Funerals in Thailand

[Latindancer]

My wife and I got talking today about what would happen if one of her parents died.

We are living in Australia, and she thinks she would simply have to return to Thailand if one of them died.

I told her it would be better to go back and see them as often as she can now....before they die. But I think going back for a funeral would be a waste of money. Not to mention screwing up her job.

My personal view is that the person has died already, and that funerals are to help the living to adjust.

Moreover, when she goes back, her family expect her to pay for all sorts of other things.

Would a Thai person living overseas be expected in every circumstance to return home for a funeral ? Is it embedded in Thai / Buddhist culture ?

[crackerjack101]

My wife was with me in Adelaide 3 months ago and her brother died unexpectedly.
She was on the phone for a couple of days but there was no pressure put on her to return to LOS. It seemed to be accepted that she'd not go back. No worries.

[can123]

Would a Thai person living overseas be expected in every circumstance to return home for a funeral ? Is it embedded in Thai / Buddhist culture ?

Yes, you would be expected to return and, at least, make a contribution to the funeral costs, if not expected to pay for the lot including the "tamboon".

[Latindancer]

^^ Ok....thanks for that.

My wife seems to think that she would be regarded as a very poor sort of daughter if she didn't go.

^ So it varies.

[crackerjack101]

So it varies.

It's bound to I suppose.
My wifes family are simple folk, growing rice and the like. Pretty religious though and I was pleasantly surprised when they made it very clear that she wasn't expected home. The did expect her to visit when we did get back though and there was some kind of ceremony.

[crackerjack101]

Yes, you would be expected to return and, at least, make a contribution to the funeral costs, if not expected to pay for the lot including the "tamboon".

We have a kind of village scheme whereby everyone in the village pays 50baht whenever someone dies. This covers all the costs.

Apparently I'm covered as well.

[Luigi]

Light up a cigarette and tell her to pretend the smoke is her mother's from the temple crematorium, so she can pray and say goodbye to that.




Ef off OP, it's her parents ffs.

[thaimeme]

Would a Thai person living overseas be expected in every circumstance to return home for a funeral ? Is it embedded in Thai / Buddhist culture ?

Yes, you would be expected to return and, at least, make a contribution to the funeral costs, if not expected to pay for the lot including the "tamboon".

More so, I would suspect that every situation would differ from the next, less set in standard stone....

[can123]

Yes, you would be expected to return and, at least, make a contribution to the funeral costs, if not expected to pay for the lot including the "tamboon".

We have a kind of village scheme whereby everyone in the village pays 50baht whenever someone dies. This covers all the costs.

Apparently I'm covered as well.

Yes, most definitely they do that in Isaan. Thais being Thai, however, they seek to outdo each other if they possibly can and there would be a certain degree of loss of face if the farang did not contribute. All very silly, of course, but that is the way they think. "My farang is better than yours" sort of thing.

Of course it depends on the individual families as to their expectations. I am lucky that mine have never sought money routinely but I made a substantial contribution when granny died. This might have been because of exceptional circumstances, my wife had returned to Thailand to nurse her during her last days and this increased the pressure to contribute.

Uncles and aunts have died and we have done nothing. I think that the death of parents is different and that is the case all over the world. Your suggestion that she should visit more often when they are alive is not the best one. The easiest way to show respect is to return on the death.

[Mundi]

It's no different from any other culture. My wife's grandmother passed away while we were on holidays this year. She wanted to return and thought hard about it, but by the time we would have got back to Thailand, the ceremony would have been over. She understood all she would have been doing is paying for the ceremony.

[TheDukeofNewcastle]

"My farang is better than yours"

Only if the farang is gullible enough to be scammed by Thai ghosts.

[wasabi]

My Mary pays an annual premium on a Thai life insurance policy on her Mother, on death there enough to cover the funeral and a lump sum for the policyholder.

[jamescollister]

LD, think you would need to let your wife take the lead on this, customs not only vary from region to region, but area to area and where I am village to village, or Wat to Wat.

Outside of cities, no morgues, they bury or burn fast, no refrigeration, all villages have some type of funeral fund, it's run differently area to area.

Then add to that, parties for the dead that have been buried, then dug up for the burning years later and ghost parties.

Complex belief system, keep out of it, let your wife follow her belief system.

[thaimeme]

LD, think you would need to let your wife take the lead on this, customs not only vary from region to region, but area to area and where I am village to village, or Wat to Wat.

Outside of cities, no morgues, they bury or burn fast, no refrigeration, all villages have some type of funeral fund, it's run differently area to area.

Then add to that, parties for the dead that have been buried, then dug up for the burning years later and ghost parties.

Complex belief system, keep out of it, let your wife follow her belief system.

Nothing quite like a 3-day drunken funeral [and cremation] tamboon.......

[can123]

Nothing quite like a 3-day drunken funeral [and cremation] tamboon.......
[at] [at]

The police let them play cards for money and my wife's granny had an outdoor movie show.

[Latindancer]

LD, think you would need to let your wife take the lead on this, customs not only vary from region to region, but area to area and where I am village to village, or Wat to Wat.

Outside of cities, no morgues, they bury or burn fast, no refrigeration, all villages have some type of funeral fund, it's run differently area to area.

Then add to that, parties for the dead that have been buried, then dug up for the burning years later and ghost parties.

Complex belief system, keep out of it, let your wife follow her belief system.

Wise words, Jim. I'll do this.

My wife and I have a minor issue at the moment about who pays for what.
And I have become over-sensitized from seeing (and experiencing) in the past, issues between Westerners and Thai women regarding money and payments to family.
And recently I was slightly horrified to read about ChittyC's current probs.

My wife is a trustworthy person and I should go with that. As Luigi said, they are her parents, ffs.

[Humbert]

Your wife would lose a considerable amount of face in her family and community if she didn't show up for her parents funeral.

[Latindancer]

Yes, I can understand that if she was in Thailand, but I thought perhaps the expectations might be different if she was overseas.

Anyhow, I'll go with the flow.

[misskit]

^ She would never forgive you if she wanted to go to her parent's funerals and you prevented her.

[PeeCoffee]

Somebody has to pay...

Concur with Humbert's post # 17.

[David48atTD]

I asked my Thai partner the question you alluded to in the OP ... we are currently living in Australia.

She said that most definitely she would return to Thailand. For context she is Central Thailand.

For her, it's not about losing face, just that she would want to say goodbye to her parent, and understandably so.

It was explained that, unless it was an accident (I assume a disfiguring accident), it will be an open coffin and most relatives would go and say their respective goodbyes.

I don't know what job your wife has, but the death of a parent, overseas or not, would usually be considered as a valid reason for compassionate and instant leave.

As for costs, that is a separate issue, it shouldn't influence the decision.

We split our time equally between AU and TH and even though we don't live in the City, we aren't a 'village' either and thus don't have the Funeral Insurance which seems common in Isaan.


Your wife most likely would be expected to contribute to the Funeral cost as my partner would also.

How much to pay? That could an entire thread on it's own.

My experience is that the general guide is that the expectation of the contribution is roughly relevant to the individuals capacity to pay.
I have convinced the Thai Family that my capacity (and willingness) to pay is limited.

There is also the 'Face' element and that does also effect both the individuals contribution and, from the Families perspective, the size and length of the funeral.


I have a deep respect for my Thai partners parents and I would happily contribute to his/her Funeral.
How much?
Assuming there are no millionaires in the extended family I would contribute an equal amount to that of a Thai man who had equal standing within that Family.
As best the Thais can, I'm considered as 'Family'.


So my thoughts are that yes, she should go and yes, she would be expected to contribute to the Funeral costs ... how much is open to negotiation.

[Bettyboo]

My wife and I got talking today about what would happen if one of her parents died.

We are living in Australia, and she thinks she would simply have to return to Thailand if one of them died.

& that's the end of that.

As for costs, that is a separate issue, it shouldn't influence the decision.

Correct.

She would never forgive you if she wanted to go to her parent's funerals and you prevented her.

Correct. I doubt the OP is saying he'd prevent her, but he does have to be careful to fully support her. If anybody's parents died you want to go to the funeral, FFS...

[KEVIN2008]

Light up a cigarette and tell her to pretend the smoke is her mother's from the temple crematorium, so she can pray and say goodbye to that.




Ef off OP, it's her parents ffs.