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Thread: Quick Jokes

  1. #4951
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Breaking: A gang has been caught making counterfeit Kipling Bakewell tarts. Police say they're exceedingly good fakes.

  2. #4952
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    If I got 50p for every time I failed in maths, I'd have £3.30 now.

  3. #4953
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    Shutree's Avatar
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    So, it seems we were all wrong in 2015 when we answered the question "Where do you expect to be in 5 years' time?"

  4. #4954
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    Spacing is important.
    Quick Jokes-screenshot_20200524-073806-jpg

  5. #4955
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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  6. #4956
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    What happened to Gandhi, he only made one film!

  7. #4957
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    I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, "Wow! That could have been me!"
    Then I remembered I canít drive a bus
    Last edited by Ukan Kizmiaz; 29-05-2020 at 07:44 PM.

  8. #4958
    Thailand Expat lom's Avatar
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    Morty: Hey Saul there's this new restaurant.
    Saul: What about it?
    Morty: For 10 bucks you get a beer, a sandwich, and you get laid!
    Saul: Have you ever been there?
    Morty: No, but my sister has.

  9. #4959
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    What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?


    A can't opener!

  10. #4960
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    My top 3 assumptions when the doorbell rings:

    1. Murderer
    2. Police telling me everyone is dead
    3. That book I ordered about positive thinking

  11. #4961
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    A man goes into a Library and asks for a book on cliffhangers.
    The librarian says.

  12. #4962
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast



    honouring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.

  13. #4963
    Thailand Expat lom's Avatar
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    She: I've been unfaithful
    He: Me too
    She: He he, April 1
    He: November 5

  14. #4964
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    I heard the B&Q were reopening after lockdown, but I thought it might be a bit busy, so I phoned them up and asked "How big is the queue?".

    They said "The same size as the B".

  15. #4965
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    Facetube reminded me this joke is eight years old. So in case you missed it:

    Rolf Harris was in Tesco when a little old woman asked "Are you that bloke who did Two Little Boys in the 70's?". "No" he replied, "that was Gary Glitter".

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