Snowmen would be being carefully constructed in the depths of Hell before my morning commute to work wasn't littered with degenerate alcoholics.
Most come in the form of pedestrians although I have my suspicions that every motorbike, car, lorry, bus and train operator are in a perpetual state of irredeemable intoxication.
Obstacles negotiated this morning included:
1. Unconcious gentleman lying spread eagled in the motorcycle lane encompassed by M150 bottles. His snoring was even audible through my motorbike helmet, which is incidentally a real helmet and not a decaying piece of fucking polystyrene which seems to be very much 'en vogue' with so many of the locals..it's even fairly commonplace to see people driving around with a fucking builders hat on..not sure that would cut the mustard in an RTA, all you've got to do is sneeze and the fucking thing would launch 5 feet into the air..but, they're still legal to wear though..mmmm,...*whispers, in a traumatized tone* 'I see retards'..
2. An elderly lady of some 150 years + who had come to a decision to bring her 5 hour hike across the WHOLE width of the road to a stop where betelnut preparation was now taking place..a deft swerve and I just missed her wicker basket full of utensils..thank fook, else I may have found myself pulling a pestle from the back of my head.
Listen and listen good..LEGALIZE PCP, Herion, and Crack Cocaine, but for fuck's sake, get Betlenut off the streets..it apparently turns eldery people into unhinged lunatics.
3. And this is, beyond any reasonable doubt, a daily hindrance..the old 'driving without looking or thinking or showing any signs of normal human interaction and behaviour', apart from the basics of chest beating and excitable grunting.
Dear Sir/Madam,
Kindly cast a brief eye, at the very fucking least at the contents of the stretch of tarmac/concrete you are about to penetrate with your 5 billion baht Fortuna or what ever the fuck it is.
Many thanks etc etc
Simply Astounded
Just a trio of examples there but, indeed, I seem to have digressed from the subject matter a smidgen, but it's REALLY fucking easy to digress, everything is relevant you see..so not really diggresing per se, more like talking bollocks, but ho hum, there you go.
To set the scene for the reason for this analysis of drinking habits (alcohol, not fucking pepsi or coke or red or green or blue water) within Thailand's Issan region; I was returning home after a busy day's doing, well, not a fucking lot really and since 'not a fucking lot really' tends to fatigue and weather even the hardest of souls, I deemed it necessary to stop somewhere and drink beer..when in Rome as they say, but I haven't reached the point of not cleaning my rectum after a happy half hour on the bog, not yet anyway..
Removing the cap off the beer with a lighter, which makes an extremely satisfying 'POP' if done in the correct manner, I supped away whilst taking in a quite beautiful sunset..here's a pic I took..no, really..you didn't know Issan had a beach did you..
Well, one can dream can one not..??
A few minutes later a teenage chap and what I assumed were his younger brothers, arrived at the shop and relieved it of a brace of Leo Beer; one for the teenager and one for the boys..who spoke like Lisa Simpson on crack..in other words, these wee chaps were no older then 10.
I saw one of them take a hearty gulp which was followed by the words 'Aroi Wa' (Basically: That is fucking nice). A tad taken a back, I decided that a rigourous line of questionning should be administered:
Said inquiries went something like this:
Q) Do you go to school?
A) Go
Q) Which one?
A) bla bla bla bla Witthya
Q) You like beer then?
A) Like
Q) How often do you drink it?
A) Most days
Q) Do you want some Lau Kau?
A) Want
Q) You LIKE lau kau?
A) Like
Fuck that...that was enough to see the rest of my beer off in hasty fashion.
Shit, lau kau fuelled midgets are going to take over the planet..take heed.
Join me on my follow up to this case study when I will be interviewing a geriatric old bastard whose been surving on a Ya Dong/Betlenut fusion drip fro the past decade..thankfully, I hear she's in a straight jacket..