Driving Mr. Slap: Bangkok Motorcycle Taxis

[somtamslap]

A sort of variation of Driving Miss Daisy...but swap the vintage motor for a sooped up Honda Click, Miss Daisy for a fat [at][at][at][at] (although not as fat as Withnallstoke likes to make out..I'd say 6,1 and 95kg is a perfectly reasonable ratio..so bugger off withnall yer flabby bastard) and the Chaffeur for an Asian punk with a ridiculous half baked beard and a glint in his eye which suggested drugs had played a part at some stage during his back street, Bangkokian existence..Hell..his mates looked like fucking murderers..

I asked the punk how much to get from the British Embassy to Mor Chit bus station..of course him and his murdering chums all piped up and made an absolute shambles out of trying to speak English..stop crucifying my language you fuckwits and let me crucify yours instead..I'm better at it and it makes me feel superior..so knowlingly being ripped off, because to be honest I'm over the haggling, it gets fucking boring..haggling is for newbies..fact of the day...'we' or rather that wanker, settled on 200 bt..yeh whatever, just get me there and out of this fucking city..lively please..

So the Punk is an enthusiatic little fucker..as I'm manouvering my ample (but not fat) frame onto his little scooter, the twat pulls off without making certain I'm actually on the bike..hence I grazed my legs on the foot holds..oh woe, oh deep deep woe..a graze..you yabba eating murderer..

Next thing I notice as I was staring daggers at the back of his helmet was the fact that his wing mirrors didn't appear to be being used, due to the fact they'd been turned inwards to create less air friction I assume..go faster mirrors..what a twat..this guy was driving a lunatic..



In and out of traffic like a snake on PCP, bombing down soi's which weren't really supposed to be driven down as a result of being the width of a garden path and easing his way threw rush hour traffic and 80 kph plus..the daggers in the back of the helmet were turning into a confusion..this guy should not be allowed to mingle with the general public, let alone taxi the fuckers..

We stopped for petrol..



I noticed he put in 60 baht, so he'd be making at least 140 bt profit for 45 or so's minutes work..a regular little Bill Gates..

Continued buzzing through the traffic..too many close calls to mention..



Took in the Bangkok scenery..hmmmm ..nice...



Arrived at the bus station and dashed into the bog for a changed of underwear..

Next time, I'll walk....bugger that for a game of soldiers..

[Mid]

and yet you managed to take pics

I'd have been holding on with both hands and possibly me teeth if I had any .

Truth be told it's been a long time since I've used a motocyc taxi and it'll be a lot longer before I use one again .

Russian roulette is safer

[somtamslap]

Russian roulette is safer

Similar odds for sure.

[Happyman]

During the 5 years I lived in KL I used to go to Shah Alam to watch the Asian lightweight motorbike racing ( Honda Dash and that sort of thing.) and always wondered why the winner was always a Bangkok Motocy taxi driver!!
When I moved to Thailand I wondered no more !!!

[hopskimoet]

Why didn't you just get a proper taxi?

[somtamslap]

Why didn't you just get a proper taxi?

Or use the BTS?

Cos I'm a bit of a div, mate.

[The Fresh Prince]

I had a very helpful moto driver today.

I was at the dmv place to sort my license out but it turned out my old one had expired so they wanted a medical certificate. So I walked out to the main road to see if there was a clinic around.

First up was a normal taxi.

"You want taxi?"
"Nah I'm after a clinic"
"Arrrh, you want moto taxi!"
"Nah, just a clinic"
"No no, moto taxi do for you!"

So he calls over a moto taxi at which point a nice Indian chap warns me that he's already been to the moto stand and they're all completely wasted, but I said to him that I wasn't going anywhere.

So the moto driver wobbles over, I write my name down for him and to my surprise he only wanted 70bt for the medical certificate and 40t for his time.

In 10 mins he was back and even more surprising was that he passed the medical in the state he was in and they managed to spell my name correctly!

My wife was furious because she hates that kind of thing but I think its hilarious.

[somtamslap]

^ Excellent!

[Fabian]

^^ Indeed, that's hilarious.

[Bettyboo]

Or use the BTS?

Quicker and cheaper... You're clearly a thrill seeker!

So the moto driver wobbles over, I write my name down for him and to my surprise he only wanted 70bt for the medical certificate and 40t for his time. In 10 mins he was back and even more surprising was that he passed the medical in the state he was in and they managed to spell my name correctly!

Bloody good value. I did a medical at Talin Chan driving place (stupidly went meself) and I waited around for 20 minutes before the receptionist gave me the certificate and took 100 baht; not sure the doctor was there at all; got a medical for a work permit recently (from a dentist!), the receptionist sorted that out too (100 baht) cause the doctor/dentist wasn't in that day, but signs a few certificates just in case...

Things are actually getting worse and more corrupt here; 10 years ago the doctor gave you a medical check up of sorts; 5 years ago the doctor chatted to you for 5 minutes; now, pays your money and the secretary sorts you out (not like that).

Cos I'm a bit of a div, mate.

You clearly know your stuff, maybe a deathwish?

[Fabian]

A few years ago my then brother in law got refused a medical certificate because he smelled like alcohol. He just had one beer for lunch with me.

[Bower]

^^^^
Very funny.

[DJ Pat]

After a while I wouldn't even need to hold onto anything whilst on a motorcy taxi, even when bombing down Sukhumvit.

[thrilled]

I think their wild.Maybe into the yaba A bit to much.I was late for the train one evening.My better half and me talked to 2 mc taxi's,she said to the train station lao lao.We had our luggage with us also.Definitely A big mistake.They must have gone 10 miles in about 5 minutes.We did get to the train station but i'm not sure how.
It was definitely A wild adventure.

[Mr Brown]

I hate it when it starts pissing down with rain and they've only one raincoat, or at least tell you that. One motocy was in stitches when he dropped me off at home.

Wanker

[roadking96cube]

they fold their mirrors inwards so that when they are charging down between cars at red lights,their mirrors wont clip the car rearvision mirrors gives them that little extra clearence

[Bobcock]

I write my name down for him and to my surprise he only wanted 70bt for the medical certificate and 40t for his time.

Half the guys at work go to Bumrungrad and pay 600B for theirs, you just can't tell some people.....

[Bob63]

Nice report, green to be sent.

We went by motosai cab a short ride too, it seemed reasonably safe to me.
Probably because our driver was OK, and we only rode a short distance on back roads.



It was even so safe he dispensed with the helmet, and rode with side mirrors extended. What more might you want ;-)

[The Fresh Prince]

and rode with side mirrors extended.

Arrh, a newbie fresh from the willage!

[Bob63]

Arrh, a newbie fresh from the willage!

My luck

[Bogon]

^^^Must be a newbie. His vest is still bright orange and he is carrying complimentary onboard refreshments for customers (check out the basket).

[DJ Pat]

The good motorcy guys are superstars, wish there were more about.