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Thread: Quick Jokes

  1. #4901
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    Not after loads of well done comments but this morning in Asda I was behind an old lady whose shopping came to 56.83 but she only had about 50. I thought she was probably someone’s Gran and I’d like to think someone would have helped my Gran out. She didn’t want me to help her but I insisted, and in no time we had all her shopping back on the shelves.

  2. #4902
    Thailand Expat TheRealKW's Avatar
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  3. #4903
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    My grief counsellor died yesterday, he was so good I'm already over it.

  4. #4904
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    Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
    You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.

  5. #4905
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    I love this time of year. You can slam your laptop shut when the missus walks in the room, and she won't give you a look of disgust.

  6. #4906
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    How do I post these pictures???

  7. #4907
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    The wife says she wants a 42-inch Phillips for Christmas.

    Where the fuck do I get a screwdriver that big?

  8. #4908
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Strange day, first I found a hat full of money, then I was chased by angry man with a guitar.

  9. #4909
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    The wife said she is leaving because of my sexual fetishes.


    I said "Great! Don't forget to slam the door on my cock on the way out".

  10. #4910
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    Two fish are in a tank,. One says "I'll drive, you man the guns".
    I'd like to see what morning looks like
    Don't wanna drink pint after pint
    I wanna wake up without feeling sick
    But I can't cuz I'm a drug-abusing alcoholic

  11. #4911
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    One minute you're young and fun, and the next you're turning down the car radio to see better.

  12. #4912
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Not saying I distrust the internet, but there's an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I've won and the number of ipads I own.

  13. #4913
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    Just bought a helmet cam so I can show you what it's like to work in an airport. The quality is fantastic, but the straps can really nip your bollocks if you overtighten them.
    A tray full of GOLD is not worth a moment in time.

  14. #4914
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    Tell you what, it was a close run thing, but we managed to install the Y2K computer updates just before midnight last night and everything seems to be fine.
    A tray full of GOLD is not worth a moment in time.

  15. #4915
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    Latest Africa Cup results, Ghana 8--Ethiopia Didn't.

  16. #4916
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    I was eating my tea last night when I suddenly thought to my self,
    "This milk must be seriously out of date".

  17. #4917
    or TizYou?
    TizMe's Avatar
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    I've been taking viagra for my sunburn.

    It doesn't relieve the sunburn, but it keeps the sheets off my legs.

  18. #4918
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    I'm going to work on being less condescending; condescending means to talk down to people.

  19. #4919
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    If you're being chased by a taxidermist, don't play dead!

  20. #4920
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Worst way to be woken up: Dad, my fart is on the floor!

  21. #4921
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Police are looking for 3 West Ham supporters who racially abused Brighton supporters at last week's match. A West Ham spokesman said when they are caught they will be banned from West Ham matches for life. So far 11,853 supporters have said it was them.

  22. #4922
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    I was at this wedding, and I said to the bloke next to me "Fucking hell, that bride is ugly".
    "Do you mind, that's my daughter" came the reply.
    I said "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were her father".
    "I'm not, I'm her mother".

  23. #4923
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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  24. #4924
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    A vicar, imam and rabbit walk into a bar, rabbit says I think I'm a typo.

  25. #4925
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician.

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