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Thread: Quick Jokes

  1. #1726
    Pedantic bastard
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    I saw my friend this morning and he said, "I saw your wife the other day, she said you'd split up because of a breakdown of communication."

    I replied, "What do you mean we've split up?"

  2. #1727
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    The Importance of walking

    Walking can add minutes to your life.
    This enables you at 85 years old
    To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
    Home at $4,000 per month.

  3. #1728
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    A Kiwi Muslim was caught having sex with a sheep today.He said it was islamb and he could do what he wanted with it.

  4. #1729
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    About the same as the mussies fucking ladyboys, no bad thing,it's NOT there wife or another Woman. Too stupid for words these mussies are.

  5. #1730
    Thailand Expat Boon Mee's Avatar
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    As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him “Vernon, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way down the freeway. Please be careful!”

    “Hell” said Vernon “It’s not just one car… it’s hundreds of them!”
    A Deplorable Bitter Clinger

  6. #1731
    Member 2Prick's Avatar
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    He said "I talked to god... do you call that SCIENCE!?"

    "No" I replied, "That's called schizophrenia."

  7. #1732
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    The Condom


    I've always been a student of history but I didn't know this.





    In 1272, the Arabic Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

    In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

  8. #1733
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    The Condom


    I've always been a student of history but I didn't know this.





    In 1272, the Arabic Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

    In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

    Is that better?

  9. #1734
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    Quote Originally Posted by charleyboy View Post

    Is that better?
    And what did the goat say?

  10. #1735
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    Les Dawson

    My wife ran off with the neighbour next door.
    I really miss him.

  11. #1736
    Pedantic bastard
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    Les dawson waxing lyrical:

    In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought ... I must put a roof on this toilet

  12. #1737
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    Smile

    Quote Originally Posted by WilliamBlake View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by charleyboy View Post

    Is that better?
    And what did the goat say?
    will you respect me the morning ?

  13. #1738
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    There once was a plumber from Leigh
    Who was plumbing his girl by the sea.
    Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
    I think someone's coming!"
    Said he, "Yes, I know love, it's me.

  14. #1739
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    I met this young girl from Sa Kaeo
    She gobbled my cock oh so well
    She was only nineteen when I filled her with cream
    Oh I miss that young girl from Sa Kaeo

  15. #1740
    Member Thaidan's Avatar
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    Great stuff is going on here - Thanks for your sharing

  16. #1741
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    From that movie about Hitchcock:

    There was a young girl from Kent
    Who swore that she knew what it meant
    When he asked her to dine
    Good food, lots of wine
    She knew, oh she knew - but she went.

  17. #1742
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    Rabbi Smegstein saved all the foreskins he had circumcised and had them made into a wallet.

    His friend Patrick was admiring it one day when the sage explained when you stroke it becomes a briefcase

  18. #1743
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    I don't envy the person who will have the job of Courtroom Artist at Rolf Harris' trial. Talk about pressure.

  19. #1744
    R.I.P.
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    My son went off all excited to play in the park with his new toy gun

    Came back an hour later with a French tour group that had surrendered to him

  20. #1745
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    Syria's President Assad referred to President Obama as weak. Obama is so angry he plans to ask Congress for permission to come up with a good comeback.

  21. #1746
    Pedantic bastard
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    Samsung have unveiled the Galaxy Gear smart watch
    Apple are preparing to sue because it's a clear rip off something they haven't made yet but might at some point....

  22. #1747
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    There was a young man from nantucket
    whose cock was so long he could suck it
    while sucking one day he thought with dismay
    if my ear was a cnut i could fuck it !

  23. #1748
    Thailand Expat Boon Mee's Avatar
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    There was a Congressman named Weiner,
    Who had a perverted demeanor.
    Forced from the Hill, for acting like Bill,
    Now Congress is one Weiner leaner.


    Moral: "If you tweet your meat, you lose your seat."

  24. #1749
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    My Grandad's final wish was to be buried with his childhood sweetheart and wife of 60 years.

    You should have seen the old girl trying to fight her way out of that one!

  25. #1750
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    Moved. Too long!
    Last edited by charleyboy; 06-09-2013 at 12:30 PM.

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