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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Case Study: Drinking Habits in Thailand's Issan Region

    Snowmen would be being carefully constructed in the depths of Hell before my morning commute to work wasn't littered with degenerate alcoholics.

    Most come in the form of pedestrians although I have my suspicions that every motorbike, car, lorry, bus and train operator are in a perpetual state of irredeemable intoxication.

    Obstacles negotiated this morning included:

    1. Unconcious gentleman lying spread eagled in the motorcycle lane encompassed by M150 bottles. His snoring was even audible through my motorbike helmet, which is incidentally a real helmet and not a decaying piece of fucking polystyrene which seems to be very much 'en vogue' with so many of the locals..it's even fairly commonplace to see people driving around with a fucking builders hat on..not sure that would cut the mustard in an RTA, all you've got to do is sneeze and the fucking thing would launch 5 feet into the air..but, they're still legal to wear though..mmmm,...*whispers, in a traumatized tone* 'I see retards'..

    2. An elderly lady of some 150 years + who had come to a decision to bring her 5 hour hike across the WHOLE width of the road to a stop where betelnut preparation was now taking place..a deft swerve and I just missed her wicker basket full of utensils..thank fook, else I may have found myself pulling a pestle from the back of my head.
    Listen and listen good..LEGALIZE PCP, Herion, and Crack Cocaine, but for fuck's sake, get Betlenut off the streets..it apparently turns eldery people into unhinged lunatics.

    3. And this is, beyond any reasonable doubt, a daily hindrance..the old 'driving without looking or thinking or showing any signs of normal human interaction and behaviour', apart from the basics of chest beating and excitable grunting.

    Dear Sir/Madam,

    Kindly cast a brief eye, at the very fucking least at the contents of the stretch of tarmac/concrete you are about to penetrate with your 5 billion baht Fortuna or what ever the fuck it is.

    Many thanks etc etc

    Simply Astounded


    Just a trio of examples there but, indeed, I seem to have digressed from the subject matter a smidgen, but it's REALLY fucking easy to digress, everything is relevant you see..so not really diggresing per se, more like talking bollocks, but ho hum, there you go.

    To set the scene for the reason for this analysis of drinking habits (alcohol, not fucking pepsi or coke or red or green or blue water) within Thailand's Issan region; I was returning home after a busy day's doing, well, not a fucking lot really and since 'not a fucking lot really' tends to fatigue and weather even the hardest of souls, I deemed it necessary to stop somewhere and drink beer..when in Rome as they say, but I haven't reached the point of not cleaning my rectum after a happy half hour on the bog, not yet anyway..

    Removing the cap off the beer with a lighter, which makes an extremely satisfying 'POP' if done in the correct manner, I supped away whilst taking in a quite beautiful sunset..here's a pic I took..no, really..you didn't know Issan had a beach did you..



    Well, one can dream can one not..??

    A few minutes later a teenage chap and what I assumed were his younger brothers, arrived at the shop and relieved it of a brace of Leo Beer; one for the teenager and one for the boys..who spoke like Lisa Simpson on crack..in other words, these wee chaps were no older then 10.

    I saw one of them take a hearty gulp which was followed by the words 'Aroi Wa' (Basically: That is fucking nice). A tad taken a back, I decided that a rigourous line of questionning should be administered:
    Said inquiries went something like this:

    Q) Do you go to school?
    A) Go

    Q) Which one?
    A) bla bla bla bla Witthya

    Q) You like beer then?
    A) Like

    Q) How often do you drink it?
    A) Most days

    Q) Do you want some Lau Kau?
    A) Want

    Q) You LIKE lau kau?
    A) Like

    Fuck that...that was enough to see the rest of my beer off in hasty fashion.
    Shit, lau kau fuelled midgets are going to take over the planet..take heed.

    Join me on my follow up to this case study when I will be interviewing a geriatric old bastard whose been surving on a Ya Dong/Betlenut fusion drip fro the past decade..thankfully, I hear she's in a straight jacket..

  2. #2
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    Mr R Sole's Avatar
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    Only in a straight jacket from 8-4am...the rest of the time she's serving up!!! What ever youngsters need!!!

    Talking of oddballs...answer me this quandry.. A young man whose father runs a corner shop..(and not vast) goes away for 2-3mth with his sister...and comes back with a very nice black 'pimped' Fortuna...

    Now, father runs about in a sai-ling (motorbike with crude sidecar) One has a suspicion that he is also selling Ya---just not---Dong..

    There is a guy round my area that drives around with a toothless smile, whilst screaming and thrashing about on his motorbike and generally being rather scary.

    Strangely he seems to stop this behaviour when he spots me on my bike and just raises his famous toothless smile...I'm seriously concerned he's gonna try to pull me over and have a con-flab with yours truly...

    Street crazies are rife here...and most of them have the ability to run shops and shit...

    Scary place...but great place to observe the inbred element of the world..

    There are no strangers here, just friends you haven't met yet.

  3. #3
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr R Sole
    Now, father runs about in a sai-ling (motorbike with crude sidecar) One has a suspicion that he is also selling Ya---just not---Dong..
    That shite is on the increase too...might be wise to get tooled up of an evening..

  4. #4
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    sunsetter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    'Aroi Wa' (Basically: That is fucking nice).

    crude but effective

  5. #5
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    Mr R Sole's Avatar
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    I have recently twisted my ankle at work and now have crutches..I will be riding round with the on my bike for night time swarays on the locals...

    early attempts...

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr R Sole
    I will be riding round with the on my bike for night time swarays on the locals...
    Best to hobble to your nearest outlet isn't it, chap..or are they insufferable?

  7. #7
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    You blokes sound rather disallusioned with the SE Asian dream???

    This how it is eh?

  8. #8
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny Longprong
    You blokes sound rather disallusioned with the SE Asian dream??? This how it is eh?
    It's good for ages, but then you sober up..

  9. #9
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    Mr R Sole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Best to hobble to your nearest outlet isn't it, chap..or are they insufferable?
    I send the step-child...

    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    It's good for ages, but then you sober up..
    Dread the day...

  10. #10
    splendid and tremendous
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    Well, I say, that was a bit fucking rude...the wildlife turn out to be a bunch of pissheads too.

    A pidgeon just flew into me whilst I was doing a good 60 kph on the bike, fucking hurt as well..still, I hope the little chap is ok. He was last seen doing an upwards helter skelter and squawking blue murder..that'll teach him to peck at 100 Pipers bottle tops..

  11. #11
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    I'm now expecting the contraction of some pidgeon affilliated affliction to grasp me by the testicles and shout..'watch where you're driving, white boy'..

    A few ales should put that to bed..

  12. #12
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    Case Study: Drinking Habits in Thailand's Issan Region or an other Thread beating up on Thais??
    , When I am In Thailand, all I see is nice people, beautiful weather, great food .
    You alway find what you are looking for. Remember you affect your reality, by the color lenses you look life through.
    The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buckaroo Banzai
    When I am In Thailand, all I see is nice people, beautiful weather, great food .
    Cooooool; where you at bro? Maybe we could hook up for a brewski or two..

  14. #14
    Being chased by sloths DJ Pat's Avatar
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    At my worst in late 2008 I was literally falling about in the student bars in Ratchada 36, or sitting in my room oblivious all day in a continuous state of stoned / drunk abandon. The bars tolerated me cos I spent money but once I was dumped outside my apartment block by the staff who knew I lived there. My cousin kept turning up for our meetings and I was always well pissed already.


    A few weeks later I was in Cornwall doing cliff walks in 60mph winds.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buckaroo Banzai
    When I am In Thailand, all I see is nice people, beautiful weather, great food .
    i'm always to pissed to notice any of these things maybe i should change my habits.i given it 2 milliseconds thought perhaps not

  16. #16
    Being chased by sloths DJ Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buckaroo Banzai View Post
    , When I am In Thailand, all I see is nice people, beautiful weather, great food .
    You alway find what you are looking for. Remember you affect your reality, by the color lenses you look life through.

    That's classic ''honeymoon period'' speak^

  17. #17
    I am in Jail
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr R Sole
    Scary place...but great place to observe the inbred element of the world..
    that's because you are in a fucking zoo on a NatGeo Special

  18. #18
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    this is what i see







    all made bearable by drinking plenty of this


  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buckaroo Banzai View Post
    When I am In Thailand, all I see is nice people, beautiful weather, great food .
    Ahhh.....you must be thinking of Cambodia.

  20. #20
    Newbie longgone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buckaroo Banzai View Post
    Case Study: Drinking Habits in Thailand's Issan Region or an other Thread beating up on Thais??
    , When I am In Thailand, all I see is nice people, beautiful weather, great food .
    You alway find what you are looking for. Remember you affect your reality, by the color lenses you look life through.
    enough i fear it is time to respond.
    you cannot affect reality
    for reality is an illusion created by lack of alcohol

    Quote Originally Posted by Buckaroo Banzai
    Remember you affect your reality, by the color lenses you look life through.

  21. #21
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    I can't wait for my first trip to LOS....

    you guys make me think It will be a trip I will never forget!

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I saw one of them take a hearty gulp which was followed by the words 'Aroi Wa' (Basically: That is fucking nice). A tad taken a back, I decided that a rigourous line of questionning should be administered:
    Great post, fell out of the tree hut laughing! Well educated kids though speaking Thai in Isaan. I would have expected "sep elee" or "sep, sep nua, nua!". Guess they were on their best behaviour seeing as you were around.

    One thing's for sure don't argue with the betel-nutters, they are even worse when they miss a chew!

  23. #23
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by Troy
    Well educated kids though speaking Thai in Isaan. I would have expected "sep elee" or "sep, sep nua, nua!".
    To be fair, we're at the posh end of Issan, where dog meat for breakfast isn't on the menu..

    So the locals tend to use a Bangkok Thai and Issan fusion..Kob jai mak mak..Khawp khun lai lai.. etc etc

  24. #24
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    ^ i could tell you has plenty of class mate

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pound Hound View Post
    I can't wait for my first trip to LOS....
    you guys make me think It will be a trip I will never forget!
    There are so many different 'Thailands' you would do well to more than scratch the surface on your first visit. For example, it you plan to just stay in a resort in Phuket, I'd advise you to save your money and get a room in Waikiki instead. Only a tiny fraction of visitors even make it to Isaan, which is part of it's charm. Those that do usually seem to have a local woman in tow.

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