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  1. #101
    Thailand Expat MrG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Storekeeper
    IMHO if she approaches university the same way she has high school most likely she'll find it a little more difficult to achieve a 3.00 GPA quite as easily but I doubt it will take all that much extra effort to be right around that same GPA.
    I graduated High School with a 3.0 GPA. They let me take college courses while still in HS because I was ahead of the game. Going into college I was confident, but not cocky. My first semester I dropped to a 2.0. Damn. Yes, they expect you to notch it up. But it sounds like she already has all the right skills to do well.
    The three great strategies for obscuring an issue are to introduce irrelevancies, to arouse prejudice, and to excite ridicule....---Bergen Evans, The Natural History of Nonsense.

  2. #102
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    No worries SK, she'll be fine...and so will you. Being a proud father has its moments.

  3. #103
    Thailand Expat Storekeeper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeeCoffee View Post
    No worries SK, she'll be fine...and so will you. Being a proud father has its moments.
    Maybe she has succeeded despite me. But I have to be honest and admit many times I've been rude, crude, mean and manipulative trying to motivate her.

  4. #104
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    No worries. Sometimes that is referred to as parenting....as long as it isn't abuse.

  5. #105
    Thailand Expat Storekeeper's Avatar
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    OK ... time to seek advice from my TD mates:

    My daughter is in her freshman year at Washington State University and failed two classes the first term. In addition, even though the money I spend pays for up to 18 credits per term she's only taking the minimum of 12. Freshman year ends in about 4-5 weeks. So year one of four is going to end with her behind schedule but still possible to graduate on time in 2020 as long as she doesn't fail any more classes and takes the maximum load a couple times.

    I'm thinking I give her the sophomore year to catch up. I think she should carry a full load of classes next year and not fail any. And if she can't do that or fails any more classes then I cut her loose.

    Am I being unreasonable?

  6. #106
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    I really can't answer that because it's the US system, but if it helps My Daughter has a student loan for Her University fees, amazingly She's coming round to visit us and coincidentally the next loan application is due to be submitted.
    my cooperation is needed before they issue the loan.
    Students can borrow the Uni fees and pay it back after graduation.

  7. #107
    Thailand Expat Storekeeper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wasabi View Post
    I really can't answer that because it's the US system, but if it helps My Daughter has a student loan for Her University fees, amazingly She's coming round to visit us and coincidentally the next loan application is due to be submitted.
    my cooperation is needed before they issue the loan.
    Students can borrow the Uni fees and pay it back after graduation.
    She's not a US citizen. But somehow is getting about $5K a year in loans. I'd be shocked if she could borrow more than that without a cosigner. She has a green card though and could get a job to pay for it. Probably take her about 6-7 years though.

  8. #108
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    Quote Originally Posted by Storekeeper
    failed two classes the first term.
    Was there a proper come-to-Jesus moment following these failures?

  9. #109
    Days Work Done! Norton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Storekeeper
    IMHO if she approaches university the same way she has high school most likely she'll find it a little more difficult to achieve a 3.00 GPA quite as easily but I doubt it will take all that much extra effort to be right around that same GPA.
    Yep. Predictable. Sounds like a just get by attitude by your daughter.

    Quote Originally Posted by Storekeeper
    I'm thinking I give her the sophomore year to catch up
    She is clearly way over her head at WSU. I would be looking at alternatives as giving it another year at WSU will be a waste of time.

    Alternatives worth some thought.

    Alternatives to college

  10. #110
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    Quote Originally Posted by Storekeeper
    And if she can't do that or fails any more classes then I cut her loose.

    Am I being unreasonable?
    not unreasonable, but i do wonder how 1. prepared she is (maturity) and, 2. how much you have supported her in academics.

    not to be pointing the finger at you per se, but if you're trying to decide what she needs, realizing if she can acquire the skills or deciding if it's too late should be a concern.

    another quesion i would have would be for you, SK...knowing that she is a female and that the odds of her dropping out, and hitching up with some guy in short order, would (should) give you some pause. do you think she needs a yer off to get her head straight? this is more and more common. drop out, come home and work. stay with you. learn responsibility and learn a good work ethic....all of which is under the pretenses that she has the ability to go back to school when ready.

    i guess that you dont want to be paying for 7 years of undergraduate (as funny as that sounds, its not entirely atypical these days. ) a lot of kids are pushed into school when in fact they would be better off in the military or doing something else. well, thats all well and good, but every kid is different. some are driven and clever, while others hapless. you know your own kid. if it's a matter of maturity then let her take time off. let her work and be close to home. encourage her and monitor her behavior. if she's the partying type, it might be dangerous (getting pregnant) or it might help her get that stuff out of her system. it's a rough call. either way, failing courses means she's not currently ready to work hard in school.

    remember this is all her responsibility. since you have the purse stings you have a lot of leverage in this equation and telling her that you'll pay for things when you've determined she's ready is a fair way to proceed. if she says, "i want to go so badly!" then she might just end up doing well with that motivation. let her take out loans and such. cosign on them for one year. see how it goes, but dont invest in a 4 + year holiday where she get a major in communications, 5 tatoos, a drug habit, and a bad stinking attitude.

    maybe the worst part is that she drops out and decides to do something different. these are life's consequences and the best you can do, in the moment, is just let them know that you love them.

    good luck SK. i can see how thats a rough call. ultimately, you know her best.

  11. #111
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    Most scholarships that I am aware of require a specific GPA. Receiving two F's could jeopardize her scholarship unless things have changed. There are numerous scholarships out there that are available to non-citizens, so you may want to do a Google search.

  12. #112
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    there are lots of kinds of scholarships. many of them are dependent on a certain GPA, or at least not having any failed classes.

    if she's a freshman, then a couple of years at community college might do her well. she gets the core classes out of the way.

    the problem is that some mature students do very well with this arrangement, while less mature ones only waddle around in a student population, that at best, is quite diverse. there are loads of waywards kids at community. depending on her personality, be careful of that kind of environment. it either pushes her to be better, or gets her hanging around with the 'punch out and head to happy hour' crowd, with kids who might be *ahem* a lot more seasoned than her.

    how about a stint in the navy, ol' storekeep? 4 years and she'll be shipshape!

  13. #113
    Thailand Expat Storekeeper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by UrbanMan
    Was there a proper come-to-Jesus moment following these failures?
    Actually she came home during winter break and failed to let us know. It was only a month later when I finally got access to her account that I found out. I think the "come-to-Jesus moment" is right now ... when I refused to pay for her to go to the upcoming summer school. Will give her this though ... she changed roommates when she went back saying this would help. The roommate supposedly had a boyfriend practically living in the room.

    Quote Originally Posted by Norton
    She is clearly way over her head at WSU.
    Quote Originally Posted by Norton
    Sounds like a just get by attitude by your daughter.
    That has entered my mind and I've been thinking that is why her advisor apparently has put the thought in her head to switch from nursing to ... a Human Development major. My thoughts have been that she just didn't realize how much tougher university is than high school. Oddly enough I have told her from the beginning I wasn't paying for her to get some liberal arts major and now here we are. My thoughts are ... if she's going to do that then she might as well get a B.Ed. What about all the stories you hear of kids who have a hard time adjusting the first year but after that the adjust to the curriculum? Would I be wrong not to give her one more year of rope to see what she does with it?

    Quote Originally Posted by stfranalum
    do wonder how 1. prepared she is (maturity) and, 2. how much you have supported her in academics.
    Quote Originally Posted by stfranalum
    do you think she needs a yer off to get her head straight?
    Quote Originally Posted by stfranalum
    i guess that you dont want to be paying for 7 years of undergraduate
    She finished high school with an overall 3.25 GPA but yes I did constantly monitor her and look for ways to motivate her while she was living at home. I always preached "never below three point oh" ... but at this point I'd just settle for 2.0

    The story line has been from the beginning ... I'm looking to line myself up to retire again in 2020 ... the year she is supposed to graduate. So there isn't any room for breaks and re-starts.

    Quote Originally Posted by rickschoppers
    Most scholarships that I am aware of require a specific GPA.
    There are no scholarships. I take out a Parent Loan that pays for everything except for books. And then I shoot to pay it off before the end of the school year. Which in this case is next month.She gets a much smaller student loan that is supposed to pay for books and any extras. Basically as it turns out her small student loan ends up as money in her account. She'd end up right around $20K in debt after 4 years. I'll add that when it comes to scholarships she has been much less than aggressive when applying for them. Hell, I have no proof she actually eve applied for any scholarships.

    Quote Originally Posted by stfranalum
    then a couple of years at community college
    Quote Originally Posted by stfranalum
    how about a stint in the navy
    I committed myself to paying for her to attend college for 4 years. So I'm going to stick to that timeline. So I'm thinking to go ahead and give her another years at WSU. But the final two years of my deal may very well end up being 2 years at Olympic College, living at home and back under my thumb. If she really wants to be a nurse she only needs to get a 2 year degree anyway to be a Registered Nurse (RN). Or ... do I meet my commitment of 4 years and if she's short of credits at the point do I just tell her she's on her own?

    I really don't think she's the military type. Although that may very well end up being the direction her mother pushes her in. It's already started as a matter of a fact. Mom is the one pushing that ... not me.

    Anyway, I'm very disappointed. Just don't get how she doesn't understand the opportunity she is pissing away. She's not stupid. She knows damn well her current quality and style of life is only happening because of the Paymaster General.

    So far I have no indication that she boozes, does drugs or is getting jiggy with some boy ... but she's a social butterfly and one of the types who is always looking at herself in the mirror.

    Quote Originally Posted by stfranalum
    as funny as that sounds, its not entirely atypical these days.
    Yeah, pretty much my understanding as well ... seems like many kids are taking 5 years to graduate these days. Which brings up another concern I have ... I'm starting to suspect her advisor has that same train of thought ... It sounds like her advisor might be the one who is suggested my daughter only carry 12 credits per semester ... how does a academic advisor balance the needs and bests interests of a student over squeezing a kid for another year of tuition money for the school. Let's be honest ... these universities today are just as much of a business nowadays as they are an institution of higher learning.

  14. #114
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    I read all of the recent posts.

    1. Did she say why she failed 2 classes? Or, what she thinks the reasons are?

    Living away from home for first time less parental monitoring, so study habits slack? Roommate's BF in the room constantly? That can be a distraction. The rigors of nursing programs? A combination of all of these?

    (I've read Nursing programs - not sure about the BA - are demanding and if one falls behind in certain courses it's difficult to catch up.)

    2. Does she like studying Nursing? Changing her mind?

    3. If she's only taking 12 credits and not the 18 possible is it because of it being less work or because it may be too difficult, considering she's failed 2 classes?


    Best of luck to her and you.

  15. #115
    Thailand Expat Storekeeper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cold Pizza
    I read all of the recent posts.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cold Pizza
    Best of luck to her and you.
    TBH even though she started off as a nursing major I don't really think she has a clue what she wants to be. Maybe it's possible some people never feel drawn to something. I don't know.

    IMHO the kid probably just doesn't understand the difficult position she's putting herself in or me. I ask myself ... how did this happen? How can she not be taking school more seriously?

  16. #116
    Thailand Expat Slick's Avatar
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    Why did my post get removed? I was just wondering what her reasons were for failing

  17. #117
    Thailand Expat Storekeeper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slick
    I was just wondering what her reasons were for failing
    I never really got a straight answer. In fact one of the classes she had a B- in at the mid-term and failed the class.

    I'm in a WSU Parent chat group on FB ... I've posted some questions and concerns there. Because I know the university trolls the groups ...

  18. #118
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    pull her out of uni and work for a year or 2

    flipping burgers for a while could do wonders for the motivation

    just put the money away to be used if she does get some ideas of a better job

    chemical engineering is where it is at - the world will need more meth chefs
    If you torture data for enough time , you can get it to say what you want.

  19. #119
    Thailand Expat Storekeeper's Avatar
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    Here's a response I got back from one of the WSU parents:

    "Some students need to not take quite as full of a load. It really depends on the person AND if she is just starting out she might need to take it slower. You can say that if she wants to do that you pay 1/2 and she take out a loan for the other 1/2? I would never push someone to take a load more than they were comfortable with. I suggested the 1/2 loan if money is a huge issue for you. Personally I have seen parents view college as how much they pay how much will the student earn. I was raised with college is an experience in life for learning , etc. My son's semester abroad is over 25K. My concern was he got very sick twice once in the hospital for several days w/ 3 infections. Money to me was never the issue, even though his father pays for very little. Since you said she already failed some classes to me that last thing you would want to do is push her beyond her comfort level. My friends son at UW is now taking all these humanities classes because it interests him. He's an excellent student but there goes his 'practical' major. He sees college as a place to learn. I hope you can find common ground so your daughter stays in college and is happy. A few thousand dollars to have someone happy to me is no big deal. Unhappy students drop out, if she is trying , not into drugs or bad things be so thankful. That's my advice".

  20. #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by Storekeeper View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Slick
    I was just wondering what her reasons were for failing
    I never really got a straight answer.
    I think finding that out is necessary. Is she really way over her head at WSU (or at university) or has she been too slack (lazy)? You need to know and she needs to be honest about it. Once you know the answer, you can deal with it in the best way.

  21. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by Storekeeper View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Cold Pizza
    I read all of the recent posts.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cold Pizza
    Best of luck to her and you.
    TBH even though she started off as a nursing major I don't really think she has a clue what she wants to be.
    That's not uncommon.

    But I understand you're paying a decent sized bill.


    Maybe it's possible some people never feel drawn to something. I don't know.
    For some people, yes. I've known quite a few of them. (Honestly, they were in EFL.)

    How can she not be taking school more seriously?
    One has to take Uni seriously. Some people were not very motivated when I went.

    Uni is not for everyone and I don't mean this in a bad way.


    The parent's advice you posted seemed worthy of consideration, IMO.


    Hopefully she will do better.

    Does she enjoy the Uni experience in general?

    Academically, does she say she likes her classes?

  22. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by Storekeeper
    In fact one of the classes she had a B- in at the mid-term and failed the class.
    That tells me that there is some sort of distraction that popped up. To go from a B- to and F is not likely to just happen at that point. WSU is a big party school Stores and I think that may be whats behind this...

  23. #123
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cold Pizza
    Uni is not for everyone and I don't mean this in a bad way.
    Isn't this kinda like saying "work/employment isn't for everyone"?

    Clearly it's a lack of motivation or distraction, but I don't have kids so I have no idea.

  24. #124
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neverna
    Is she really way over her head at WSU (or at university) or has she been too slack (lazy)?
    Quote Originally Posted by bsnub
    That tells me that there is some sort of distraction that popped up.
    Good points. I'm of the opinion that maybe WSU isn't totally above her head and there is no reason she shouldn't be able to get a C or better in every class. So that leaves the distractions. I'm reminded now I forgot and left out something ... Chi Sigma Delta ... for some reason she decided to rush and she did mention that she has dropped out of that group as it was taking up too much time.

    So basically I guess I need to keep in mind she has taken two steps to change her environment ... changed room mates and dropped out of the sorority.

    I pay her phone bill online so I know there is one phone number that she is constantly messaging and being messaged by.

  25. #125
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    Go figure...WSU ranked #88 out of 1426 universities rated as a Party School - Go Cougs !!!

    Additionally fraternities and sororities are huge on campus in Pullman which puts additional pressures on finding abundant time to apply oneself and study particularly for a freshman student.

    It's a very good school for a student to prepare for a future vocation but the distractions away from parental oversight (love and booze inclusive) can potentially derail even the best and brightest.

    Maybe it's simply best for you and her Mom to sit down with her for a "heart-to-heart" to hear her side of the story without distractions and chew on it for a while before you make up your minds.

    After real contemplation at a later date you can both give her your decision (as it's your money) with or without any attachments ('targets') or goals that must be attained in her second year...but do it with love along with your reasoning for validation.

    I'm just writing as a parent who saw three through university and one of whom attended WSU. Trust me (as you well know) when you're shelling out that kind of money on your kid's "future" it's sometimes hard to keep your inner feelings in check.

    Final note, always let your children know that you love them far beyond anything they can understand, show them and mean it and let them know to call at anytime if there's ever a problem.
    There are many worse things for a parent to face than just their kids lower-than-expected GPA. Good luck, SK.

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