there were ten monks. I think the more the better. After the chanting, the monks tied a string high up around my house. This was the second line of defense. The first was the little ghosts in the ghost house. The string is like a force field. If the evil spirits or big bad ghosts get by the little ghosts, they will bump into the string and its curtains, instant destruction.

    My third and final defense is the little shrine in my bedroom There are certain things that must be included in every shrine and I have religiously adhered to them. It has a small statue of Buddha and a little black baby. I donít know what the little black baby is for and donít know why it has to be black. Why not a little white baby? I donít want you to think Iím prejudges. Some of my best friends are black. Itís just that being so far away from home, a little white baby would be kind of nice.

    All the shrines have a little black baby. There are two changes of baby clothes and little sox, but no diapers. The little black baby doesnít look old enough to be potty trained. I have observed many shrines and none have diapers. There must be a reason. The clothes are too large for the little black baby who is only two inches tall. All the shrines, just like mine, have baby clothes that are too large for the little black baby. Iím sure if someone would take the trouble to make clothes tiny enough to fit the little black baby, he would be happier, but no one does.

    The little black baby must have toys. Among them are several little cars, a little sailboat and a toy airplane. The toys are too big for the little black baby to play with. I could stuff him in the toy cars or sailboat if I had to. He wonít fit in the airplane. I also have an incense burner. Ghosts and evil spirits hate the smell of incense. I bring food to the Buddha and little black baby but I never see them eat it. Before it spoils, I eat it myself and bring them fresh. I have a lot of other stuff in my shrine, too numerous to list but they are all important.

    I write little wish notes for the things I want and put them in the shrine. Last Monday, I wrote a note, wishing to win the lottery. The drawing was on Friday and I didnít win. I was really pissed and considered tearing down the shrine. I changed my mind when I realized that the Buddha and the little black baby probably couldnít read English. Iíll have my wish note translated into Thai for the next lottery. I donít know why I didnít think of it before.




    The little black baby is hiding behind the bananas.





    Photo on next page


  2. #2
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Good stuff.

    Did you used to be a disc-jockey?

  3. #3
    Fuck it
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    Seriously WTF?

  4. #4
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    Quite strange, but interesting first post.

  5. #5
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    I think Somtamslap has a bit of literary competition here.

  6. #6
    Fuck it
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    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer View Post
    I think Somtamslap has a bit of literary competition here.
    I'm not sure but I reckon its a copy and paste job. I have read something very similar to this before but its driving me nuts as I can remember where.

    Then again I may be wrong and if I am, agreed great writing skills if not a little strange for a 1st post.

  7. #7
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    You're right ! .... a quick Google reveals :
    Short Story: Ghosts and Spirits of Thailand by Bill Donnell | Bibliofaction
    which is a short story by Bill Donnell, whose username there is also Finkland.
    He's copied and pasted his own story.

    Good on you, Bill. Got any more ?
    Last edited by Latindancer; 22-07-2011 at 02:58 PM.

  8. #8
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    My main protectin against ghosts is not fķcking believing in them.

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat Bobcock's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alwarner
    My main protectin against ghosts is not fķcking believing in them.
    Works for me too, seem to have the kids on board as well.

  10. #10
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    So welcome Bill Finkland Donnell!!
    Nice yarn - only on TD can you be accused of plagiarizing your own story!!

    Similar experince but the Grandmother (bit of a local spiritual entity on these matters ) decided that the ghost houses should be located on the 2nd level of the house blocking the view from our sala. For Tb500, the second adviser was able to locate it exactly in the right spot in the garden as planned with minimal negotiations!
    PS The second adviser told us that the ghosts are happy but the cheap cigars made with the offering mysteriously dissapeared on the 2nd day after the blessing.


    Quote Originally Posted by alwarner
    My main protectin against ghosts is not fķcking believing in them.
    Too true, now just convince the wife and we're all happy!!

  11. #11
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer
    Bibliofaction
    Just joined up. I hope they aren't adverse to a barrage of sexual expletives..

  12. #12
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer
    Bibliofaction
    Just joined up. I hope they aren't adverse to a barrage of sexual expletives..

    Looks like your Friday nights entertainment is sorted out then.

    Are you going to give them both barrels, or ease them in with a single shot?

  13. #13
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by alwarner
    My main protectin against ghosts is not fķcking believing in them.
    There's also alot to be said for potent rectal gas. Think again, Mr. Spector..my arse trumps your ghoul power all day long..

  14. #14
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Are you going to give them both barrels, or ease them in with a single shot?
    I thought I might introduce myself with a short anecdote about how flatulence can deter evil spirits..

  15. #15
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    Surely the black baby represents Obama, for He is everywhere?
    I would post pictures but life's too short.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bobcock View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by alwarner
    My main protectin against ghosts is not fķcking believing in them.
    Works for me too, seem to have the kids on board as well.
    Now if i could only persude the Mrs. that my wallet was haunted...

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by khmen View Post
    Quite strange, but interesting first post.
    Not strange, but common.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by khmen View Post
    Quite strange, but interesting first post.
    Not strange, but common.
    I know its quite common for Thais, but the ritual itself is quite strange and I havent heard a farangs take on it before...poor choice of words maybe.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    how flatulence can deter evil spirits
    Its all in the preparation.

    What have you been eating today?

    What foods give the most "potent" spirit gas?

    Any particular "utterings" required prior to the release of said noxious/fragrant release?
    A tray full of GOLD is not worth a moment in time.

  20. #20
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    When you think about it, flatulence CAN deter evil spirits by suddenly making mundane, that which is thought to be supernatural. It brings people back down to earth and back to the moment........ back to laughter instead of fear.
    Last week, I let loose such a sudden ripper while lying quietly in bed, that my wife got a fright and actually threw her arms in the air.
    I still tease her about it and we have a laugh.
    I'm afraid I've corrupted her somewhat and she sometimes lets loose a loud one which she previously would have sneaked out silently.
    Last edited by Latindancer; 23-07-2011 at 08:42 AM.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by khmen View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by khmen View Post
    Quite strange, but interesting first post.
    Not strange, but common.
    I know its quite common for Thais, but the ritual itself is quite strange and I havent heard a farangs take on it before...
    Depends laregely on one's circle and exposure.

  22. #22
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    Not to change the topic but with respect to the location of a 'Spirit House' what I have read suggests that being both in-then-out of sunlight at certain times of day were primary considerations.

  23. #23
    Member stu's Avatar
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  24. #24
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    Great read. I was thoroughly entertained and am looking forward to future submissions by this author.

  25. #25
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    Lang may yer lum reek...

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