Thread: Quick Jokes

The inventor of the crossword recently died.
They buried him:

Four Down
One Across

Originally Posted by toslti

The inventor of the crossword recently died.
They buried him:

Four Down
One Across

Is that cryptic??

M friend stole a calendar from Walmart.....he got 12 months

While I was having a medical, I asked the doctor if I'd live to be 100. "Not with Mercury in Uranus" he replied.

"I don't believe in Astrology", I noted.

He said "Neither do I, my thermometer just broke off in your arse".

What are hurricanes named after women?

Because when they come they're wild and wet when they go they take your house and car.

Tried to get into a Bulimia Sufferers Support Group meeting last night. The place was heaving!

“Harry, I have just noticed that on our computer, the M, I, L and F keys are more faded than the others” my wife yelled...

I thought on my feet. “oh
you know me, always looking up film stuff.”

why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong sock this morning

I bumped into an old mate and said "so what are you doing these days?".

"Preparing meals for homeless people, drug addicts, alcoholics and other down and outs" he replied.

"Oh, are you working for a charity?" I asked.

"No, I'm a Chef at Wetherspoons".

Wetherspoons is a very profitable company. It supplies a product and service which many enjoy.

Don't knock one of the few British success stories.

^just post a quick joke and move along....

Originally Posted by uncle junior

^just post a quick joke and move along....

Yes he get's tyresome sometimes.

Originally Posted by Cujo

he get's tyresome

So does the Goodyear blimp.

^^^ & ^^

Originally Posted by OhOh

Wetherspoons is a very profitable company. It supplies a product and service which many enjoy.

Don't knock one of the few British success stories.

Fuck off you dull c u n t.

I think he's an the Asperger spectrum. Seriously.

^ & ^^

Originally Posted by Latindancer

I think he's an the Asperger spectrum. Seriously.

I suspect he's gone full retard.

Stephen Hawking had his first date for 10 years last week. He came back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees; apparently she stood him up!

Originally Posted by uncle junior

Stephen Hawking had his first date for 10 years last week. He came back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees; apparently she stood him up!

Considering he's dead.....

I got the joke, Uncle J.

Originally Posted by Cujo

Considering he's dead.....

you can if you want but the joke won't work......

well it could if that was after rigor mortis set in, on second thoughts even before

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking" but I don't have that much time.

Paddy walks in a pub and says "How much is your beer?".

The barman replies "4 pounds a pint and 12 pounds for a pitcher".

Paddy says "Well I'll have a pint then, but I'm not paying 12 quid for a fucking photo!".