Mrs benbaaa decided recently it was time to spruce up our spirit houses and generally make some improvements to encourage some lottery wins or something. She contacted a friend, who put her in touch with a friend who knew someone whose brother could sort us out. The guy turned up - looking just a little bit gay, it has to be said - and took a wander round the house. He scratched his chin, mumbled to himself a bit, walked around and made some notes. The result was a shopping list of stuff for us to buy at the market. Mrs bb duly went off on a spree while I watched some more Dexter.
This morning, he turned up with his sister, and both checked over the goodies. Satisfied that everything was in order, they retired indoors to change into white clothes. They started by dusting off the spirit houses, removing dead jingjoks, and decorating the houses with fresh flowers, candles and incense.
Then it was time to tie some coloured nylon round the legs, 'cos obviously you can never have enough coloured nylon.
After that, obviously the spirits were in the mood for some nosh, so we supplied them with enough fruit to sink a cargo ship.
Next, our three mutts were clearly not up to the job of deterring burglars and picking out lottery numbers, so it was time for the lions to make an appearance.
^ This one's the daddy, on the right hand gate post. You can tell he's the male 'cos he's got his foot on a ball.
^ This one's the female, on the left gate post. Seems to be disciplining the nipper (under her right paw).
Then it was time for the new mirror. This was my favourite bit 'cos it meant I had to get my nice Makita drill out and drill a hole. I like drilling holes.
Once everything was in place, the guy sat down and started burping loudly. Then he hunched over and began shaking. This was the sign that he had been possessed by the spirit of an old man, wise as the ages in matters of hocus pocus and mumbo jumbo. There followed five minutes of mumbling with palms pressed together, candle-lighting and incense burning. Some more burping and the old fella went back to his home somewhere on a cloud or in a tree and the young guy was back with us. Money changed hands, to compensate him for all his trouble, and now me and Mrs bb are waiting for a fortune to land in our laps. This will be generously shared around among fellow TD contributors on condition that they first send me pictures of their (fit) wives and girlfriends with no clothes on.
Toodle pip!
benbaaa