What a bastard species of reptile snakes are turning out to be. In fact, all reptiles can jolly well fucking simultaneously evaporate themselves from the interface of my existance. I used to like geckos until they made it a hobby to loiter above my head and shat on me, twice in the same week surely can't be a coincidence..as Axl Rose once screamed, "THERE OUT TO GET ME!"
So there I was cruisng the country lanes of rural Thailand on my trusty steed ( I love her again now, she took one for the team, actually thinking about it she may have saved my life), when my mobile communcation device (some call it a telephone) rudely interupted my finely creased slacks by buzzing like a fucker. Yes, yes, yes..you horrible fucker, I get it.
Being one of the more sensible citizens of this country, I pulled over into a ditch to take the call.
Some 30 or so seconds into it, out of the corner of my right eye I noticed a large black slithering thing heading with intent across the road in my fucking direction, as in right towards me.
Being about 5 feet long it didn't take long for it to reach me and I quickly back pedalled the stationery bike to avoid it.
As soon as I started to move the fucking bastard lunged at me, so I back pedalled a bit faster, Fred Flinstone stylee and left my Wave's front wheel face to face with this lunatic reptile.
I can tell you that if the bike's front tyre was human it would've expired within minutes, because this fucking snake was HAVING it.
A good six bites later and it buggered off into a nearby thicket.
Slightly shaken, but of course not stirred, I sparked a smoke and carried on with my phone conversation.
Such is the life of a country dweller.
But this is war..