Girlfriend's mother has just lost major face

[Tubtaywun]

The property is safe, well, as well as it can be in LOS, and the suggestion to get her away from Thailand for a while is a very, very good one that was made earlier. I will seriously consider this but as everybody knows, money is tight

Best thing I did was bring my wife to my own country...she never settled here but did learn how it works and more important how hard I work to get the money. Word obviously got back coz everything changed after that time.

[albarb]

[quote=redbaron;was. And we'd been an "item" for some years.... just my 2 bob's worth...

OP.. I'd run.Or lay down the law. Something like my girl (at the time) told her family... "This guy's going to give me a better future than any Thai guy. Don't fuck things up by making ridiculous demands." They respected her for that.[/quote]

So, miracles do happen in LOS?

[DrAndy]

the consensus here is that money plays an important part in ones relationship here in Thailand in order for it to be a, can I say - success?

That only tells you about the type of people replying to you.

Do you think in the majority of farang/thai relationships that money is not an important factor?

I've no idea about the majority, how could I know about that? I don't believe anybody else knows either, of course that doesn't stop people making sweeping assumptions about something they couldn't possibly know about. It is, though, a common coping mechanism for people to convince themselves that the terrible thing that has happened to them also happens to the majority of other people - it's a way for people to absolve themselves of their mistakes.

Certainly in most of the Thai/farang relationships I know about money is of no more, and no less, importance than in a Thai/Thai or Farang/Farang relationship. I know a large number of Thai/Farang couples, in almost every case both of them contribute to the family income.

Yes, obviously there are a number of Thai/Farang relationships in which one of the partners is basically a paid companion, equally obviously there are a large number in which that is not the case. Neither you nor I, nor anybody else, is in a position to make any general statements on this. There might be a consensus among some posters on here that their partners are leeches, they have my pity for that, but there is no wider consensus. Some people are in genuinely loving, mutually supportive, relationships, some are not - that's really all anybody can say with any degree of certainty.

spot on

It is a very common phenonemon for non-thinking people to make judgements based on their own limited experience

and maybe it is because they are not thinking very deeply, they are the ones who get the money problems with their partners

[DrAndy]

The driving force behind your girlfriends need to help the family with money etc, is also based on the Thai Buddhist mumbo jumbo. If the daughter serves the family, or her husband, conscientiously her whole life, she will be fortunate in the afterlife and be reborn as a man.

That makes you wonder why girls in other Asian countries with other religions also feel exactly the same need

[GoodMyFarang]

whats most of time a real problem is that farangs not make clear what the acpect, I married long time to my wife, what I did and I can just advice everyon eof you to do it too.

After we married, I call her mother and father, bought them a nice dinner, and asked one of my Thai Lawer friends to join us, after dinner was over I told them very clear and direct in Thai

--> I married your doughter, and exept the brige gift (30k THB) dont expect anything at any time from me, not ask for it or try to put my wife under pressure.

Additional to this I made a health Insurance for Mom and Father of my wife and pay it every year until dead, it cost not realy much money but it lift my status in family very high because I take care for it....

And in now 15 year it cost me every year 60k THB and so far not 1 Satang more.....................

Just make clear you will not give anything, if wife still with you you are on right way

Dont say, yes dirak I take care you, she understand I take care you and family, its normal here

GMF

[Bob63]

Dont say, yes dirak I take care you, she understand I take care you and family, its normal here

Good advice

[hazz]

Additional to this I made a health Insurance for Mom and Father of my wife and pay it every year until dead, it cost not realy much money but it lift my status in family very high because I take care for it....

Essentially you have admitted to reality that if something serious happens to her parents you are going to have to help out; its not like you say; I told them I wouldn't give them any more money, I don't care if they have cancer is it. And paying for this upfront with insurance is very sensibility mitigating the risk.

Qudos

[ItsRobsLife]

The driving force behind your girlfriends need to help the family with money etc, is also based on the Thai Buddhist mumbo jumbo. If the daughter serves the family, or her husband, conscientiously her whole life, she will be fortunate in the afterlife and be reborn as a man.

That makes you wonder why girls in other Asian countries with other religions also feel exactly the same need

Let me re-phrase that for you.

That makes me wonder why girls in other Asian countries with other religions also feel exactly the same need

[Rural Surin]

Dont say, yes dirak I take care you, she understand I take care you and family, its normal here

Good advice

Perhaps. What is normal here is an instinctive familial extension. Something not enjoyed in Farangville, less understood.

[DrB0b]

Perhaps. What is normal here is an instinctive familial extension. Something not enjoyed in Farangville

Then you have a very limited experience of relationships in the Western world. Certainly in most European and other "Western' countries the extended family is of the utmost importance. The idea that westerners don't appreciate family relationships should be treated with the same contempt as the idea that all Jews are greedy, that blacks are stupid, or that all Muslims are suicide bombers. It's just ignorant bigotry. You might have a chip on your shoulder about westerners but you need to remember that it's us Westerners who made sure that monster like Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler, Tojo, and Stalin didn't rule the world. We died in our millions to stop them. Yes, we might be a little confused about the right thing to do but at least we worry about the right thing to do. If it wasn't for us ignorant westerners most of the rest of the world would be slaves, living at the whim of despots. The very fact that you are free to question western society is a product of western society. Care to criticise the Government of China, or the rulers of Malaysia, Singapore, or Thailand? Let's see how far that gets you! Yes, many ordinary Westerners might be ignorant savages but cumulatively our culture has civilized the world, individually we might be thugs but as a civilization we are head and shoulders above the dictatorial murdering savages that claim to offer any alternative.

[taxexile]

ive only read the initial post on this thread so i dont know how the story has panned out.

but if you want to really know the daughter, then study the mother.

[Takeovers]

Yes, we might be a little confused about the right thing to do but at least we worry about the right thing to do.

Worth quoting.

[Muadib]

Perhaps. What is normal here is an instinctive familial extension. Something not enjoyed in Farangville

Then you have a very limited experience of relationships in the Western world. Certainly in most European and other "Western' countries the extended family is of the utmost importance.

Sadly, this is not the case in the US anymore...

Disclaimer: My anecdotal experience only...

[DrB0b]

this is not the case in the US

My anecdotal experience only

Do i really need to point out the logical flaw there

[Loy Toy]

Then you have a very limited experience of relationships in the Western world. Certainly in most European and other "Western' countries the extended family is of the utmost importance. The idea that westerners don't appreciate family relationships should be treated with the same contempt as the idea that all Jews are greedy, that blacks are stupid, or that all Muslims are suicide bombers. It's just ignorant bigotry. You might have a chip on your shoulder about westerners but you need to remember that it's us Westerners who made sure that monster like Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler, Tojo, and Stalin didn't rule the world. We died in our millions to stop them. Yes, we might be a little confused about the right thing to do but at least we worry about the right thing to do. If it wasn't for us ignorant westerners most of the rest of the world would be slaves, living at the whim of despots. The very fact that you are free to question western society is a product of western society. Care to criticise the Government of China, or the rulers of Malaysia, Singapore, or Thailand? Let's see how far that gets you! Yes, many ordinary Westerners might be ignorant savages but cumulatively our culture has civilized the world, individually we might be thugs but as a civilization we are head and shoulders above the dictatorial murdering savages that claim to offer any alternative.

Worth a read that one BOb.............

Great post.

[Marmite the Dog]

our culture has civilized the world

I thought you were a Paddy?

[larvidchr]

^^ yes he has got a way with words our DrBob makes you feel very good about being a "Westerner"

Western society's are very different though, yes it is true we care, but what we care about most is not always the same, in northern Europe generally family ties is maybe not as all important anymore, and family members do certainly not unconditionally get our support at all times, in southern Europe family has a much stronger place maybe due to the fact that religion plays a stronger role in southern European society's and certain traditions and economic factors, like sharing a multi generation family home and old age pension size.

The condition that no elderly parents in northern Europe is dependent on their grown up children's economic support is a contributing factor to the truth that family ties plays a somewhat lesser role in the fabric of society today. Children have for years not been conditioned to the task of supporting their parents in old age, and likewise parents do not have to put up with their grown up children if they turn out to be shitheads and very good friends have become more important than say ants, uncles and cousins with whom you have nothing but a bit of blood in common.

But making up for it, is that we all seems to care more and more about our community and society as a whole, and tend to be willing to contribute greatly to shared community services and state benefits for the common good of all our countrymen.

There is undoubtedly even quite localized area differences, for-instance in Ireland where religion still plays a major role and recent long serious conflicts probably have caused family's to stay/pull close together, as compared to say southern England or Scandinavia, where family now is of lesser importance than before in earlier times, and religion is pushed way back in importance and significance.

I used to live in southern Europe for a while and found the stronger family relations quite heartwarming compared to Scandinavia, likewise i find Thais devotion to their parents (those that really do) and their sense of obligation and respect something that we could do with a bit more of back home, without going overboard that is

[nidhogg]

You might have a chip on your shoulder about westerners .

Nah - he is just a tool.

As noted elsewhere however, good post.

[forreachingme]

they want the party, they pay

nothing to do with anyone else




By Dr Bob post 53, good one!

[Rural Surin]

Yes, we might be a little confused about the right thing to do but at least we worry about the right thing to do. If it wasn't for us ignorant westerners most of the rest of the world would be slaves, living at the whim of despots. The very fact that you are free to question western society is a product of western society.

You're very amusing sometimes Bob, in all your seriousness. What a load.

[hazz]

^could you expand of why you feel this way?

[DrAndy]

The driving force behind your girlfriends need to help the family with money etc, is also based on the Thai Buddhist mumbo jumbo. If the daughter serves the family, or her husband, conscientiously her whole life, she will be fortunate in the afterlife and be reborn as a man.

That makes you wonder why girls in other Asian countries with other religions also feel exactly the same need

Let me re-phrase that for you.

That makes me wonder why girls in other Asian countries with other religions also feel exactly the same need

OK maybe it is "I" who wonder why you post such nonsense about the Thai religion when exactly the same set of circumstances occur with other religions in neighbouring countries

I can understand why someone with little knowledge may jump to incorrect conclusions, but not why they cannot address the real facts and learn a little rather than being nitpicking and pedantic

[DrAndy]

Yes, many ordinary Westerners might be ignorant savages but cumulatively our culture has civilized the world

on the backs of the Greeks, Romans and Arabs

[Marmite the Dog]

Yes, many ordinary Westerners might be ignorant savages but cumulatively our culture has civilized the world

on the backs of the Greeks, Romans and Arabs

On the backs of Sumerians, African tribesmen, Neanderthals...

[grasshopper]

[quote=Bruno;1704764]

The driving force behind your girlfriends need to help the family with money etc, is also based on the Thai Buddhist mumbo jumbo.

I thought being Buddhist was to free oneself from all material possessions and worldly goods, including money!

Naaah! Its "to free the falang from all material possessions and worldly goods, including especially money!