So, you've found yourself without a pot to piss in, fouussands of miles away from the NHS?...Nil Desparandum..for this guide is the fucking blueprint to survival..
Firstly, let's take care of the essentials..
Although it put in you in this situation in the first place, there's still a hell of alot to be said for alcochol..so, let's buy some, right now..
At 25 baht for a large bottle and 15 for a small, this Siam Sato (rice wine) will save your pennies and get you completely spannered for less than a quid..it has a sweet taste, somewhat upleasantly sweet, but a dry after taste overides the intial gagging..maybe if your not too skint you could go to 7/11 and by some of that processed cheese to nibble with it..but that would be a huge frivollity and mean your not really that broke, in which case bugger of to the pub and buy a Leo.
The bottle in question (please excuse the lack of authentic pictures..me camera's bust)
So, a few of those a day should take care of your alcohol habit.
However, should you not have such a sweet tooth and your habit is a tad more demanding, then the next choice we have is a touch more expensive but very fucking powerful indeed..
Pictured below is a small bottle of Lau Kau (Rice Whiskey) and at 40 bt a pop, it is guaranteed to make you forget that you have fucked up big stylee..infact, you'll probably think you're the most successful person on the planet. Mix with a drop of strawberry fanta..ala, the locals..to take away the pure chemical taste and it is a thoroughly drinkable beverage..
Bigger bottles are also available at around the 70 bt mark...but beware, should you consume one of these, then make sure you still have a few baht in your pocket for a top up the next day..the hangovers are quite quite horrendous..or so withnallstoke tells me..
You'll probably want some sort of acompanyment for your beverage, let's have a hunt around for some cigarettes.
Tailor-made smokes are now a thing of the past..get used to it. Rolling tobacco is now what you're all about..and unfortunately it's a far cry for the Golden Virginia and Old Holburn you used to buy from your mate who'd just got back from Spain.
Varying in price from 3 to 15 bt..we have Ya-Sen (literally means 'medicine string') It is very popular amongst the peasants over here so there is no shortage of it's outlets. The price of the tobacco also includes 30 or so 'rizla's', but these are special rizla's because they have no sticky on them, so you must hold the cigarette together whilst smoking it.
Sound tricky? You'll get used to it..
Here's a 15bt tin..should keep you going for a good few days..
So, that's the essentials taken care of..
Food next..
Just nipping down the shop..