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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Skint Again/The Film Extras

    Back in the hazy, angst ridden days of post 'bar on tropical island ownership' which actually might be best described as '3 year mission to rid self of as many brain cells as possible by way of ridiculous amount of alcohol consumption', money was scarce.

    Not scace enough, mind you, to the point of sleeping in sand and dust filled gutters, donned in nothing but a small 7/11 bag to prorect our modesty, but insufficient enough to be a trifle (mmmm trifle) concerned where the next meal was coming from and what form would it take.

    Fortunately, this country specializes in feeding people with barren bank accounts, so what with Mama Noodles, tinned sardines and basic jungle fodder ( papaya, tree leaves, bark, grass etc etc) one could sustain an existence for some 20-30 bt per day.

    But, bollocks to this: I demand to have some beer!!Let me tell you, it's no fun, no fun at all, watching people enjoying their holidays in bars, pubs, restaurants and clubs when your stomach is approximately 1/8th full of tinned fucking fish and you have EXACTLY 3 baht in your short pockets.

    Something needed to be done about this truly demoniac situation, before we go fucking nuts and start licking shop window fronts and stuff..

    Now now..lets think about this plight in a pragmatical fashion..

    DRUG DEALING??? - Hmmm, it is indeed a viable possibility, but other avenues should be explored first.

    BANK ROBBERY??? - Again, a conceivable plan, but we'd need guns and a motorbike, or do they do it with catapults around here?

    BAR LOITERING??? - Scavenge local drinking emporiums for un-manned alcoholic beverages, consume in one stealthy gulp and carry on? Seems the best idea yet.

    But alas, none of these ideas were essentially a means to an end. Infact, each option would lead to our eventual demise one way or another..

    No, there must be another way to furnish our wallets..not that we had a wallet between us of course..

  2. #2
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Another lazy afternoon was being spent perusing a five day old copy of the Bangkok Post. Both easy and cryptic crosswords complete, Sudoko done in less than a minute and that stupid fucking scrabble game completely ignored as usual. As the paper was being folded and replaced on its shelf (we were in a friend's pub), a large, sinister figure loomed in the entrance, walking towards us in a manner which suggested and extremely messy homicide was about to take place.

    As the figure neared us we quickly deduced that fecal spillages were unnecessary and that it was only one of our Turkish chums who was sporting a rather piratesque beard.

    " I have good news for you, my friends" he bellowed in his semi Arabric accent.

    He went on to tell us of a film being shot in a coastal town called Khanon, which is only a 30 minute or so drive from Donsak Ferry Pier, the most popular means of tooing and froing Koh Samui.
    Extras were needed and would be given free board and 1500 bt daily compensation..

    And compensation is about right, it was a traumatic experience..

    Obviously we were now suffering from involuntary orgasms upon hearing this delightful news..'bees in me skyrocket at fucking last'..yeh go figure..
    We (myself and another MEMBER of this board) scrimped the ferry fare together, packed a 7/11 bag full of pants and made our way to a town called Nathon in Koh Samui, where we would catch the 5pm boat which would see us arriving in Donsak an hour or so later.

    We were met at the pier by a bunch of foreign thespian types who lisped at us to board the minibus they had provided. Half an hour later we arrived at our hotel in the very pleasant town of Khanom where we were informed that we should be waiting in the lobby of the bottom end shitehole hotel at 5am for our transiation to the film set.

    Right, now what? Hunger and thirst were present and pockets were decidedly empty..

  3. #3
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    The Ghost Of The Moog's Avatar
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    Green for you, great post. Having been an Extra in Thailand I know how it is. Makes an English teacher seem like a billionaire.

  4. #4
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    Great post, Slap. As always. I'm a big fan - even thinking about getting the t-shirt!

  5. #5
    I am in Jail
    Butterfly's Avatar
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    great story, keep up the good work

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
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    Fortunately my passport was still intact with regards to its visa status, so after an exchange of pleasantries and tales of woe with the receptionist at the hotel, I walked away with 200 bt, my passport having been safely ensconsed in the kind receptionist's pocket.

    We walked with conviction towards the nearest 7/11 and relieved them of 190bts worth of alcohol and two packets of peanuts.

    England were playing Denmark, if my memory serves me correctly, that night, so we were still awake when the minibus angrily beeped in the direction of our room.

    Alright, alright, you rude fuckers, doesn't one get 10 minutes grace around here?

    So, with no sleep under our belts we embarked on the 20 minute journey to the film set of Blackbeard, starring Angus McFadden, who ever the fuck he is..the set makers had actually done a superb job, transforming Southern Thailand into the Carribean..

    Breakfast was first on the agenda and very nice it was too. After weeks of surviving on tinned fish and instant noodles; the bacon, eggs, sausage, beans, tomatoes and mushrooms provided, were met with porcine like ferocity. I'm sure others were staring but 'not giving a flying toss' became flavour of the moment.

    Stomachs full and the wardrobe assistants handed us our garb for the day.

    What?

    Really?

    Are you fucking joking or what?

    You want me to wear THAT in THIS weather??

    So there we were in the 40 degree heat, wearing thick shirts, waist coats, jackets and bandanas. We'd obviously been head hunted to play villagers 26 and 27 respectively.

    For once in my life I wanted to be a Nigerian. Those lucky bastards had been cast as slaves, meaning they wore little more than a loin cloth..(gold and drug smuggling thing not working then chaps?)

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton
    even thinking about getting the t-shirt!
    here you go dk


  8. #8
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    So our job was basically to walk from 'there' to 'there' once an hour. Not the most mentally taxing of tasks but the heat combined with the ensemble that villagers number 26 and 27 were sporting, made for a very fucking uncomfortable day.

    Especially when you're being subjected to the 'stars' of the film being fanned or sucked off in their airconditoned caravans..fucking thespians.

    So the day drew to a close as we finally finished up a scene which included withnall and myself inspecting a bit of timber for the seven billionth time.

    We collected our pay, hit the pub, drunk a modest amount of ale, went back to the hotel at a reasonable hour so we'd be fresh for more walking from 'there to 'there' the following morning and slept deeply.

    Beeep Beeeep...fuck, is it 5 already?

    I managed a 'fuck off you slave driving bastards' and directed my middle finger at the window...I'm not doing that shit again.

    Withnall, however, rose from his pit and went downstairs to inform the casting assistant that villager number 27 kindly requests you stick your waistcoat up your anus.

    Withnall carried on a for a few days and he's actually in the movie..TWICE..one scene in a bar room brawl and the other walking from 'there' to 'there'..

    A few weeks later we could mostly be found in the jungle, eagerly swinging sickles at dense sections of rainforest..

    But that, indeed, is another story..

  9. #9
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    so the acting career crashed and burned mate unlucky hope the snake wrangling goes better.

  10. #10
    ...................
    sunsetter's Avatar
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    great stuff, bravo, i dont know how you can better this though
    ketamine-only fools and horses

  11. #11
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    ^^^^That's excellent, Bobo. Should I PM you my mailing address? And how do I send payment? But, more importantly, are there any granny shirts available?

  12. #12
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobo746
    so the acting career crashed and burned mate unlucky hope the snake wrangling goes better.
    Acting career lasted approximately 10 hours..i reckon I was pretty good though..

  13. #13
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton
    And how do I send payment?
    gimme your banking details i will get my nigerian friends to handle that

  14. #14
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton
    are there any granny shirts available?
    Granny shirts can only be purchased by hardened mob bosses..

  15. #15
    Thailand Expat
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    10 out of 10 man if you decide to write a book let me know i't will be a great read.

  16. #16
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobo746
    if you decide to write a book let me know i't will be a great read
    If he does, the sequel will be written in the Bangkok hilton.

  17. #17
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    ^^^^Thanks. My Nigerians will be in touch with your Nigerians - maybe do lunch.

  18. #18
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    ^^^^UNFAIR!

  19. #19
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Anyone ever seen it..

    It's actually really really shite..


  20. #20
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    ^My wife was an extra in a Van Damme movie filmed in Bangkok years ago. He's a really nice guy, but his movies are pretty much garbage - except for one Foreign Legion one he did which wasn't that bad.

  21. #21
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    I recall getting stuck in a crowd of extras as I was trying to get off a ferry in greece, fookn pain in the ass it was.

  22. #22
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    This was quite a long time ago! I recall this casting being offered around and I left Thailand yonks ago.

    At the time, people in the extras-community (we could only afford the ultra-happy hour beer buffet at Cathouse) didn't know the title save it was about pirates so we thought it might be Pirates of the Caribbean 2.

  23. #23
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Ghost_Of_The_Moog
    This was quite a long time ago!
    Late 2005 I think..
    Quote Originally Posted by The_Ghost_Of_The_Moog
    didn't know the title save it was about pirates so we thought it might be Pirates of the Caribbean 2.
    Probably would've been on more cash if that was the case..

    Lovely setting though..





    Wouldn't mind going for a holiday at some point..

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton View Post
    ^My wife was an extra in a Van Damme movie filmed in Bangkok years ago.
    Kickboxer?

    It's a classic

  25. #25
    Philippine Expat Davis Knowlton's Avatar
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    ^Yep. Might have been it. I remember in one scene she was at ringside. But don't really remember the name of the movie. Would have been made in about '94 or so.

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