Thread: Quick Jokes

Thank you for teaching me the meaning of plethora.
It means a lot.

So if you meet a woman and she apologizes, admits she is wrong and says she is sorry, dump her immediately. She is probably a man. Women do not do that shit.

I failed a job interview last week.
Apparently a gangbang isn't a good example to show that you work well in a team.

I just ended a 10 year relationship.
Oh, are you okay?
Sure, it wasn't mine.

MBA comes in handy sometimes. Married But Available.

I called Animal Welfare today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing four kittens."
“That's terrible," she replied, "Are they moving?”
“I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "but if they were that would explain the suitcase.”

I called the doctor this morning and told her I’d had the shits for 3 weeks.
She said, "Don't worry, another three weeks and they'll be back at school".

Wadda you call

a man with a seagull on his head CLIFF

a man in a paper bag Russel

a man in a bog Pete

a man in Pattaya Dick

a man under a car Jack

I had a mate who taught his dog to play trumpet on the London Underground. He said they went from Barking to Tooting in just over an hour.

^ He should have called in to Houndslow and Dogenam East!

This Forum is a Joke

Very good , Woof Woof

The secret to life is to handle every situation like a dog: If you can’t play with it, eat it or screw it, just pee on it and walk away.

My friend says her dog will retrieve a ball over a mile away, but that sounds far-fetched to me.

What do you call a zoo with no animals except for one dog?
A Shih Tzu.

A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.

As she ran, she would lift up her nightgown and say "Supersex."

She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Lifting up her nightgown at him, she said, "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup.

Me and my flat chested wife went to the marriage therapist.
The therapist said "What seems to be the issue?"
I said "Well Dolly Parton here thinks I'm too sarcastic".

a dung beetle walks into a bar ansd asks the bartender " is that stool taken?"

one for mendy.

geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at!

Seaweed is really good for you. If you're ever in trouble, sea kelp.

What did one geologist say to the other while they both stared down at a giant fissure in the rocks?
"I wonder whose fault this is."

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

Ok I love it when people repeat what I’ve said, but don’t quote me on that.