Thread: Quick Jokes

I asked my Kiwi mate how many sexual partners he has had,he started counting then fell asleep.

Hahaha...took a few seconds, but the penny dropped.

I bought a massive fish from the supermarket today, and when I got home I found out that all its insides were missing.

Gutted.

Playing doctors and nurses with the wife last night didn't go well...

Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese!

I went to a fetish restaurant last night.

I got toed in the hole.

I don't care how nice the hand soap smells, you should never walk out of the restroom smelling your fingers.

No TRUER words could be said

When my dad found out I had a imaginary girlfriend he said "You can do better than that."
I said "Thank you."
He said "I was talking to the girl."

At a travel agency in Shanghai, I asked the Chinese girl behind
the counter if she could escort me on a city tour and asked her
for her mobile number so I
could call her to make arrangements.




She gave me a big smile, nodded her head and said,





"Sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonight".
I replied, "Wow, you Chinese women are really hospitable!"
A guy standing next to me overheard, tapped me on the shoulder
and said, "What she really said was: 666136429."

I used to date a German girl that gave me marks out of 10 every time we had sex.
I fucked her in the arse one night and she kept saying 9... best score I ever had.

There's an echo in here.!

The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple onboard, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
“Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger onboard, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!”
The captain responds, “Patricia, I’ve told you this before. This is Air Force One...”

Originally Posted by Neo

I used to date a German girl that gave me marks out of 10 every time we had sex.
I fucked her in the arse one night and she kept saying 9... best score I ever had.

I fucked this german prossie once. After I'd given her a facial, she said "how about a few marks?".

I said "six out of ten".

I can feel one formulating that involves cum guzzling German and bitte/bitter, but I can't make it work.
Anyone?

You can say what you like about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly near schools.

Q: Whats 72?
A: 69 with three people watching

Life without women would be a pain in the butt, literally.

In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point.
The question was where do women mostly have curly hair?
Apparently, it's Africa !

Last night after a few beers my mate asked if he could stay on my sofa

I had to explain to him that I'm married now so that's where I sleep

Two clowns are eating a cannibal. The first clown looks at the second clown and says, "I think we're doing this wrong."

Two muffins are in the oven. One says, "Gee it's hot in here." The other screamed, "It's a talking muffin!"