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Thread: Mumbo Jumbo

  1. #1
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    Mumbo Jumbo

    Mrs benbaaa decided recently it was time to spruce up our spirit houses and generally make some improvements to encourage some lottery wins or something. She contacted a friend, who put her in touch with a friend who knew someone whose brother could sort us out. The guy turned up - looking just a little bit gay, it has to be said - and took a wander round the house. He scratched his chin, mumbled to himself a bit, walked around and made some notes. The result was a shopping list of stuff for us to buy at the market. Mrs bb duly went off on a spree while I watched some more Dexter.

    This morning, he turned up with his sister, and both checked over the goodies. Satisfied that everything was in order, they retired indoors to change into white clothes. They started by dusting off the spirit houses, removing dead jingjoks, and decorating the houses with fresh flowers, candles and incense.



    Then it was time to tie some coloured nylon round the legs, 'cos obviously you can never have enough coloured nylon.



    After that, obviously the spirits were in the mood for some nosh, so we supplied them with enough fruit to sink a cargo ship.



    Next, our three mutts were clearly not up to the job of deterring burglars and picking out lottery numbers, so it was time for the lions to make an appearance.



    ^ This one's the daddy, on the right hand gate post. You can tell he's the male 'cos he's got his foot on a ball.



    ^ This one's the female, on the left gate post. Seems to be disciplining the nipper (under her right paw).

    Then it was time for the new mirror. This was my favourite bit 'cos it meant I had to get my nice Makita drill out and drill a hole. I like drilling holes.



    Once everything was in place, the guy sat down and started burping loudly. Then he hunched over and began shaking. This was the sign that he had been possessed by the spirit of an old man, wise as the ages in matters of hocus pocus and mumbo jumbo. There followed five minutes of mumbling with palms pressed together, candle-lighting and incense burning. Some more burping and the old fella went back to his home somewhere on a cloud or in a tree and the young guy was back with us. Money changed hands, to compensate him for all his trouble, and now me and Mrs bb are waiting for a fortune to land in our laps. This will be generously shared around among fellow TD contributors on condition that they first send me pictures of their (fit) wives and girlfriends with no clothes on.

    Toodle pip!

    benbaaa
    The sleep of reason brings forth monsters.

  2. #2
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by benbaaa
    they first send me pictures of their (fit) wives and girlfriends with no clothes on.
    Check your pm.
    Quite why i had to get naked to send the piccs is a bit of a mystery .

  3. #3
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    bugger

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    Quote Originally Posted by benbaaa
    This will be generously shared around among fellow TD contributors on condition that they first send me pictures of their (fit) wives and girlfriends with no clothes on.
    I was just about to, but it appears I don't have your email address.

  5. #5
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    Liar.

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    top read , thanxs

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    Quote Originally Posted by benbaaa
    Liar.
    Not at all. I really don't have your email address.

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    Thailand Expat lom's Avatar
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    ^ TD has it an can give it to you..

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    Quote Originally Posted by benbaaa
    'cos obviously you can never have enough coloured nylon.
    Ahh. Nylons. Remind me of when i was a youth.
    Taken by mouth, from the thigh of a rather splendid wench, who would rather be leant forwards at a jaunty angle to allow an ease of entrance that lubrication alone will not suffice.
    Fortunately for my optician, i was twanged in the eye.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by lom
    TD has it an can give it to you..
    I have sent Mr Benbaaa an appropriate piccie.

  11. #11
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    Your spirit house seems to be missing the proverbial packet of tailor-mades....among other items.

  12. #12
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    ^^
    Can't see the strawberry fanta bottles either

  13. #13
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    Enjoyed Benbaa, but dont hold your breath waiting for pictures.

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    good one mate hope you jag the lotto or the wife gets pregnant or whatever is supposed to happen

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin View Post
    Your spirit house seems to be missing the proverbial packet of tailor-mades....among other items.
    Quote Originally Posted by Khun Custard View Post
    ^^
    Can't see the strawberry fanta bottles either
    Or the Pigs head

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rural Surin
    tailor-mades
    Er, what's a tailor-made? Do you mean a shirt or a suit or something?

    :thicko:

  17. #17
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    ^

    cigarettes as opposed to roll your own

  18. #18
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    Nice thread and pictures. I am always amused by the thai superstitions.

    thanks

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    Actually, I forgot to mention the fake tiger skin waistcoat he wore during the bit when he was pretending to be possessed by the spirit of the old man. Don't know what that was all about, but don't particularly care as long as the dosh starts flowing.

    Must remember to go out and buy a ticket though.

    Sorry I didn't get pics of him in his costume. Mrs bb warned me not to laugh, so I thought taking photos might be even more of a no-no.

  20. #20
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    LOL , could you imagine the amount of work he would get in the area if your missus was to win the lottery.

    Maybe she could strike up a deal with him for a percentage of earnings if she spreads the word of a big win.

    Only problem being that half the family would be around to share in the win as well.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by storm1fishing
    Only problem being that half the family would be around to share in the win as well.
    What makes you think they would find out?

  22. #22
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    Smile

    Come now , you know thai's could never keep a secret like that.

  23. #23
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    Some of the items are related to feng shui.

    The mirror is used to reflect bad energy. You'll often see one attached to a gate of a house at the end of a road or at a junction.

    The lion on the ball is used to attract a virile new man to the household. Often used when a family wants to get rid of a daughter or when the wife wants a new shag.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by benbaaa
    pretending to be possessed
    what he was faking it i'm astounded

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    Sally

    Iam moving to Thialand for a while with my family & I can tell you they saw you coming, the bagua mirror was made up in 1980, the lions are for a business not a home, the offerings are for those that believe in a culture not superstition. So he did a number on you guys-some Feng Shui & mixed with hocus pocus. If you are going to win the lottery you need to activate your $$ in the home & it has to be your time to win in your destiny, yes this does sound hocus pocus but this works, this is how Dynasty were forged in old times. Good luck anyway.
    Super Sally

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