The Puns and jokes thread

[DrWilly]

Mr & Mrs Case are proud to announce the birth of their baby boy;

Justin.

[misskit]

One evening while out to dinner, my friend’s teenage boy started complaining to her about what she named him, “Anthony.” Their sir name is Pino. The mother asked him what he thought she should have named him, “Phillip?” He says Phillip would have been ok while the rest of us were pissing ourselves laughing.

Not a joke.

[DrWilly]

Was he Filipino?

[misskit]

No. American. Mom was El Salvadorian and pop Italian-American.

[nidhogg]

A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk asks if it has any luggage. It replies “no, I’m traveling light”

[david44]

I put all my cash into an origami business. It folded

[DrWilly]

I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.




it was just collecting dust!

[david44]

What does C.S. Lewis keep in his wardrobe? Narnia business.

[DrWilly]

[DrWilly]

I put all my cash into an origami business. It folded

Sounds like your business didn’t increase

[cyrille]

Then there was all the paperwork.

[Edmond]

Apparently some of it is now edible. Though I ended up with a crane in the neck.

[david44]

Then there was all the paperwork.

velly good green owed

I removed the shell from my racing snail to make it faster. It just got more sluggish.

[DrWilly]

Sounds like you really snailed your chances of winning any races.

[DrWilly]

Despite my grades of A, B, B, and A, I can't find an employer to take a chance on me.

[david44]

My stash was gobbled in the avairy, no Tern left unstoned.

[nidhogg]

Atoms are such liars: they make up everything.

[DrWilly]

[david44]

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
Beer nuts are two dollars, but deer nuts are under a buck

[david44]

The person who invented the door knock won the Nobel Prize.


To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket… you can hide but you can’t run.


My new girlfriend works at the zoo. I think she’s a keeper.

[hallelujah]

I was sat opposite this fit Thai bird on the train to work this morning and I thought "do not get a hard on."

Anyway, I didn't.

But she did.

[DrWilly]

.What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam.

[david44]

Last week I called Billy a Billabong, but I meant well.

[nidhogg]

[SIZE=4]The person who invented the door knock won the Nobel Prize.

That took me so long to work out. Actually quite embarrassing.

[Edmond]

Barbie went to an ATM with her groceries. But there was a queue. So barbecued.