Thread: How Long Did It Take You To Learn Thai

For me its a case of the more Thai I know, the more I realise I don't know. I've also found that the better I've gotten at speaking and listening, the more reluctant I am to speak because I realise I sound like a complete dipstick.

Anyway, these days I liken my use of Thai to the mangling of words by Officer Crabtree in that old English sitcom 'Allo 'Allo! He was the undercover British agent masquerading as a gendarme. I'm sure the 'Allo 'Allo! fans amongst us will remember his:

• "Good Moaning" for "Good Morning"
• "I was pissing by the door, when I heard two shats. You are holding in your hand a smoking goon; you are clearly the guilty potty." for "I was passing by the door, when I heard two shots. You are holding in your hand a smoking gun; you are clearly the guilty party."
• "Do you have the long-distance dick?" for "Do you have the long-distance duck?"
• "And who is peeing for the ponsoir?" for "And who is paying for the pissoire?" after it was damaged by an overriding tank.

Here are some more beauties:

• There was a wetness at the bonk.
• Darly belivid. We are gothered here todee to jine thus min and thus women in highly mitriminy.
• I am disgeesed as poloceman so I am oble to move aboot with complate frodom.
• I am wicking this wa because my poloceman's troosers are full of deenamote.
• We will goo oot the bock wee.

Crabtree: Good Moaning, I have come to arost your mither
Edith: Arrest her, why?
Crabtree: She has been pissing fudged bink notes in the hit shop.
Edith: What does Crabtree say Vyette?
Yvette: I think he said "she has been passing forged bank notes in the hat shop.
Crabtree: Presoasly
René (Dressed like Fanny, doing a poor impression of her): Edith, remind him he is supposed to be on our side.
Crabtree: Who is the ugly old bog in the bid with your mither?
Fanny: I have been asking the same question.
René (takes off his wig): It is I, Rene.
Crabtree: My Gid that was a god disgeese, I was complotely decieved by the wog.
René: Edith, give him 500 francs from the till and tell him to pass off.
Crabtree: There is no need to be rode.