Thread: Quick Jokes

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have
dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to
the Pharmacist to get some condoms.He tells the Pharmacist it's his first
time and the Pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the Register, the Pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to
buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family
pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and
all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,
come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was THE
Pharmacist."

This letter was sent to the Broken Hill High School Principal's office in Broken Hill, outback Australia after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.


Dear Broken Hill High School,

God bless you for the beautiful wireless I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the St Anne's Nursing Home for the Aged.
All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.
My roommate is 95 and has always had her own wireless, but she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband and wanted to keep it safe.
The other day her wireless fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to fuck off.
Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.

God bless you all.
Sincerely,
Edna

An explorer walked into a clearing and was surprised to see a pygmy standing beside an enormous dead elephant.
"Did you kill that?" he asked.
The pygmy nodded.
"How could a little bloke like you kill something as huge as that?"
"I killed it with my club" said the pygmy.
"That's amazing," said the explorer. "How big's your club?"
The pigmy replied "There's about 150 of us"

Originally Posted by crepitas

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have
dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to
the Pharmacist to get some condoms.He tells the Pharmacist it's his first
time and the Pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the Register, the Pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to
buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family
pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and
all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,
come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was THE
Pharmacist."

I see the concept of 'quick jokes' escapes you.

At least he's contributing

With smeg Andy Thetyim Ao JJ Dr Andy gone Cyrille vanished CMN awol feck its only a handful,are you trying to discourage comment?

Fairplay it wasnt a one liner but

"do you know the difference between a buffalo and a bison?"

Originally Posted by david44

"do you know the difference between a buffalo and a bison?"

You can't wash your hair in a buffalo.

"I see the concept of 'quick jokes' escapes you"[/quote]

sigh!!.....guess you are bored eh? Is your approval prerequisite....i did not know that ! profound apologies.........

Originally Posted by toslti

An explorer walked into a clearing and was surprised to see a pygmy standing beside an enormous dead elephant.
"Did you kill that?" he asked.
The pygmy nodded.
"How could a little bloke like you kill something as huge as that?"
"I killed it with my club" said the pygmy.
"That's amazing," said the explorer. "How big's your club?"
The pigmy replied "There's about 150 of us"

Love it.

Originally Posted by david44

At least he's contributing

With smeg Andy Thetyim Ao JJ Dr Andy

Andy and Dr Andy? Twice as much a twat as everyone else maybe?

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Originally Posted by david44

At least he's contributing

With smeg Andy Thetyim Ao JJ Dr Andy

Andy and Dr Andy? Twice as much a twat as everyone else maybe?

Is that a quick joke,sometimes my low IQ means I miss
"What's the difference between a duck...?"

What is the fastest cake in the bakery?

A woman was playing golf when she took a big swing and fell.

The party waiting behind her was a group from Washington, DC that included Barack Obama.

Barack quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet.

She thanked him and started to leave, when he said, "I'm Barack Obama and I hope you'll vote Democratic in the next election.

She laughed and quickly said, "I fell on my ass, not my head."

The Ultimate in Suicide Counselling – bet she changes her mind………..







A woman was standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off.



A homeless drunk stopped and mumbled, "If you're about to kill yourself, how about a shag before you go?"



The woman was angry and said, "No! F**k off you filthy old bastard."



The tramp turned to leave and said, "No problems, I'll just go and wait at the bottom then."

Originally Posted by Koojo

Originally Posted by crepitas

"I see the concept of 'quick jokes' escapes you"

sigh!!.....guess you are bored eh? Is your approval prerequisite....i did not know that ! profound apologies.........

I don't know what to say. It's nothing about approval, the title of the thread is 'quick' jokes.
Ask yourself, was that a 'quick' joke?
There's a whole subforum for jokes (that aren't 'quick')[/quote]

What is the definition of "quick"....? Takes maybe 30 seconds to read methinks Maybe the thread should read "like really short jokes eh"

555 maybe we should move this to the inane banter sub forum?

I was at the local gymn this morning and I noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to get my finger in.

Anyway, she made a complaint, and now I'm barred for life :/

Originally Posted by CaptainNemo

I was at the local gymn this morning and I noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to get my finger in.

Anyway, she made a complaint, and now I'm barred for life :/

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest asked.

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. 'You know, I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship,
And your parrots are sure to stop saying that evil phrase in no time.'

'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'that may help.'

The next day she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were in their cage holding rosary beads and praying.

Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes the female parrots cried out in unison: 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence. Then one male parrot looked over at the other and said, 'Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!

Venison's dear, isn't it?

Originally Posted by VocalNeal

Venison's dear, isn't it?

See now that's a quick joke.
That ^^ isn't.
Therefore because this is one of those little things that gets on my nerves Leemo will be recieving repo.

[green] 04-08-2014 01:33 PM terry57 555555 good one
[red] 04-08-2014 12:57 PM Koojo 'quick' jokes.

Originally Posted by Koojo

Therefore because this is one of those little things that gets on my nerves

It seems we are getting to the crux of the matter.

Originally Posted by leemo

04-08-2014 01:33 PM terry57 555555 good one
04-08-2014 12:57 PM Koojo 'quick' jokes.

Did you mean to do this but you're too thick so you actually wrote [green] [red] instead?

Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn't appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.