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Thread: Quick Jokes

  1. #5026
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    My wife said we should split up because I keep pretending to be a detective.

    "Great idea," I said. "We can cover more ground that way."

  2. #5027
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    “Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?”
    “Well son, your mum really really loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram of Easter”
    “Thanks Dad”
    “You're welcome Alan”

  3. #5028
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    Heartless thieves broke into my Grandad’s corner shop yesterday evening.. they took 12 cases of Red Bull and 14 boxes of Pro Plus.. How do these people sleep at night?

  4. #5029
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    My missus said to me "If I ever get Alzheimers, I would kill myself rather than be a burden to you".

    I said "That's the fifth time you've said that to me today".

  5. #5030
    Thailand Expat
    PAG's Avatar
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    Went to an Eskimo restaurant for lunch. The waiter said today we have whale meat, whale meat, or the daily special "Vera Lynn". What's the "Vera Lynn" I asked. Whale meat again he said.

  6. #5031
    I am not a cat
    nidhogg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PAG View Post
    Went to an Eskimo restaurant for lunch. The waiter said today we have whale meat, whale meat, or the daily special "Vera Lynn". What's the "Vera Lynn" I asked. Whale meat again he said.

    LOL. Took me a second...

  7. #5032
    Dislocated Member
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    An anti-vaxxer goes to heaven and asks God if vaccines are safe. Yes replies God, they are perfectly safe. Wow says the anti-vaxxer, this conspiracy runs even deeper than I thought!

  8. #5033
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    I said to the missus "I had a really filthy dream last night".
    She said "Was I in it?".
    I said "Yes, you were fantastic!"..
    "Oh, what did I do?" she beamed.
    I said "You set me up with your younger sister".

  9. #5034
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with for not giving me a blow job, like "I'm tired", "I've got a headache", "Who are you and what are you doing in my house".

  10. #5035
    Thailand Expat
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    I was going to cook some alligator, then I realised I only have a croc-pot.

  11. #5036
    I am not a cat
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    Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks "Does everyone want beer". The first and second logicians each say "I don't know", and then the third answers "Yes".

  12. #5037
    Thailand Expat havnfun's Avatar
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    What do you call a bloke with no arms or legs in a swimming pool?---------
    Bob.

  13. #5038
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    I said to the missus I wanted to try out some flavoured condoms to spice up our sex life.

    She said "This one tastes like cheese and onion".

    I said "I haven't put it on yet".

  14. #5039
    or TizYou?
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    You can't spell advertisements without putting semen between the tits.

  15. #5040
    Thailand Expat Saint Willy's Avatar
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    lol. very good

  16. #5041
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

    You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.
    Last edited by harrybarracuda; 02-10-2021 at 12:54 PM.

  17. #5042
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    What is yellow and dangerous? Shark infested custard.

  18. #5043
    Thailand Expat
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    Knock ! Knock ! Who's there ? Euripides. Euripides who? Euripides these knickers and you'll fucking pay for them.

  19. #5044
    Im bored AF Backspin's Avatar
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    ​So a pedophile, domestic abuser and felon walk into a bar.... Kyle Rittenhouse says : "SHOTS ARE ON ME"

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